Diary of a Emo Girl

Chapter Nineteen

Dear diary,

hey:) well nothing much happened really, and I've mostly been writing about my "love" life, so I thought maybe a insight on the rest of my life is a bit reasonable at the moment. Well as usual I've been having problems. Haha it's funny how I always have problems. Anyways I don't know if I told you yet, but my dad travels for work and he comes every Thursday night and leaves Sunday morning. Usually whenever my dad is home we go along but since the past few months my dad basically yell at me the whole time he's home.

Like seriously I have enough shit in my life on top of school and all, now I have him nagging me too. I've always loved him since I was little and I still do, but he just needs to leave me alone and understand that all the things I do is stuff normal teenagers do. Like listen to loud music and stay up late. EVERY single teenager stays up late because of work and stuff. But nooooooooooo I have to be in bed by ten. I honestly think that is bullshit. I can learn my own lesson for staying up late, but on top of that my dad yells his head off at me. And the even worse part is that every night, my dad yells at my mom blaming her for all the things I do.

I try so hard to block the yelling out. Loud music, pillows, anything, but I can always hear it. Every single time he yells at my mom about me is like a stab to my back. It hurts, and he won't stop. Sure you could say it's my fault, but you can't blame me for being a normal teenager. You just can't. Then recently high school registration came up. And as usual I wanted to do arts and humanity for my never ending love for art, and for the fact I am not interested in doing anything else. But noooo. My dad robs that right from me too. He said that he always wanted me to be a doctor, but I don't want to waste eight years of my life to do medical school. In my head it just isn't worth it. So yeah I've been fighting with my parents a lot.

So life sucks right now. I once promised to never cut again, but now I have every reason to. Honestly lasting three months without cutting is pretty amazing. It feels good, I forgot how good pain felt. Then comes my eating issues *yay*. I don't eat much because I get full real easily. And because of that I've lost a lot of weight and I'm underweight now :D

See it bugs the crap outta me when someone says I cut or stop eating so I can get attention. Attention is the last thing I want. I cut because it keeps me sane and stops me from lashing out on my parents. The worse thing I need is to make my parents madder at me. And I don't "starve" myself so I can be skinner than a model, I just don't get hungry. It's not my fault. But anyways I haven't exactly been "straight A's Nicky" for a while now. Hehe. I'm at a low 70 in math, and I'm failing art and multimedia. But other then that I've been good at school, I guess.