Diary of a Emo Girl

Chapter Seventeen

Dear diary,

I am just so lost these days. I don't know what's happening anymore. Russ thinks he loves me, but he just is distant these days. And I don't really want him to be in love with me, because I think I'm gonna end up hurting him. Then the other day I was talking to Adam, and I admitted to him that I had a crush on him and stuff. And surprisingly he said that his respect for me doubled. So I guess that was a good thing. And then after that we were talking about our childhood and like old shows we watched as a kid. Then I was like:

Me: dude we gotta watch blues clues when I come to Ohio

Adam: YES. But idk if we should watch blues clues or doctor who

Me: hm that's a hard decision indeed.

Adam: well doctor who is like more romantic.

Me: ha, we both know that we can handle romance.

Adam: true..

Me: ok so both?

Adam: yup! It's a date! Well if u want to go on a date..

Me: hm tempting. We'll see I'm still single so I can do that

Adam: so is that a yes?

Me: of course it is! Didn't I go through the fact that I liked you earlier?

Adam: yay I can't wait!

You see my situation here. I'm in a fucking love triangle now. Everyone wants me to go for Adam and trust me I want to, but I can't just let go of Russ like that. I'm basically his one support to his insanity and humanity. Without me, Russ has no reason to live at all. And I feel like Russ will love me more then Adam. Russ understands me, and he already told me that he truly loves me and wants it to stay that way forever. He was even willing to put his family's financial crisis behind for me, and take a risk to go to the same college for me even though it could put his family in debt. And now he's been grounded for a while. I don't know what to do, I feel like Russ likes me more then I like him, and he wants a serious relationship, but I'm too scared for that. Then Adam is sorta hinting that he has a crush on me. Why can't I just stay away from guys and relationships for good?