Revolution (Hamilton)

Wedding bells

1783
"Thank you so much Herc. I love it" I smile taking the wedding 'dress' from him. "Of course Deborah. I am Alexanders best man after all" Herc gives me a soft hug and I leave the room. I absolutely fucking my wedding outfit, it's basically a man's outfit with a white coat that loops around so it kind of looks like a dress. I jump on the horses and ride home to Alexander, I can't wait for tomorrow! Even though I am extraordinary nervous, it'll only be Washington, Martha, Herc, Laf and Aaron and yet I am already anxious for the walking down the isle bit. The morning sun is colouring the sky soft shades of orange and blue, the smell of morning dew tickling my nostrils.

When I pass by one particular beautiful meadow, I have to dismount my horse. The yellow daisies slowly blooming in the morning sun, I take off my boots and socks. Taking a careful step unto the wet grass, the little drops on water on the helms making me giggle and feel at peace. I twirl around a few times, dancing like nobody is there, when I misstep on a stone and fall on the grass. The green softness of nature breaking a bit of my fall, suddenly I am top of John. His eyes bloodshot and rotten, blood spilling out of his mouth violently. I shriek and try to scramble to get up up, John seems like he is trying to talk, but all that comes out is a gurgling sound and more blood. I turn around trying to escape him, it's hard to breath and my heart seems like it might stop or beat out of my chest. Richards stands in front of me, blocking the way. He has the dagger I used to kill him with and is violently stabbing himself in the chest, just like I did. His eyes are all white and he has a creepy smile on his face.

'I want to leave this place, please just let me leave' I think to myself, searching for any weapons on me. I fucking left my daggers at home with Alexander, I am now full panicking, trying to breathe while my vision gets spotty. Maybe I can escape them trough my right side, I turn again, trying to look for a way out. Jimmy stands there, a gaping hole in his chest, his flesh visible on the sides of the hole, he has no eyes and his mouth is sown shut, Ann stands next to him, her whole body pierced with bullet holes. I stumble back to the middle, the four people locking me in and stepping closer. I fall unto the ground, their presence setting my lungs on fire. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry" I whisper, hugging my knees and hiding my head so I can't see them. 'Sorry" I whisper over and over, tears streaming down violently. I hit my head with every sorry, trying to pound them out of my head. It's only in your head, only in your head, only in your head, I repeat to myself. Johns gurgling sounds overpowering the words inside my brain. My breathing is even more shallow now and I try to gasp for air, sobs escaping with every short exhale. "Deborah" I feel a hand on my shoulder, I rip myself free "I'm sorry I killed you, I'm sorry" I repeat again, rocking myself back and forth. I feel the hand forcibly pulling my shoulder up so I am forced to look at him or her. "Please leave me a.." I look up into a familiar pair of violet-blue eyes filled with tears.

"Is it really you Alex" I hyperventilate, trying to stop the salt waterworks. "Yes" he whispers, pulling me into his hug. I hide my face in his shoulder, afraid that they might still be here. "Are they gone" I ask shakily, when my breathing has become somewhat steady. "Who my love, there is no-one here" Alexander asks calmly, his hands still rubbing smoothing circles on my back. "John and Richard and.." my breathing becomes faster again, the panic rising up again, Alexander shushes me softly. "We can talk about it later Debs. Let's get you home" he softly states breaking the hug and taking my hand. I almost get startled again when I see that it is evening, the first stars clearly visible. I mount my horse and ride closely to Alex "I am so happy I found you. We were all worried sick about you" Alexander sighs, taking my hand and squeezing it three times.

When we get home Alex draws me a warm bath. I sit in our bedroom, trying to progress what just happened. "You're bath is ready my love" he states softly, gesturing towards the tub he just filled with several full tea kettles. "Will you join me please" I mumble softly, walking towards the off white tub, afraid of being alone with my self attacking brain. I take off my jacket, while waiting for an answer "Yeah of course" Alexander whispers softly, joining me next to the tub. We silently take out clothes off, avoiding looking at each others bodies. We haven't had sex yet and we haven't seen each other like that, so it's a bit awkward. I try to keep my gaze on the water, strings of steam rising up, painting little pictures of dancers. I touch the water with my toes, the warm water instantly relaxing. I lower myself into the water, dunking my head into the warm water for 2 seconds, my brown hair darkening to almost black.