jam oneshots | for the soul~

cupid's blunders - prologue

set in S2...you'll find out more what this is to do with in the coming chapters :)

"Will you let me hold your hand if I go along with this?"

"Dwight, you can hold my hand anyway. I've never said anything about that."

"Oh. But I thought-"

"I just said you can't touch me anywhere on my body besides my hands and my face. Yet."

"I could create a loophole with that idea."

She pointed an accusatory finger at him. "DON'T you dare."

"I was kidding, my God- goodness." He corrected himself quickly. Having a devout Christian for a girlfriend was going to wear thin eventually. As was having a girlfriend with more cats than previous boyfriends, and this was evident as one of the stupid little furry creatures wandered into the room, probably looking for Angela, who turned to look at it and began gushing over it in a high-pitched tone.

The two of them were sitting on Angela's bed at her house after work one evening following a text she had sent him, in which she had said that what she needed from him was quite urgent.

Dwight scowled, glaring at the hairy creature. "I've just decided that that is the ugliest one."

"Sprinkles? She's not! None of them are ugly. She's my favourite, anyway."

"I thought you weren't supposed to have favourites."

"That's children, not cats."

"Same thing."

"It's not."

"It is, they're both useless. Well, at least you can cook the child if you've run out of food supplies whilst stranded in the Alps. Although I suppose there's nothing stopping you from cooking the cat too."

She looked at him with disgust. "Why am I dating you?"

"Because we're somehow made for each other. Anyway. You are a very misleading person. I thought I came here to have sex with you, and instead this is the proposition you make me?"

"I never said anything about sex in my message." She sighed. "That's just your imagination, thinking you are owed sexual intercourse."

"Either way, I'm very disappointed."

"And I care because?" She sniffed. "Degenerate. But will you do it?"

"I'll try. For you, I guess."

She paused, looking at him with a blank expression, before she smiled. "Thanks."

"But...why exactly are you doing this? Thought you didn't like either of them."

"I don't. Not Jim, because I think he's a sardonic know-it-all with a superiority complex, and Pam because...hmph. I don't need to explain myself. But anyway, uh. I think it would be interesting to see them get together. They obviously have feelings for each other. Don't you think so?"

"Most definitely. And I suppose it would make things at work somewhat interesting. And not that I don't enjoy being assistant regional manager-"

"To the."

He glared at her, and she giggled. "Sorry, force of habit. That Halpert drives it into my brain, he corrects you that often."

"Not funny. But, uh. Yes, as much as I do enjoy being ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER," he said, with particular emphasis on the last part, "it can get sort of...tiring? All it is is answering the phone to stupid clients and putting up with Michael's shtick. I will admit that I want something more interesting to happen."

"Then it appears we're in the same camp!" She smiled, delighted. "Okay, so here's the plan."

"I am most definitely owed sexual favours."

"You are not. Anyway, shut up listen to me."