jam oneshots | for the soul~

breaking up is hard to do.

Have a depressing fanfic because I got broken up with today :')
But unlike my relationship, this one will end on a happy note
it's 2AM in Britain and its a school night but who gives a damn...(me)

"I think this is yours," Pam murmured solemnly, handing Jim one of his t-shirts. It was one of her favourites. He glanced at it, then smiled weakly. "Yeah, I think it is...thank you," Jim mumbled as he took it from her, dropping into his cardboard box. There was a silence as they stared at each other, tears filling their eyes. Jim slowly trudged into the bathroom and gathered up his things, such as his razor, his toothbrush and his toothpaste, as Pam watched from the doorway, tears flying down her red cheeks. She quickly noticed he was crying too, but was trying to hide it.

"Oh, Jim," she whispered. "I'm so sorry it didn't work out...I just...I can't do this right now. I wanted it to work..."

He shrugged half-heartedly. "It's whatever, Pam." He responded, despite the tears now falling down his face too. "It's not like I moved back from Connecticut, broke up with my girlfriend, and didn't take the job in New York for you or anything," Jim said bitterly. Pam covered her eyes. "Jim, I'm so so sorry, I know you sacrificed a lot for me...I'm so sorry-"

He slammed the box down on top of the cabinet, scaring her. "Stop apologising, Goddammit!" He snapped, and she cried harder. He looked at her, and all the anger evaporated from eyes instantly. "Oh, God, Pam, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it." He rushed over to her and threw his arms around her. "I'm sorry."

She pushed him away, glaring up at him. "You know I'm not doing this on purpose! How dare you?!" Pam shoved him roughly, and he stumbled backward. "Pam- I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell at you-"

"Just get the fuck out of my house," she sneered coldly, not even making eye contact anymore as she scowled at the floor. "Pam, my love, please don't do this," his voice cracked as he took her hands. "I-I can't, Jim..." suddenly they were back in casino night, and she was rejecting him with large tears in her eyes. But a kiss couldn't fix this, not now. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and sniffled. "Alright. That's...totally alright." He turned away, collected his cardboard box of belongings, then pushed past her, gently barging into her shoulder. Pam sighed, running a hand through her greasy hair and trotting after him.

"So," Jim said as they reached the front door and he turned to her, "I guess I'll...see you at work." He whispered., and she covered her mouth in an attempt to stop her sobs. After a few moments, she said "I guess so."

There was a pause before —

"Please don't do this to me. Please."

Pam began to cry uncontrollably. "Jim," she sobbed, burying her head into her hands. "I'm sorry. I can't date you right now...maybe in the future...but I...I...not right now. I'm in a bad place, and I can't date anyone right now...I'm sorry." She finally glanced up at him, noticing that he was crying again too. "I will always love you." He suddenly says and she can't breathe. She tenses. "I will always love you too, Jim."

He leans down and plants a final, soul-destroying kiss on her forehead, and then he's gone, slowly walking away from her and out of her life. Pam gently closed the door behind him, then collapsed to the floor, sobbing loudly. What was she doing?! She couldn't live without him! He was more or less her everything, the only person who understood her. She cried for a long time, before getting to her feet. She was exhausted from crying her eyes out, and wanted nothing more than to go to bed. 

Pam shuffled into her bedroom and peeled off her Pikachu socks (why would she sleep with socks on in bed? Only maniacs did that!) and chucked them in the laundry basket. She was about to slide into bed when she saw a black heap laying on the floor. Pam's heart shattered as she slowly bent down and gathered it up into her hands, feeling the familiar woolen black material of Jim's sweater. "Oh, God," she whispered, clutching it to her chest and squeezing her eyes shut. She sniffed it. Instantly, Jim's scent filled her nose and she began to cry once more. 

She lay down in the bed, holding his sweater so closely it was as if it was the only thing keeping her alive. Upon closer inspection through bleary eyes, Pam noticed it was the same sweater he had worn on casino night when he had told her in that he was in love with her and they had their first official kiss. Pam sobbed until she couldn't breathe, her face was red and she was incredibly dehydrated- but none of that brought him back to her as she cried into the evening, whispering his name again and again as she clutched the only thing she had left of him, regret filling her entire body and soul until she wanted to fall to the ground and surrender to her life's impending destruction.