jam oneshots | for the soul~

broken.

yoooo I got my first request from someone!!
They don't want to be named but 
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE LMAO 
They don't wanna be named cuz they want me to make Jam suffer for some fuckin reason 
Even though Jam is too cute and innocent 
Idk lol
Anyway, this is for you, ya piece of shit lmao no I love you 
It's set in S2, after The Secret, because my friend and I think that not enough people write fanfic about this episode for whatever reason, cuz it's Jim and Pam gold, in our opinions. 
Includes suicidal themes so if that's not for you, I'd skip this one. And blame my friend. 
Bye! 

JIM. 

He threw his phone at his the wall, angrier than he'd been in a quite a while. 

Fucking Michael Scott. 

He had to ruin everything and lie to Pam like that.

Or did he tell her the truth?

Either way, Jim didn't like it.

God, Pam had looked so beautiful with her hair down earlier. He had lost his mind just looking at her- 

Then Michael had to come out and ruin everything.

Jim sat down on his couch, arms folded. Reviewing the situation, it wasn't totally Michael's fault. After all, he was only trying to help. He knew that Michael only wanted Jim to be happy, even if he had interesting methods of showing so.

Michael had never liked Roy that much, so at least that was something that the two men had in common.  

And they both didn't exactly care for Roy and Pam's relationship, though Jim cared for it even less. He rubbed his eyes, suddenly realizing just how tired he was. Not just tired as in sleepy, he was tired of life. 

He was constantly failing in life. Pam was with Roy. He had never been right with Katy. Dunder Mifflin Scranton was constantly at risk of tanking, and then he would either be let off and moved over to fucking Stamford, or something. Away from Pam, too, possibly. 

Fuck Stamford. 

At the office, he was the cool guy, the prankster, the chilled out but energetic badass. But at home, he was nothing but an empty shell of his former self.

As much as he loved Pam, he hated what she had done to him, although it wasn't her fault. She had pushed him into a hole, a rut, and now he was forced to reside there, alone. He hated what he had become. 

But he didn't blame her.

His love for her was the only thing that kept him sane.

He just wished she knew how grateful he was to have her as his friend.

Well-

She would have known if he had given her that letter at Christmas. But he hadn't had the guts, because that letter also contained his true feelings for her.

'God, wouldn't it be nice to just end it all?' He thought to himself, closing his eyes tightly to fight back tears. He wanted to, but he needed to be there for Pam. Although she was with Roy, everyone knew that their relationship was deteriorating, crumbling rapidly.

And yet she still wouldn't leave him. 

Without thinking, Jim got to his feet and trudged into the bathroom, his vision blurred. His hands find a razor blade, he brings it to his wrist, presses it to it tightly as he watches the blood begin to draw, tears filling his eyes-

Ring ring.

He stops, listening to the familiar beat. 

He's been saved, yet again.

Almost.

The cut was there, but it wasn't deep. Yet it stung like hell. 

But why?

Then he remembers- God doesn't want you to kill yourself, because he wants to torment you in his own special way. 

Jim stops and drops the bloody razor blade. He stumbles back into the living room, then finds his phone as it continued to vibrate. He picks it up, reading the name;

Pam.

Of course, it's Pam.

Pam Beesly, his wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, funny and sexy best friend. 

The one who keeps him sane. 

The only girl for him.

With trembling fingers, he swipes to answer the call.

"What do you want?" He says immediately, his voice indigent and husky. Pam giggles, and his problems almost instantly melt away. Her own voice is so soothing, almost so much so that he doesn't hear her next couple of sentences.

"Jim? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?"

She laughs. "I said, silly, why does your voice sound so...umm...I don't know. Distant? Are you feeling alright, Jim?"

'No. I've never been alright. I'll never ever be alright. I love you.'

"Yes, I'm fine, thanks, Pam..." She doesn't like his tone. "Doesn't sound like it," Pam responds softly. "May I come round? I'd like to check up on you..."

"What about Roy?" He asks as he begins to panic, fixing his gaze upon his wrist. The cut. It burnt so badly that it stung his eyes with hot tears as he speaks.

"Oh, he's got a poker game with Darryl. Plus he's staying over at his since he's also helping him with his emotions after the divorce. So shall I come over?"