Youthful Blossom

CHAPTER 3: Start of High School

As I started the new year of school and my first ever high school year, I experienced so much social anxiety and depression, which wasn't new to me as I already had to deal with that in the eighth grade. The suicidal thoughts sank into me deeper and deeper, pulling me towards darkness I had never seen in my life. I missed plenty of days of school because of it. My world was drifting away as I watched with nothing I could do to bring it back to light. The woman who monitored the attendance of the students at the school, who I believe was also an assistant principal, believed that I was skipping school because I didn't care about going, supposedly. She thought I was one of those students who skip school for reasons that are usually not valid, but that was not the case here.
On November 1, 2016, I didn't want to go to school just like any other school day. My mother told me that she would take me to the school to see the school counselor to talk about why I didn't want to attend school. As we entered the school building, we headed to the school's main office. We waited there until we were finally called into the school counselor's office. I sat on a chair next to my mom and my nearly four-year-old (at the time) brother Damian, in front of the school counselor's desk. Then, a man came in who I believe was also a counselor at the school. All I remember was that his first or last name was Issac. The school counselor at the desk, Ms. Wyche, and Issac, spoke to me and my mother about my poor attendance. I told my mother to tell them about my depression and social anxiety that I spoke to her about a week before and when she did, Ms. Wyche looked at me in a sad-like way. She was and is the most kind school counselor I had ever met. Issac was kind as well and very caring, and because of his caring mind, he had to step outside of the office and had me go with him to have a private conversation and asked if I was having any suicidal thoughts. I responded with a yes and told him a little about my social anxiety, and Issac said that I shouldn't worry about what others think of me. He said that every school day in the school hallways, some of the students may see him as bad and others as good, but that it didn't worry him. They were just opinions of people. As we walked back into the office, he also asked me to show my arms. I assumed it was because he wanted to see if I did any self-harm, as usually people who self-harm cut their wrists to relieve their emotional pain. I never did self harm at the time, so my wrists were clean from self-harm. He then had me step outside the office, so that he could speak with my mother privately. I waited in the main office for them to finish. Then, my mother, with some papers in her hand, and Damian, came out of Ms. Wyche's office. I got to say goodbye to Issac and Ms. Wyche before we left the school building. The three of us, me, mother, and Damian, waited outside of the school for the taxi that my mother had just called as she didn't have her green-colored 2002 Explorer car anymore because it had broken down. We sat at the school's outside-cafeteria. It had an indoor cafeteria and an outdoor cafeteria for the students to eat. There was no one at the outdoor-cafeteria, so the three of us sat there and waited. My mother told me that Issac had given her papers with information about a place that I had to go to for my mental health problem. We then went into the taxi, and arrived at a mental hospital. I didn't know much about mental hospitals, so I went with my mother and brother as my mother signed some papers there. We first waited in the waiting room, then we were in a small room with just us three alone as we waited for someone from the hospital staff to speak with us. As we waited, I had my mother's phone and played a fan-made karaoke version of 'New Romantics' (2014) by Taylor Swift on YouTube. I thought I was at the hospital to receive immediate treatment for my depression and social anxiety, but I was actually there to stay at the hospital for four days.
It was minutes before I knew the actual reason why I was there. A woman from the hospital's staff took a picture of me to add on a wrist tag for me. Then, after we were done with everything we had to do, my mother and brother were asked to leave, so I went along with her and Damian, but before we got to enter the waiting room, which led to the exit, I believe the same woman who took a picture of me told me that I can not leave, and I was confused. I realized at that moment that I was going to stay, which scared me because I had never spent time alone at a place full of strangers.