Youthful Blossom

CHAPTER 8: The Online Greek Boy

Sometime in mid July 2017, I texted a boy who lived in Greece that I had found out from a pet confession account's Instagram post. I was interested in finding a boy to communicate with as I wanted a boyfriend, so I texted the Greek boy, despite not knowing what he looked like. We texted and got to know each other including what we looked like. I sent pictures of him to one of my internet friends and told them about his physical features. I was crushing on him, intensely. He had told me at first that he was heterosexual, but then, he proceeded to tell me that he was bisexual, so I believed him. Everyday from mid July to mid August 2017, we texted. We told each other our life stories. I told him the story about the UFOs I had seen up close in October 2014. A dark cylinder-shaped UFO and a ball of light floating in mid air in front of the car that my mother drove, who too, got to see the ball of light. The Greek boy had a story about a strange man he had seen outside of his home at night. I always talked to him about UFOs and aliens as the subject fascinated me because of my experience with UFOs. He was very engaged in our text conversations about my fascination and almost-believed that I had a spaceship in my house's backyard with a fake image from Google, even though I lived in an apartment with no backyard. It was so funny when I told him that I was just lying as I've always liked to prank or troll people. We talked about so many subjects as I have always been a polymath. We talked what we thought of the existence of God. He had told me that he believed in him, but had questions about his existence. I told him that I was an atheist after I had questioned God's existence during the Summer of 2017. We also had our romantic conversations that included pictures of him, which attracted me more. There were a few things that he had said that appeared eccentric, but I pushed them away as I was blinded by my love for him.
I wanted to be his boyfriend, the love of his life, but when I asked, he said that he wasn't sure about dating because he was afraid of being outed to his friends, so I was alright with his response. I thought that as long as we were in love, it didn't matter whether we were officially in a relationship or not. We spent hours texting despite our time zones, and my love for him grew stronger each day. So in love that I couldn't stop talking about him to my friends on Instagram. I had never felt this much love for anyone before, even for my ex-boyfriend. The new feeling was so addictive. He was my natural serotonin-booster.
In late August 2017, we didn't text each other as much as we had before in July. He had said that he was busy with school as it had just begun in his city. "Well, so do I, but I have time to text," I thought. He went to school in Greece while I went to school in the United States, so the school system in his country must have been more time consuming or at least, his school was. I wanted to text him like before as it saddened me but I understood why he couldn't. In early September 2017, he started to text me differently, like he had no interest anymore, until September 14, 2017 at 4:49PM (I still remember the exact time), he texted me that he never romantically liked me because it was just a "dare" by his friends. He said this after we had an argument about my story posts about him in which I made it seem like he liked me back as I had posted several times about my love for him, which he hadn't minded, but did mind the ones that pointed out his "attraction" for boys. I was so heartbroken. I loved him so much, way more than myself, and I thought he felt the same way, or at least, close, but it was all a lie. For two months, he played on my feelings. I thought at first that maybe he was lying to me to protect himself from having his sexuality discovered, but I concluded that it was a true statement. So, I posted about the situation on my Instagram stories that had my feelings painted all over, and received so much sympathy by my followers, including my internet friends. Sympathy wasn't what I was searching for, though. I just wanted help. I didn't want to accept what he had said. I wanted him back. I wanted him to love me, but really love me. Not faked or forced. I wanted real love, especially from him and only him. He was too perfect for me to let go, I thought. I will never feel his love, ever again. For days, I had the heart-drop feeling in my chest with anxiety and depression flooding my brain. My heart, that was once full of colors, darkened. How did two months of love feel like a century? I guess time really is an illusion.