Youthful Blossom

CHAPTER 21: Back to Missouri

On New Year's Day 2021, I was ecstatic, especially as the number 21 happens to be my favorite number. We were finally in the year that had my favorite number. I have a fascination with numbers. Usually, with the ones that are used in calendar dates. And the month was January, my favorite month of the year, that takes place in Winter in the northern hemisphere of the planet, which also, is my favorite season. But most importantly, I was excited to move back to Missouri to live with my mother and four younger siblings. I would leave my father, Tomas, and brother, Jamie, who turns 15 this April, behind. Despite my father's anger issues, he did his best to provide for my needs, which I am thankful for. Jamie had changed as his personality had become more schizoid-like, but his humor still thrives. I must try my best not to miss them as again, I am Xander.
My cousin was supposed to take me to my mother's place in late January or early February after his visit to Mexico, but my mother's husband's family, who live in Georgia, took me with them on their ride to Missouri. My mother had told me this less than 24 hours before moving out, so it was quick. I was starting to feel guilty as I was moving out too fast without giving my father at least a couple of days to process that I was moving out, but I told myself not to let guilt take over as the feeling was unnecessary. It was not essential for the survival of the physical body that I happen to be in nor did it correlate with my beliefs. Therefore, it was deemed unnecessary.
My father and Jamie had already been informed about moving out months before, but not the exact date as I was unsure of when my cousin was going to pick me up, which never happened as someone else took me to Missouri. Less than 12 hours before I left my father's house to wait at my mother's husband's aunt's house, who I will call Lily, I informed him through text message on Facebook's messenger app about Lily and her family taking me a ride to Missouri, except that I had told him that I was moving in a few days, not less than 24 hours away from my arrival to Missouri. So, I packed up what I hadn't packed up in my room and took a couple of bags with personal items to my father's friend's car, who lived with us. His friend agreed to take me to Lily's house as my father had asked him a favor to take me. I wanted to move out because I spent all the time in my room as I didn't like to go out in Atlanta. Everywhere in that city felt too crowded for me to handle mentally. Too many people and surroundings, like buildings, make me uncomfortable. Plus, I had very little physical activity, so moving to Missouri sounded like a good choice to make as the small Missourian town had less surroundings with open spaces, and a smaller human population, which will allow me to go out more and plus, I will do more physical activity even if I just stayed at home because of my four little siblings, who three of them are 3, 2, and 1 year(s) of age, and the fourth sibling being 8 years of age, who happens to have ADHD and ODD. So, with three little kids just being kids and my eight year old brother with differences that make him hyperactive and disobedient, I would have some physical activity everyday playing with my siblings.
Anyways, after the long ride from Georgia to Missouri, I finally arrived at my mother's house. I was excited to see my mother and siblings, but I felt strange during my first few hours at the house as it was a change of environment and usually, I have struggled with accepting changes in environment, but I quickly adapted when my mother's husband added the LED lights on the walls of my room that I had brought from Georgia. There's something about colorful lights that instantly fill my body up with content. Mainly because lights are a large fraction of who I am. They're part of what makes Xander and the imaginary city of Alpha. My subconscious has already adapted to the lights of my consciousness, so the brain that I am in has spread that personality trait throughout itself.
Anyway, the first couple of days were spent indoors and outdoors with my mother's and her husband's shared car. We went to the park, store, and my 8 year old brother's (Damian) mental clinic for a doctor's appointment about his medical treatment.
The most exciting thing that has happened so far in Missouri this year occurred in the cold night of February 11, 2021. After our visit to Branson, Missouri to see eye-catching things like the giant statue of an octopus, we headed our way back home. But first, we had to get through a long road that went through the forest surrounding us. It was snowing, freezing, and dark. The car, driven by my mother's husband, was starting to break down. It stopped in the middle of the road for a minute or two until it turned back on. I thought, "That was a close one." Then, my mother's husband continued to drive until the car decided to break down, again. He was able to move the car off the road to a house that appeared abandoned, but we spent about 20 minutes in the car with no A/C. The car no longer worked. My mother, her husband, my siblings, and I, were in the car. We had our jackets on, but my mother and her husband were really worried as the car had stopped working in the middle of a cold, snowy night. Plus, there were no lights around us other than the lights from our phones. As I stared into the darkness surrounding us from one of the car's windows, I felt fascinated. Despite being a mega-fan of lights, I also happen to be a fan of darkness. It was getting cold, but what kept me distracted was my typing in Google Docs, for this book, 'Youthful Blossom.' Damian (8-year-old brother) and Kathleen (3-year-old sister) were sitting next to me in the car at the back while my mother moved to the middle of the car to be with Ovi (2-year-old brother) and Jesiah (1-year-old sister). My mother's husband was in the driver's seat of the car calling people from his family who lived nearby to pick us up. Thankfully, someone he had called came for us and took us back home, safe in sound. The car never worked again so my mother's husband is currently selling the car to a company that works on broken cars. I was surprised that I was able to help him a few days ago when he had asked me to translate for him at the car company. I tried my best and did well. My social skills have definitely improved over time. I have yet to receive a professional diagnosis for autism by a specialist, but I do plan to see one as soon as I can once I have my medical insurance back as a change in state requires people to re-apply for Medicare, my medical insurance. My little brother, Ovi, has yet to receive a professional diagnosis for autism as well, and even though he sees a specialist in May 2021 for a diagnosis, he is most likely on the spectrum. There's also no way that I don't have Asperger's syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum, so I have self-diagnosed myself with it. Many people find a self-diagnosis invalid and with my eyes, I see why, but my self-diagnosis is not harmful to my physical and mental health, so therefore, I have chosen to self-diagnosis until I receive a professional diagnosis that will in no way be turned away as my symptoms fit the profile. After all, it's all in the third or inner eye.
The next day, on Valentine's Day 2021, my father had texted me that my grandmother was about to leave the world. That was when I knew my grandmother was going to die. An hour or less later, my father texted me that my grandmother had unfortunately passed away. I never saw my grandmother from my father's side, Reina Arroyo, in person, but I have spoken to her on the phone since I was a little kid. She was very religious, kind, and full of advice. The cancer had gotten too strong. She was diagnosed in late 2020 with ovarian cancer that had caused unpleasant symptoms. I thought she was going to survive the cancer as the doctors had told her that her cancer was in its early stages, but her body was too weak for surgery, so they wanted her to strengthen her body as much as possible, but unfortunately, she passed away. What a wonderful woman she was. I could never tell her much about me as communication is hard. If we had texted, she would have gotten to know me better, but she was from another generation. Today's technology was difficult for her to understand. She could only talk to me on the old-fashioned home telephone.
I'm trying my best not to grieve over her death as death is just another experience like life, at least from my eyes. She is the closest person in my life to have died. I know every human being responds differently to such news, especially if it's something new, and of someone close, but it's how we perceive the great illusion; the universe.