This is one of the biggest moment in my life that made me realize something. The scene has been changed though.
HE BROKE ME
“No, no, no ,no. Huwag kang pumasok—" napatigil na lang ako sa pagrereklamo when my boyfriend barged inside my room dala-dala ang isang bulseta.
“Annie baby..." he murmured.
Agad kong pinahiran ang mga luhang umaagos sa king pisngi. I don't wanna let him see me weak. I was never a cry baby. Hindi pwede yon. I can't let him see me like this. Not my soft side. Not on my weakest point.
“No, no. Don't look. Huwag kang tumingin sa kin." I said as I forced myself to let out a laugh but I failed dahil napaos lang boses ko.
“Are you..." nilapag niya ng maayos ang dalang bulseta sa ibabaw ng kama.
His footsteps are slow na tila ba he's hesitating to approach me.
“Umiiyak ka." nagpapanic niyang sabi, “Kaya pala panay ang text sa kin ng ate mo na papuntahin ako dito. I taught you had your period. Baby..."
Lumapit siya sa kin, crouching down in front of me habang ang kamay ay nakapatong sa aking ulo. He was trying to take a good look on my face but I buried it on my knees.
“Baby, why are you crying? Kinakabahan na tuloy ako. I feel so guilty. Are you crying because of me?" He cursed, “Baby, naman! Unang beses kong makita kang umiyak."
“No, its not because of you. I...I just need time for myself." napiyok ako habang pinipigilan ang sariling mas maiyak pa.
I am too weak right now. Hindi ko mapigilang umiyak. I wanna look strong in front of him but the more I tried to force myself. Mas lalo lang ata akong nanghihina, nanlalambot.
“Tell me about it." He smiled.
He was brushing the ends of my hair.
Nanginginig ang mga labi akong tumingala sa kaniya at luhaan. His eyes widened when he saw my pitiful face. I shouldn't have cried!
“Baby..."
“Can you please leave? I just need to...kailangan kong ayusin ang sarili." humihikbi kong wika.
He smiled.
His calming boxy smile.
"“I've never seen you cry before. I was always the one crybaby sa ting dalawa." He bit his lower lip, ““You don't have to be strong alone. You don't have to fight alone for now. Kaya nga pumasok tayo sa isang commitment para di na tayo mag-iisa pa. So we can have someone who will share our burden with us."
He sat beside me and patted his lap, "Halika. Dito ka umiyak. I wanna cuddle the woman I love right now."
Agad akong tumayo at umupo sa gitna ng kaniyang mga hita na naka indian style saka isinubsob ang mukha sa dibdib nito. I feel like i am a baby right now. Parang bumalik ako sa pagkabata noong mga panahon na umiiyak ako habang kandong ni mama.
I feel so weak.
I feel so weak right now.
My breathing hitched habang pinigilan ang sariling mas umiyak pa.
”Stop pretending to be strong. I am here. I can be your strength." he said while patting my back.
I just don't get it.
I've been trying to pull myself together but right now, I feel like I just want to surrender all the pain and cry.
He added, “You're not alone in this struggle. You have me. I have you too. Sabay tayong lumaban okay? Sasamahan kita. Sasamahan kitang lumaban until we both have our own victories."
"Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Masyadong mabigat. I tried to stay strong, tried to stay still for so long. I don't know what it feels like to depend on someone because this is just not me."
He kissed my forehead, “My baby has been strong for so long. You can be weak now, baby. Be soft for me. Depend on me."
Mas lalo lang nanginig ang mga labi ko.
“Let me hear how your heart cry." sabi niya saka hinigpitan pa ang pagyakap sa kin.
Di ko na mapigilan pa at hinayaan na lang ang mga malalakas na hikbi na kanina ko pa pilit itago.
I never waited for love to come and comfort me like this.
Nor have I expected for love to be with me.
Because I know that I can handle my own emotions.
But here he is, listening to the cries of the independent woman they all knew.
I guess, you don't wait for love.
Love itself will come and find you.
Love is like a ray of sun for a frozen heart. The more it will give you warmth, the more you'll become soft and true to form.
Love is like the shape of water.
And now, he broke me.
He broke that frozen shell that surrounded me.
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