My Love

Death And Bullets And Love

My head was touching the barrel of the gun, I closed my eye and I felt the gun move away. I opened my eyes to see Jack, "Addie we need to leave now." I looked at him confused, "I have to go get some stuff and I have to get Payton I can't just leave her here." Jackson nodded, walked in and closed the door. I ran up stair packed a duffle bag and they another one at Payton, "pack what you can we are going now." I began kicking my floor with my heel. I heard a hallow knocking and grabbed the knife that was on my nightstand and popped the the floorboard out. I remember Jack telling me her put a shit ton of money in a wooden box under one of my floor for emergencies and I guess this counted. I wrote a little note to my family and walked into my dad's room and opened his safe, I grabbed one of his precious guns and ran back to my room to get my bag and Payton. "We need to go now" She grabbed her stuff and ran out the door behind me down the stairs, Jack stood up, "I called Logan he is going to wait for up at the coner of Greenwrich. I nodded I got into Jack's van and locked the door, "where did you get this?" He laughed and said, "stole it from my neighbor." Jack didn't have a neighbor with a van, at least not that I knew of. We pulled up to Greenwrich and Logan got in the van. "Hey why did I have to pack up." I looked at Jack and he looked over to me, "becuase you knew Addison and there was a risk the people that want to kill her wanna kill you as well." I looked straight ahead and felt tears fall down my face, I put all my friends in danger. I wished this wan't true I wish I could just end this all, I wish that nobody would get hurt. I wish, I wish, I wish but I won't do. I grabbed my head and began screaming for eveything to be okay. The car came to a sudden stop and I heard someone get in the car and being yelling. One shot, two shots............

******

I woke up screaming and kicking and crying Payton grabbed my arm and told me to clam down that I was okay. I blinked a few time and then looked out my window to see where I was at. I felt Payton's head on my shoulder, at this ponit I didn't know what was a dream and what was real. I had no idea what was real and what was a dream anymore. I just had to wait and see. "Payton? Pinch me please." She looked at me confused and scared, "uhh okay I guess." She pinched me and I felt something so I must have been awake which meant this was real.

I pulled out my phone to make a call to Logan, "hey are you okay? How are you feeling?" Oh yay the questions about if I was still alive, "yeah and good. Anyway have you talked to Jack he won't and answer my phone calls or texts." There was a small pause, "so I take it you don't know anything." I heard him sigh, "Addison, Jack was killed yesterday, he left his home to go somewhere and was beaten to death. I'm sorry I never wanted to have anyone espically my girlfirend that her bestfriend died." I felt my heart drop, "what happened like what were the details." I heard his kinda crying, "he was beaten to death and then once they kicked the living shit out of him they stabbed him in the chest 5 or 6 times. He was killed because he saw something that he souldn't have seen." I began crying and I heard my dad whisper to Maria, "I guess she heard about Jack," I whiped my tears and crossed my legs and Payton tried to get my attention and I just looked at her and she looked down. I looked foward and never back, I didn't want her to get hurt. I didn't want her to hurt me, the best thing to do at this moment was just stay away.

It was exactly 2 days after I got home, I put a black outfit on and walked out the door to my car and went alone. I sat in the back and I was asked to speak but I didn't. After people began lying about him I thought I would go up and lie as well.

"So this little jerk in that coffin just left me here, aye I'm still here kiddo. Send help take me with you, I love you and miss you so much. You mean the world to me, you were all I had. You were my bestfriend since the beginning of my life. We had some crazy ass memories, I wasn't going to talk but I thought that I should and this is what I have to say, I hate you so much. You didn't desver what you got I wish there was just one last time that I could hug you and tell you how much I loved you." I looked at the pictures that surrounded his coffin and laughed there was a whole board of pictures that he took of us through out the years. "I remeber this one, our 1st grade trip to the zoo when the money took your money. This was when you got in trouble on that same trip." There were a few laughs from everyone. "This one is form the beginning of this year. 11th grade has been well fuck it's really been something. I just wanted you to know that I loved you now and forever. I love you Jackson you little shit." I walked past his coffin and smiled, I was gunna miss that little asshole.

I grabbed my phone and played the song he wanted at his funeral, Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy. I began crying a little bit, it was his favorite song and now it wouldn't be the same screaming lyrics without him.

*****
I got home after the funeral and didn't eat dinner because I had lunch and breakfast. I went straight to my room and out on music and just laid in my clothes. My birthday was a yesterday and I was officially 18 which meant that I could get my own apartment and that's what I did that morning. I went to my new place that had a couch and a TV. I sat one the couch and called up one of my 21 year old friends to see if they would by me some cigarettes and beer so I could just stay home. I wasn't going to drink away my problems just have a couple of beers and smoke a little.

I unlocked my door to see Alice, she handed me the cigarettes and beer and asked if she wanted me to stay and I tole her no. She walked away after making sure that I wasn't going to kill myself because of Jack. I mean that sounded nice but I wasn't going to do that. I opened a voicemail on my phone and just listened to Jack tell me he loved me and that he wanted me to be okay. It was a new one I hadn't heard it because I wasn't ready to listen to it.

I just wanted him back.