My Love

Every Snowflake is Different

I felt tears fill my eyes, she looked at me sympathetically of course, "I know sweetie I know I'm so sorry." I didn't want to lose Payton she was my bestfriend since the beginning of my forever, she was my everything. Payton was all I needed to survive. The day was over fast and I couldn't sleep all night, Logan didn't stay Anna did though. At 9:17 pm Logan texted me

Logan- Hey princess are you okay? How is Payton doing? How are you with all this? I miss you, I called your house they said you weren't home please answer me I need to talk to you as soon as possible.

Me- I will call you in a minute and tell you everything hold on.

I called him about 10 minutes later, "Logan, I'm horrible, Payton might not make it though the night, I need you please. I need you so much please come and stay with me Logan." I began crying when he spoke, "Addie I'm sorry I can't do this, you've gotten to be way to much of a handful and I can't deal with your problems and mine. Maybe we will find each other in anyother time but right now isn't a good time for me. I'm sorry Addison goodbye." I heard the click of his phone hanging up and I swear I heard the music when my heart broke. I walked back into Payton's room and Anna looked at me and I looked at her.

I closed the door behind me and fell to knees and I felt my chest closing in on me, Anna rushed to my side and began calling for a nurse and I couldn't breathe for the life of me. "Nurse nurse!" I heard Anna begin crying as i heard Payton screaming I just hoped she would be okay.

I was in and out of sight I could see then it would go black with every breath it felt like I was about to die. I was propably being over dramatic and I hear Anna calling Logan and I couldn't say anything I could barley breathe to live, let alone speak. I grabbed Anna's hand as they walked towards the double doors where they told her that she couldn't go any further, "I'll be right here when you come out little sister."

I watched as they put a mask on my face and told me to relax they said he mask would get air to my lungs. They told me that I would just have to try to breathe. At one point they took the mask on and did X-Ray's of my chest to see my lungs and I heard the doctors discussing my lungs. They put the mask back on and told me to breathe just breathe. I sat up so I could breathe bettter. When I was little I had astham and my doctor would say to sit up if I couldn't stand it was a better chance to get air into my lungs. "Miss Matthews we will be calling your parents to come and conversant with us about you lungs condition. I must ask do you smoke?" I looked at him and then at the floor, I had terrible lungs but I had smoked quite a few times because it make me feel better, kinda just took all the pain away. I looked at the doctor and said, "not that I recall." He smiled and said, "okay just needed to make sure."

I finally got to where I could stand without falling, the docotor told me that I would and shoukd take this tank of oxygen back to the room and use it until it runs out but I knew I would be okay. I walked back to the room and Payton looked worried when the door opend she would ask for me. I was fully inside the room and Logan was there and he was looking right at me. "Addie are you okay baby?" I looked at Payton and nodded a yes. I walked over to her and hugged her and kissed her cheeck, "how are you feeling hun?" I knew she was about to lie,"I feel great all those pills I swallowed are slowly killing me I feel amazing Addie." Her faced dropped as she said thoes words, "you're not dying babes I promise." I don't know why I said that I knew and se knew and everyone in this room knew she was dying. Logan got up and said, "Addison I need to talk to you." He walked out othe room, I followed of course. "Make this qui-" He cut me off when he kissed me. I pushed him away, "we broke up remember, hun" I sassily walked back into the room, at the doorway I turned around and slapped my ass and did one of thoses 'you don't have all this anymore' smiles. Logan walked in behind me, "Payton I hope you get better and same to you Addison I'm out bye." The way he said it sound like one of those rappers, that was Quizzy Logan everyone.

When he left Payton laughed, "so I take it there is no more Addison and Logan, Addie I know this is really soon but I mean I'm dying and shit and I was wondering if you would like you wanted to be with me. I know I'm a mess and I would really like to be your mess." I did one of thoses school girl laughs, "yes, you adorable idiot you can be my mess." I walked by her bed side and grabbed her hand and she pulled my hand close to her face and kissed it, "I loved you Addie okay. Just know that please don't ever forget that because one day will not be here to tell you and I want you to know that." She picked up her phone said Anna record this please." Anna looked at her and smiled she put her phone down, "I have the first whole half of the proposal." I smiled and laughed a little as well. Payton took off her ring and held it carefully and said, "will you Addison Matthews marry me." I smiled and replied a yes. She placed the ring on my finger and kissed me, "I love you foreve and ever until the end of our time on Earth and enven after that. I promise that if they don't come for me I will not and shall not ever let go of this ugly yet beautiful thing we call life." Anna just smiled and I guess she was remebering when Quinn asked her out. Yet after Payton said that I couldn't focus on what she was saying I just focused on the what if factor which was going to be my worst nightmare. This was going to be worse that prior nightmares and terrible thoughts.

Once she said that my world came crashing down remebering how much it would hurt to lose her and how much pain I would be in. I knew this was going to happen but I really didn't think this through I'm an idiot. I would lose my bestfriend, the love for my forever, my love. I would lose my everything. I would have nothing, I would have my friends but it wouldn't be the same it couldn't be the same ever again. Everything would be diffentent then, why did I not think this through. I love Payton but what am I going to do when she dies, please don't ever let go Payton.

"Payton I just wanted you to know that every snowflake is differnent just like you, Pincess. I love you." I knew the second I said that I was going to end up getting hurt but who cares when it comes to love.