My Love

Drinking problems

Alice looked at me, "Addie you're only 16 or 17 you have had more beers that I have had in about 2 weeks."

I shot her a clear look of 'shut the fuck up,' "I really don't care I miss Jack." She sighed and cleaned up about I don't know 14 or maybe 24 bottles of beer

"You need to stop you've had 20 bottle of beer, I you're dunker than I imaged." She looked down, "I should have just given you one. No I should have given you none because you're under aged. You're spending the night and day and night again here because you're going to have a horrible hangover and your dad will freak out if he sees you like third." I nodded.

After about 20 minutes my phone began ringing, it had Logan and a picture of me and him on out first official date. "Hey Addison, haven't heard from you in a while, are you okay baby?" I kind of shifted around wondering whether to tell him I was like shit or I was perfectly fine.

I looked in Alice's direction to see her writing something on a paper that she held up and told me to read it, "C-come over to Alice's.......please." There was a short pause between what I said and his response, “you’re drunk and Alice is talking right?" I kind of just laughed and he hung up.

Logan- Give Alice the phone, I'm on my way to get her I'm so sorry.

I sat on the couch and just began falling asleep on Alice. When Logan finally got there I was passed out and crying about how much everything hurt. "Thank you Alice, thank you for keeping her alive. Who knows what she would have done without you." Alice nodded. "Logan it hurts I miss him I want him back, his birthday is coming up," I began crying even more. "I know it hurts now, but its go-" I began yelling, "don't you fucking say "but Addison it's going to get better!"

"Logan it doesn't get better for people like me! I have just learned to cope with it, people that I love like Jack, Logan, Alice, Anna, Quinn. Oh my fucking god Quinn I need to see her now I need to make sure she is still okay, Jack is all she had that made her happy I mean she has family but Jack us all she thought she needed." I began crying at the thought of losing Quinn right after Jack. I called Jack's phone and the looked at the contact picture which was me and him about 1 month ago.

"I need to call Quinn, I need to call Quinn I need to cal-" I yawned and looked at Logan who just looked at me with sympathy, that face that is like, 'I'm sorry for everything you have been thought.' I rolled my eyes and then closed them. He put me in the back seat of his car and buckled me in, I called Quinn. "Hey are you okay?" I could tell she had been crying, "I-I'm sorry" she managed to say, "Logan take me to Quinn's house now!" He jus nodded I don't think he was in the mood to argue with me.

"Quinn, are you okay what happened what did you do?" I was trying not to lose my shit and if I called Anna she would freak out like crazy.

Logan pulled up to her house and I ran out of the car straight for the house the door was unlocked for me. "Quinn! Quinn where are you!" I ran up the stairs into the room, there were droplets of blood on her white sheets. I looked at her and she looked at me, "I-I'm sorry, I m-miss him."

I put my hand on her knee, "Quinn this isn't going to bring J-Jack back, he is gone I can't do anything to bring him back and nor can you." I looked at her arms and she pulled them away, "we need to bandage this now." She nodded; I got up and walked towards her bathroom. I grabbed some gauze and tape stuff and walked back into her room as calmly as possible so I wouldn't alarm her.

I placed the gauze around her arm and then wrapped tape around her arm. I watched as blood began showing on the gauze, I looked at her and she nodded. I began putting more and more tape on her wrists to that way you wouldn't be able to come off. The blood stopped after awhile. I told her I would spend the night and she invited Logan to sleep on the couch in the living room.

I fell asleep on the fold out couch and made sure she got rid of her blades.

****

The next morning was my "hangover morning," I didn't have a headache or anything bad I just very tired and cold. I looked to see Quinn was still awake and alive. I walked towards her to she’s that she was still breathing thank goodness. 

"Hey Quinn? Are you okay?" She woke up and just looked at me, and kind of closed her eyes. 

"Can you not look at me or talk to me because you remind me to much of Jack and you're going to have to leave and just stay away from me for awhile."

I blinked and looked at her and she looked away from me and rolled over. "I'm not going anywhere until your family gets back I will not let you kill yourself today, tomorrow, the day after that or ever as a matter a fact. I won't let you kill yourself."

She just laid on her side not facing me of course, "that's what Jack liked about you." I looked down I heard her begin crying, “He loved you Addison but you loved Logan so he gave up. Yet if it was you Addison you wouldn't give up ever you never gave up on anything." 

"Quinn I don't give up on things that I care about, but I gave up on myself for that long time remember." She sat up and looked at me, "repeat what you said." I looked at her and took a step back, "I don’t give up on things I care about, but I gave up on myself." She began crying, "he said that to me once when he was depressed and wondering what in the world of fuck he was doing with his life and why he was here and his purpose of life." I remembered him calling me one night talking about that, I went to his house and sat at the foot of his bed as he cried about how he wasn't sure what he was doing or what he was going to do. "Quinn I'm going to make you something to eat stay here and please." She nodded; I knew I couldn't leave her alone for long, not with her like this. 

I made her some eggs and bacon with toast because that's all I knew how to make. I walked up the stairs past a sleeping Logan; it felt weird in Jack's house and not being called 'kiddo' 24/7 and being asked what I was doing. Last time I was here I was spending the night it was about a month ago, his house looked so empty without Jack. 

*******

"Addison?!"  I looked up the stairs, "Addison can you come help me?"  I walked up the stairs, "coming."  I walked down the hallway and approached Jack's room; I walked to the frame of the door, "Jack what you are doing?" I heard him laugh and he turned around, "surprise!" I know this is really late and your birthday was about a month ago but I was saving up to get you those band shirts you wanted oh yeah and the tickets to the concert."  He just got me a ring and now concert tickets, "Jackson you shouldn't have!" He looked at me, "I didn't have to but I did so shut up."  I laughed and looked at the tickets, Pierce The Veil and Sleeping With Sirens. Oh my fucking god how did he get the money for this? "I sold my guitar these tickets I know you were wondering what I did." He sold his guitar for tickets, for tickets for me. I felt really bad and I looked around his room it wasn't his favorite acoustic or eclectic. "It wasn't my favorites it was one of my newer ones that was like $2000 it was a Yamaha or something like that."

*******

"Addison?" I looked to my side and it was just Logan. "Yeah what's wrong?" He  just looked at me, "You were talking to yourself." 

"Seriously fuck I thought.......no never mind it was dumb that I thought it was real. He's dead and I can't even tell him 'I love you' or 'I miss you'.' They took him away and they should die I hate them and if I knew who they were they would be dead." I dropped the plate and began crying.

"Addison calm down," Logan just looked down at me. 

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down. Jack is gone and I miss him more than you even know." I got up and walked out and slammed the front door and didn't stop walking even when I read Logan call for me. I did turn around when Quinn said, "Please come back." 

"I’m not going back Quinn you wanted me to stay away, and I'm leaving you alone. So long Quinn."