My Love

Nightmares

Payton had never seemed so sad and dead before. She knew she couldn't do anything to keep from dying, she just gave up. She realized there was nothing left to fight for, on day 2 of the 9 she broke up with me and I didn't want her to but she did. I stayed by her side though I didn't plan on leaving ever. I loved Payton and I wasn't going to give up on her now. She may have been dying and not talking to anyone but this wasn't the end it couldn't have been the end, could it have been the end?

I hadn't talked to Payton in 3 days because she had basically cut out everyone, we would talk to her and she kept looking at the blank wall. The wall was white with a dry erase board on it that had her name and everything about her. I had written her name every morning a different way. She never made eye contact with anyone in the room, the doctors would come in and talk to her but no respose from her. She never took her eyes off the board. She hadn't slept in days in awhile, as far as I knew. She wrote me a letter when she broke up with me, it was basically saying I should find someone that was going to live and that wasn't on a short lifespan. Even though time after time I told her all I wanted was her and all I would ever want was her she left.

Payton was my everything, my sorrows, my regret, and most importantly my love.

I regret not spending more time with her, I regret not realizing I had a ton of feeling for her. I regret not telling her I loved her every moment that we were together. I regret begin to clingy, I regret leaving her alone that day. I regret not doing everything I could to keep her safe.

Payton was all I had Payton was all I needed, she was beautiful in every way. She was all I want and all I ever wanted. Payton's dark black hair was parted the bangs she usually had were combed to either side and placed behind her ears. She usually wore a little bit of lipstick and eyeliner. She stopped trying when they told her she was dying. Payton's face still looked dead.

Today I hade decided to write her name very girly and in cursive. She looked somewhat happy when she saw it. Maybe I saw her smile or it could had been just my imagination.

******
Payton had 3 days left, I wasn't sure how to expect her to die, I didn't know what was going to happen. I got her to talk to me that day, she told me her goodbye to me and I kissed her forehead. I had decided to wear a skirt and button up shirt with a tie that she gave me. She grabbed me by the tie and kissed the shit out of me. I knew I shouldn't have enjoyed it because soon it was be over and I would never get anything like that, again. Payton was all I wanted in a person, she was nice, beautiful, and always gave the best hugs.

******
I woke up and looked around the pale grey room like I did every morning, hoping it was just a dream that she was dying. I looked at my hand that was holding Payton's hand. I let go slowly so I wouldn't wake her. I heard a knock at the door and tippy-toed to the door.

I opened the door and saw the doctor, "hey sir, Payton's asleep." He smiled, "well I have some good news." I looked at him and he smiled even bigger, "Payton has about 6 weeks left, unless we can do something else." I smiled for the first time in awhile.

6 weeks that's all I needed, he said she could go home. Later that day she got her shit together and we left that hell hole. She seemed to be getting better and everything seemed to be getting better.

*******

I heard someone calling me and I began looking around my living room. Payton looked at me. I put my hands over my ear and fell to the ground. I felt my lungs closing in. I heard my doctor calling my name over and over again.

I opened my eyes to my a bight light in my eyes, "she wake is she going to be okay?" I heard my dad's voice. "She's been out for 24 hours, she was gripping her chest saying she couldn't breathe we were in the middle of our final lesson and she because screaming for Payon. I wasn;t sure what to do so I called you guys and they brought her here." My tutor was talking to one of the nurses. "Was that all a dream the whole thing?" My family just looked at me, "what?" I looked down, "is Payton dying?" My dad shook his head no.

I looked turned my head to the corner of the room where a very upset Logan was sitting, he had his headphones in probably to keep himself from going ape shit. "Logan?" no response, "Logan?" Payton looked and tapped his shoulder he looked her and threw his headphones out and ran to me, "Addie, baby are you okay please, please be okay I have been living on coffee for 27 hours." I gave a faint smile, "yeah, I'm fine." I adjusted myself to where I was sitting up, Logan automatically hugged me and held me close, "I love you Addison Matthes." I looked down, "I love you to Logan." Payton walked over to me and hugged me, "I missed you freaking out every hour." I laughed at her stupid way of saying, "yay you didn't die" wow thanks Payton.

The doctor walked over to me and began talking to me about how I may have these little shity things for awhile but they should go away after awhile, he reccommended that I begin using stupid air tanks. For some odd reason I thought of The Fault In Our Stars, I was Hazle Fucking Grace Lancaster, man. Mr.Doctor mand must have realized that I zoned out because he cleared his throat. "Did you hear me you need to take a few tanks with you, just for one week the week though." I nodded and sighed, I looked at Logan and gave a nervous smile, "you're still going to be hot to me baby." I smiled, he's such and idiot, I looked at Payton's facial expression and she had facepalmed and begun laughing.

A little after an hour later we had finally gotten out of the shithole hospital and gone home. I walked to my room and pet the adorable kittens, they were the same size as the day before, well no shit Sherlock. Payton walked into my room and we had a conoversation about how bands are better than rap. She was going though my closet trying to sort things with a tiny wodden box fell off the top shelf.

I picked up the tiny wodden box and read the letter that was in it,

"Dear Addison,
Im sorry we had to leave so soon I wanted to wait for you but we needed to get out of the house, when you get this you should get out of there as well. They are out to get us and we had to leave I'm so sorry just know that I love you my beautiful little girl. xoxo

- Mom"

I looked at Payton and she looked at me, "who's out to get you?" I had no idea who would want to hurt my family, "I don't know." I walked down stairs in search of my family, "guys?" I walked into the kitchen to see a letter saying they went out to get some crap for me. "Yeah just leave your sick daughter here." I heard a knock at the door and I walked to the door and turned the knob to see a gun pointed at my forehead.