Dust to Dust

27

Jenny was asked to stay away from Eren and the others for the rest of the day to avoid questioning. This was supposed to be between her and Asher alone, and apparently it would be better if she was the only one who knew about what was going on. That felt extremely unfair, but she was going to comply until she actually knew all the details. If it was important enough to share with everyone, she would. But beforehand, all she could do was obey Asher's wishes. If she had told someone ahead of time like Eren, he might just give up on telling her altogether.

Asher had left the river hours ago, and Jenny hadn't moved. She still had a lot to think about, after all. It felt exactly like back in Vermont. There was nothing to do but drown in her own mind, and after all that thinking, she realized that there was something she could do for Jasper even though he was already gone. He didn't know what Asher was doing around camp either, so if she was going to find out tonight, maybe his death would mean something. If she gained this knowledge, she would know something he didn't. This was a way to make up for making him feel like he wasn't enough. Of course it wouldn't bring him back, but it was something. Even so, the truth wasn't going to be pretty. So maybe she would be better off not knowing at all. 

The best way to avoid contact with everyone else was by staying in one spot that almost nobody went to, so she stayed by the river for most of the day. While it would have been boring, it was just sad now that it was the day after she found out that Jasper died. Asher could be making this whole thing up, and that mouse could have been a lucky coincidence, but Jenny believed Asher anyway. He just didn't seem like a liar, at least not now. And then again, that mouse wanted to die more than anything, even if she didn't know what it was thinking, it was blatantly obvious, she just didn't want to believe it.

Looking back on it, she couldn't believe she had just stayed there for almost six hours with no other contact. That was what mourning did to you, you lost any sense of time or reality. In any other case, she would have been freaking out over the fact that she was trapped inside this place because of some supernatural curse. That didn't happen every day. But so much had gone down that it almost didn't even seem like a big deal.

It was in the evening, and she was just waiting until Asher or Charlotte came along to take her to the church. She was trying to stay focused on the topic that mattered most , which was Asher, but Jasper just wouldn't leave her head, and she didn't have the energy to try and stop it.

She didn't even say anything when Charlotte was suddenly sitting beside her. "Have you really just been sitting here all day? Everyone's worried about you, Eren's been the most frustrated. I told you, numbness is only going to make things worse. Please let us know what we can do for you." she had a really worried tone, but it had no effect on her.

"Nothing. Nothing can be done. I just need to know what that psycho is thinking, and what the fuck is going on here. Then I can die satisfied."

"Jenny!" she sounded revolted that she was talking like that. Jenny gave her a nasty glare, knowing she was going to come at her with the 'you matter' bullshit. Just another thing to block out, she had heard it one too many times.

"Two things. One, have you even thought about how that might affect everyone else? Delilah, Jasper, and you gone? There would be panic and extreme distress spread across the camp. You need to live, Jenny, not just for their sake, but because you do have a chance!"

"What? What do I have left? I can't leave this place, and everyone I grow close to dies! I would be better off gone." it was true. If this curse was real, she was trapped in here forever, with no chance at freedom. Living under a maniac and constant death across the camp. That sounded like a miserable life.

"Jenny. What happened to Jasper and Delilah was extremely tragic, but it wasn't your fault! New people will come in, and you still have people here, don't you? Talk to them, they can help you."

"That's what Delilah said. Now she's in the fucking ground."

There was nothing Charlotte could say to that. Jenny had never been this reluctant before as long as they'd known each other, and clearly nothing she was saying was getting through to her. She just took a breath and turned the other way. Jenny wanted to feel bad for lashing out, because Charlotte had been nothing but kind to her through this mess, but if none of it was helping anymore, what was the point of trying to be nice?

"What was the second thing you were going to say?"

Charlotte shook her head, disappointed. "I wouldn't refer to Asher like that. He's not a psychopath. He's suffering greatly. You are too, so maybe you could come to understand him. He just has different ways of dealing with things. Worse ways I'm sure, but that doesn't minimize your feelings. I think if you got through to him, you two could really get along. And he doesn't open up easily. But you know a lot more than anyone else here does. Tonight, you should try and talk to him. Really, finding someone with similar issues as yourself and talking it through can be very effective. You trust me don't you?"

She had grown to despise that question. Every time it was spoken by anyone, it felt like a guilt trip. But she did trust Charlotte, probably more than anyone. And that was dangerous.

"Yeah. I do. Sorry for being a bitch." she came off sarcastic, but she meant it. 

"You're alright. I understand you're suffering." the two accepted the peaceful silence for a moment before Charlotte stood back up and held her hand out.

"Come on. I think it's time we head back now. Don't worry about the others, I told them to give you time to mourn." it's not like she was exactly lying. But it was also extremely important that she kept her distance from everyone for the rest of the night. Asher would only talk if it was just her, and that was the way it had to be, no matter how sketchy it was. It's not like she would be defenseless against him, he looked like a walking skeleton after all. So overall, she was safe.

Jenny took Charlotte's hand and rose up. Her legs felt slightly off since she had been sitting for an excessive amount of time. Once she was able to stand up straight, someone came running into the scene. They turned and saw a panting Eren, who had clearly been crying. Their face and eyes were all pink, but they looked so glad to see Jenny.

"I found you guys. Jesus, where have you been all day?" their voice was so strained, the news must have hurt worse than Jenny thought. They had known each other far longer than she had, so it shouldn't be a shock. She needed to do something, Eren was clearly in a lot of pain.

Jenny let go of Charlotte and approached them, putting her arms around their shoulders. Eren paused for a second, confused. Then they laughed a little, but it was clear they were about to start crying again.

"Don't scare me like that again. We can't... lose anyone else." they put their hands on her back and started trembling.

Jasper meant a lot to so many others, not just her. He lit up every room he walked into and was just the best guy to be around. Even when he was annoying sometimes, it was rare that the arguments would last long. It looked like Eren was pissed at him all the time, but that was just their way of normal interaction. Everyone was so lucky to have him. Even if his time had been cut short. Damn, this really was a pain in the ass.

Before she knew it, she was crying right along with them.