OVERLOOKED ㅤkotlc

034. Burning Me

I turn the knob, and golden water streams from the shower head.

It's numbingly hot, but I don't flinch.

It reminds me of when Fintan burned me, actually.

It's ridiculous, I think, how my life went downhill so quickly.

I reach for the shampoo, water racing down my arm,

drip

drip

dripping

down.

So maybe I like Rosaleen.

It doesn't matter, though.

I squeeze shampoo into my palm, not really focusing.

Because even if I ever say anything, it's not like I'm good enough for her.

I wasn't good enough for Sophie.

I'm not good enough for Rosaleen.

And she realizes it, doesn't she? She's figured me out, she's figured out how broken and messed up I am. She's figured me out, and now she's staying away from me.

This isn't Sophie's fault, or Rosaleen's, though, it's mine, because surely, surely,

there's something wrong with me,

for everything that's ever gone wrong for me.

Surely, there's a reason I was bullied, beyond my parents and siblings.

Surely, my brain must've been screwed up to almost freaking murder Wonderboy.

Surely, Sophie didn't like me this way for a reason, and I mean, hey, I get it, I get it, I—

I'm crying, hyperventilating, oh God,

I'm going freaking mad.

My shoulders are shaking, I'm gasping for air, I'm crying so hard.

I clamp my hands over my mouth, trying to keep it in,

but please, please, it's getting hard to breathe.

It's getting hard to breathe.

And the voice comes back, and it asks me, Why are you crying?

It taunts me. You're so weak for crying, it says.

I try to remember what Mom told me about crying, why it's good, why it means someone's strong, but in this moment, I can't remember.

I can't remember.

Would anyone even miss you if you were gone? it asks me.

I stay on the floor of the bathtub, translucent gold streaming down, burning me.

My thoughts, the ones I'd buried, come alive, infesting my brain.

I know I'm being dramatic, and I hate it. But right now, it feels like I'm alone.

Mom and Dad are far away, I haven't seen Rosaleen in almost two weeks, and the only people I have are murderers.

Seconds tick by, or maybe it's minutes, hours, eternities.

However long it is, it feels too long, yet too short at the same time.

But as I calm down, it's like I'm finally coming up for air, after drowning for days.

As much as it still hurts, I can finally breathe.

And it's okay. Really, it is.

I get it, after all.

I'll be here for Rosaleen if she ever comes back.

But if she doesn't, I'll understand why.

And it's okay, I tell myself. I didn't even fall that hard. I'm okay.

And yet, that traitorous voice in my head whispers, But you're wrong.

You are not, and will not, be okay this time.

I bitterly smile, knowing it's right. It's always right.

Oh how history repeats itself.

˚ ༘ 🌷 ── author's note!

well this was a melodramatic chapter!

im a sucker for breakdowns and parallels, not that i can write them well <//3

hehe but ignoring the fact that dex is spiralling deeper into his buried self-loathing,, tysm cici for the art !!! you drew melia and rosaleen so pretty and i love it sm :sobs:

you're an amazing artist and i'm honestly honored that you wanted to draw them <333 i appreciate u sm!!