OVERLOOKED ㅤkotlc

037. Black and White

"Can I go take a shower?"

I look up from the textbook I'm reading, about chemical compounds. "Sure? Did you bring clothes?"

It's been two days since Rosaleen started coming to the dinners.

Tomorrow, I'm giving Vespera some weapons for her to look at, which I rushed this afternoon. Now I'm doing a last-minute check on all the injection-based weapons.

Rosaleen leans back on her palms. "Do you have anything I can borrow?"

"Um..." I hesitate, then take off my hoodie, tossing it to her. "You can wear this? I have a new pair of sweatpants in that drawer, too."

"Mkay." She stands from the bed, making her way to my drawer.

I watch her, curious. "Why do you wanna shower?"

A pause. "I keep thinking about home and stuff," she finally says. "I think a cold shower would do me good."

"Oh." I close the book; the weapons should be fine, anyway. "You wanna talk about it?"

She avoids my gaze, taking the new sweatpants from the drawer. "Maybe," Rosaleen admits. "I didn't shower yet today, though, so if it's alright...?"

I nod, gesturing towards the bathroom. "Go ahead," I say. "There's clean towels inside the cupboard."

She smiles. "I'll be quick," she promises, disappearing into the bathroom.

I lean back in my chair, fingering a gear.

Whenever I find myself thinking about home, I always push it back down, because I don't want my thoughts to spiral out of control.

But Rosaleen seems to think about it a lot; probably healthier than what I'm doing, but... isn't it still painful? Especially since her family has no idea.

A couple of minutes pass, and then I hear the water turning off. Another few minutes tick by, and the door opens.

Her hair's still dripping, and my hoodie is way too big on her. Her old clothes, folded neatly, are in her arms, and she puts them on the nightstand.

I softly laugh. "Come on," I say, standing. "You have to dry your hair."

Rosaleen hides a smile. "I don't have to," she says, and it reminds me of Bex.

I smile, bittersweet. "At least let me wring it out?"

"Only because you asked so nicely," she teases.

Rosaleen sits at the edge of the bed, and I sit behind her. "So... did you wanna talk about... whatever you're thinking?" I say tentatively.

She hesitates. "If... I mean, are you okay with it?"

"Mhm," I say, gently squeezing water out of her hair. It drips onto the sheets, leaving them damp, but I don't really care.

A pause. "Sometimes I don't know if I'm gonna make it home."

My heart twists for her. "We will," I tell her.

"What about Ixora?"

My fingers stall. "It's... we'll figure it out, okay? It'll be fine."

"I guess." There's another silence.

"But what if I do die? Mom won't know for a couple of days, and she'll do fine without me—and she doesn't know about Ixora." Rosaleen lets out a shaky breath. "I don't even know if I want her to know."

Parts of it parallel my own thoughts, and it's strange and sad to hear out loud.

"It'll still matter if you die, though," I say quietly. "She'll find out eventually, Rosaleen, and it'll still hurt the same. Besides, it'll matter to me."

There's a long silence, and then she asks, "Is it bad that I don't care if I die?"

I hesitate. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to die, but if I were to drop dead right now, I wouldn't care. Like, once I'm dead, I can't be sad about it. It just won't matter."

I quietly brush out her hair, and there's a silence. Her hands tremble. "Then why are you crying?" I finally ask.

"I don't know," she whispers, her voice shaking. "Shouldn't I be happy? Ixora's alive."

I continue to gently work her hair, a heavy silence hanging in the air.

"It's a hard situation," I say, after a minute. I hate that it's hard to find the right words. "Emotions aren't just black and white; what you're feeling is completely valid. Okay?"

A pause. "Okay." Her voice is barely audible.

I let out a breath. "Okay," I repeat.

We're quiet for another moment, and then she says, "How've you been, though?"

I'm surprised for a second, but then I say, "I'm alright." I can't tell if it's true or on instinct.

"Really? That's good."

"Yeah. I kinda miss the triplets and my parents, but... it's not that bad."

She releases a shaky breath. "That's good," she says. "You're really strong, you know? I'm glad you're okay."

Maybe she thinks so, but I think it's the other way around. I find it impressive that she still wears her heart on her sleeve, even after everything.

I guess we've both been through some stuff.

"You should go to your room and sleep," I say gently, after a moment. It's almost 3 am.

She hugs her knees against her chest, avoiding my gaze. "Can I stay for a little bit? I don't wanna go back yet."

I move to sit next to her. "Sure. Stay as long as you want." I nudge her. "Don't sleep too late, though."

Rosaleen lets out a breathless laugh. "Thanks, Dex."

"For?"

"Everything."

I soften. "No problem."

˚ ༘ 🌷  ──  author's note!

not me rewriting this chapter last-minute during school and before a homework call! :)

that's why it's late jahdjs im sorry HAHA <//3

it also might be a bit scuffed, like with the writing and dialogue and all, but hopefully its ok? idk, that's up to you guys bc im too lazy to reread it again haha :))

oh and, i made a miscellaneous book! it has a dexaleen thing in it, and i'll put a cut part of overlooked in it later :]

BUT ALSO tysm keefezs for reading >:(( ILY AND YOUR TASTE IS IMMACULATE !!

aNd, cici made rulia art and it's literally so pretty ?? i love it sm hehe, I THINK THE CELL SHADINGS RLLY NICE TOO <33

anywho tysm for reading!! vote if you like <33 see u on monday! :))