Blackbird

*(Y/N)'s POV*

I arrived there only a minute later, relieved Tony and his unsparing self had put a mini bar in-between the gym and the lab. Grabbing a water bottle and looking at what the gym had to offer I decide, of course, to train on the punching bag. 

I violently punched against the bag, making it sway. My emotions barely under control. Steves little adventure down my past had taken me much more out of line than I thought. The pain from my memories still lingered, causing me to punch even harder and changing into kick boxing, now using my legs to torture the bag as well. Conveniently, the bag took on Steves face in my mind.
Yet, the lingering pain consumed me after nearly 2 hours of physical labor.  The same thing happened that had happened the night before, slowly creeping its way up my spine. I felt the panic attack slowly travel to my unprotected brain. Eating me up from within. Slowly, I let my body slide down the bag. Resting my forehead on its cold, black leather. I started to cry again, and I wanted it to stop already. I was tired of it. A short moment from my life still creeping in on me. Crying started to turn into sadness and sadness turned into anger. Towards Steve bringing up that topic again.

'May I come in?'

A soft, worried, manly voice said, towering over me. I looked up at Steves eyes, finding something like regret in them. Or maybe he just felt sorry for me, who cares honestly.

'Go away Steve, this is a private place.'

'I know, its Tonys...and mine.'

Registering his words I stood up. Anger still lingering in me, I made my way to the door with the big green exit-sign over top.

'Fine. Sorry to intrude, I'll leave then.'

'Wait, (Y/N). I'm sorry I shouldn't -'

'Yes, Steve. You shouldn't have. Exactly! There is a reason I kept that detail about my life a secret you know. And you wanna know why? Because it fucking hurts. Looking at Tony every fucking day since the incident in Siberia.'

Steve decided to not back down.

'(Y/N)... What happened after you followed Tony up there? There was no report about it.'

My anger slowly drifted, realizing his curiosity was not just...curiosity. There was real and utter concern in his eyes. For me.

'If you really don't want to tell me, I'm game. I understand that you don't want to. But I'm begging you (Y/N). Don't let it eat you up. He's alright now. And you know, sometimes talking to people helps. Doesn't matter who you talk to.'

Slowly breaking down the walls of hate I had build around me when speaking of Steve, I began to tell him everything that happened. I sat down against a wall and Steve sat down right next to me. Both staring into distance as I started to talk.

'After J.A.R.V.I.S helped me put Tony in the artificial coma I felt devastated. I saw him lie there, like a fucking statue. Motionless. It broke me Steve, it did. I know Tony woke up and is up and running like it never happened but before he woke up at the hospital Strange, he was still practicing then, said that a few minutes later and Tony could have lost the most important thing in his life. His brain. Because I almost didn't act fast enough.'

'But you did, didn't you? So there is no need feeling distressed about it.'

'I didn't though. I hesitated after J.A.R.V.I.S told me what I had to do. I suppose I am not really only mad at you, Rogers. You just remind me of my mistake and of course why he was there fighting in the first place.'

A little, exasperated laugh escaped my lips. Feeling oddly...free. It felt good having told someone how I felt after keeping it hidden for so long. Even if it was Steve after all.