Life as a Minecraft Mob

Magma cube

(Translated from Squelchese)

We used to be humans. Then we became zombies. Then we turned into slimes. Then we became magma cubes.

Let me tell you how we became zombies. Oh, you know? Then let me tell you how we became slimes. You know that too? Oh.

We're always overlooked. I mean, seriously, some miners don't even know we exist! Okay, so it's mostly the noobs, but that doesn't matter. They're still miners.

When somebody says 'minecraft', what do you think people think? Usually, they think something like, 'Creepers! Mining! Diamonds!' Maybe they even think, 'Zombies! Slimes! Nether!'

Even if you ask them to think of the nether, they think, 'Lava! Ghasts! Hell!' But never, 'Magma cube!'

Well, I guess you know how we turned into magma cubes, anyway. You don't? Then I shall tell you.

It's quite simple, actually. We were just slimes that accidentally went through a nether portal. It was pretty amazing, seeing all the ghasts, way up high in the sky.

We saw the zombie pigmen, running around with their golden swords. They didn't attack us, so, we didn't attack them.

Then we saw lava. We hadn't ever seen lava before. We thought it was just red water. Oh, how wrong we were.

"Anybody up for a swim?" smiled one of my mates. Then he hopped straight into the lava.

When we saw him flailing around in the lava, we simply laughed. However we quickly realised that he was not having fun. He was dying.

Naturally, we panicked. "Jim, I'm coming to save you!" somebody cried.

"No!" everybody else shouted. Long ago, our ancestors had done the same sort of thing - saved one of their own kind, and, as a result, transformed into the slimes we were today. However, we were perfectly happy as we were, and wished not to change by doing anything foolish.

So, with a slightly guilty feeling in our stomachs, we watched our friend slowly and gradually burn to death. And when he eventually died, we waited expectantly to rise out of the ashes, reborn into a greater being.

But nothing happened. We were fed up of this hellish world now, so we began to hop away.

Our way was blocked, though. By something that looked like a burning slime.

"Hey, it's Jim! He's transformed! Cool!"

However, Jim looked different somehow. His eyes were glowing malevolently. We all took a hop back.

"Jim? Uh, why are you looking so angry...?"

"You didn't save me," he growled, "So prepare to meet the same fate I did."

Jim hopped towards us - more like leaped, actually. His body was now spring-like and he could jump much farther. But it was longer between jumps, so we were about the same speed. Then, without any warning, he stopped.

Confused, we looked around worriedly. Then suddenly, we were jolted from behind, and fell into a lava waterfall.

"No! It hurts, stop!"

I gritted my teeth - well, not really, as I had no teeth. But I simply stared at Jim and attempted to hop towards him. He noticed my efforts and laughed.

"You want me to go into the lava? Well then, I shall," he grinned. I watched, wide-eyed, as he once again jumped into the burning fluid.

But he did not burn. He was invulnerable to the lava. "So long, suckers!" he laughed nastily, and leapt away.

Then we felt ourselves change. Our bodies darkened, but our eyes glowed orange. We began to unravel into springs, and the pain slowly subsided.

"What are we?"

"Let's call us... lava springs!" I suggested.

"I think magma cube sounds nicer," objected somebody else. Everybody agreed with him.

"All right then, fine," I muttered to myself. However, for now, we had priorities to take care of. Jim was visible in the distance, talking to a couple of pigmen and a ghast. Without talking, we headed towards him.

By the time he looked around, he was already being attacked viciously by us. It did not take take long for him to fall.

The other mobs looked at each other. "We won't hurt you if you don't hurt us," they offered.

"All right," we agreed. And that was that. At first, we were well acquainted with the other mobs, but over time, they took less and less notice of us. We only kill the humans for their ignorance.

Someday, we will be feared and known all over this blocky world, and the humans shall tremble with terror at the mere sight of us. We shall accomplish that by slaying the humans until at last, when somebody mentions the word 'minecraft', people will instantly think, 'magma cube'.

Oh, and the rebellion against the enderdragon? Who cares about that? It doesn't know about us, and we'd like to keep it that way. Count us out.