The dinner was amazing, I actually love their family, they are so kind! Tomorrow it would be officially Christmas and I was as excited as a little kid. I was staying in the guest room because it would be awkward to sleep in Jack or Finn's room since Kian is my boyfriend. Before I went to bed I quickly texted Kian.
-ho ho ho merry christmas, love you x -
-awh ella love you too <3 did you have a good day? x -
-yes!! it was amazing, wbu? x -
-good, and yes I really enjoyed it, I don't think maddie did lol...-
- why? -
- idk she was texting the whole dinner long. -
-oh. same thing for finn eh.... -
-they are cute together :-) x -
-not at all ew -
-ahhh don't be so jealous, you have me i am the best x x jk -
-hahaha idiot ily and i'm not jealous capiche?! -
-uh yeah sure, anyways i think im going to fall asleep, good night love <3 -
-night xxxx -
I tried to sleep but I couldn't.. I have no idea why, I mean I woke up early this morning.
After 2 hours I still couldn't sleep. I decided to get something to eat. I tried to be very quiet but I was being clumsy again.. yay.. I saw a guy in the kitchen. I can't tell if it's Jack or Finn.
''Ella why are you awake?'' Finn. ''Eh.. I can't sleep, why are you awake?''
''Same thing.'' He sat down on the couch with a sandwich. ''Sharing is caring.'' He smiled and cut his sandwich into two parts. ''Thanks.'' I smiled and sat next to him. ''So....'' I said awkwardly. ''Are you really in love with her?''
''Who?'' He asked.
''Maddie.''
He shrugged. ''I don't know, why?''
''Eh just wondering.'' I sighed.
''What about you?'' He smiled
''Yes, I guess.'' I smiled. I didn't know why I was so worried about Finn. I want him to be happy, but why Maddie. And why does Maddie suddenly like him. Why does Finn suddenly like Maddie. Why is Maddie being nice to me? Finn even said she looks like a slut.. I don't get it.
I looked in Finn's eyes. They were sparkling.. Before I knew it I pulled him closer and I could hear his breath. Am I this stupid... yes. I slowly kissed him, I was scared but he kissed me passionately back. I didn't know if I felt amazing, loved or if I hated myself.
He was shocked and I was shocked too.. tears started streaming down my face. ''I'm sorry..'' I hate myself so much, I love Finn but not in that way. I can't believe I actually kissed him... How am I gonna tell this to Kian? I lay in bed with the pillow on my head so no one could hear me crying.
Well.. the pillow didn't help since someone knocked on the door, it was Jack.
''Ella.. are you okay?'' He whispered and sat down on my bed.
''I'm sorry.''
He was confused. ''For what?''
''Kissing Finn.''
He laughed ''Yeah I understand why you're sorry, I'm a better kisser, I know.'' but I didn't laugh and he was worried again. ''No but seriously.. what happened?''
''Well.. I don't know I.. I ju- I don't know eh we kissed but kian and eh.'' I couldn't even talk proper.
He wiped away my tears. ''Don't cry, please, it's not your fault. I think I know why you kissed him... Maddie?''
I shrugged. ''Well, maybe, I don't know.''
''I never liked her to be honest.. when is she gonna leave london?''
I shrugged again.
''Do you want me to leave?''
''No, please stay..''
He smiled and lay next to me. I could really use a hug right now. I'm happy that he stayed with me. I don't know why I used to complain so much about London.. I'm such a shitty friend.
It didn't take too long after that till I fell asleep, with the worst feeling ever.
