What Could Have Been (vigilante deku)

66

Begin by crossing the wide end under the narrow end, while the tie hangs inside out around your neck.

Pull the wide end up over the narrow end.

Take the wide end down through the loop and tighten the knot.

Move the wide end horizontally over the narrow end.

Pull the wide end back up through the loop.

Shinsou followed the directions his dad had taught him all those years ago to properly put on his tie. He breathed steadily, staring distastingly at his reflection in the mirror.

His purple hair was even more unkept than usual and he had been getting even less sleep than normal. Large, heavy black bags sat under his eyes and his violet orbs were permanently slotted so that his upper eyelashes and lower lashes were mere centimeters apart.

It was a struggle to keep them open but he knew that even if he tried to lay down and get some rest, his body wouldn't permit him too.

But what was his least favorite thing about his reflection at the moment was his black suit. He grimaced at the formal wear and fixed his jacket that was slightly wrinkled from being hung up wrong by his mother.

He didn't know why his parents were forcing him to get all dressed up, it wasn't like the person they were visiting would be able to see him anyways.

He sighed and stepped back, dropping his hands at his side. He turned so that his side was facing the mirror and examined himself all the way around. He didn't look totally terrible, but he still hated wearing suits. It was too outgoing. He didn't like putting himself out there and suits did just that. He never knew how he found himself in that mindset, but he just was.

He hated the way the pants were tight at his waist, grasped by a belt, but were loose the rest of the way down until they were hanging over a pair of shiny black dress shoes that he had never worn before. They had been pushed to the back of his closet ever since his father had picked them out for him at a thrift store. The laces weren't tied yet so they laid sprawled around his foot.

He hated how the white button up looked on his muscled upper body and how the jacket covered too much of his neck. He hated it all.

His hands balled into fists, tears rushing to the surface and blurring his vision completely. He stared angrily at the mirror. He hated everything.

He hated it.

Right at that moment all his emotions came crashing over and he had to fight to stop the tears from breaking through their confines. His chest heaved as his heart pounded painfully. It was so damn hard. So hard waking up and acting as if everything was alright, even though it wasn't.

The world had robbed him of his green haired, freckled, smiley boyfriend and now all his heart could do was long for him. It was hard getting up every morning knowing that he wouldn't be waiting for Izuku in front of the school to walk him to class. It was hard knowing he couldn't go visit him like he used to.

It was so hard to accept that nothing was the same and that Izuku was no longer around. It was hard knowing..that those smells..those sounds...those soft chuckles...were slowly slipping from his memory. Hard, knowing that he couldn't wrap his arms around him to pull him closer.

The sickening feeling in his gut persisted while he bent over. Reaching down, he grabbed the laces of his dress shoes that he hadn't gotten around to tying, and began to twirl the thin string around his fingers. He pulled them tight and stood back up straight, shaking out any creases that may have been in his black pants. The last thing he wanted to hear right now was his parents nagging him about not looking presentable enough.