What Could Have Been (vigilante deku)

16

Sorry that the last chapter was...a little... depressing 😅😅 I just wanted to remind you guys (and Eraserhead) that Izuku isn't completely stable

"My mom is my home."

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down Izuku's face. The muscles of his chin trembling like a small child. He hears his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside.
It's raw, everything, raw tears, raw emotions. He can't stop... he can't stop. Why can he not stop crying?

His walls, the walls that hold him up, make him strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fell from his chin, drenching his shirt.

Perhaps these tears will help wash away the blood on his hands that belongs to his loving mother.

As much as he tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of tears falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping.

Aizawa, not knowing what else to do, pulled Izuku into him and held him close.

He pulled the two of them back down, still holding Izuku in his arms. "Okay, okay," he mumbled into his curls. "J-Just do what you gotta do."

Aizawa was never a comforting person. He wasn't good at feelings and he rarely had to comfort a greiving boy. Hizashi's family was all still alive and was the usually the one comforting Aizawa when memories haunted him.

That made Aizawa feel even worse. He knew the pain of losing his best friend, but he could never identify with the pain and guilt that Izuku feels. He didn't kill Oboro, and even though he still thought about what he could have done differently, and maybe if he had tried harder he might've been able to help him. But he didn't 100% blame himself. Izuku did.

Izuku blamed himself for pushing his dad over the edge and ending her and his own life.

That pain was a different level of pain. One that Aizawa was incapable of soothing. All he could do was hold him and let him heal himself. No words he could say would heal him, Izuku had to forgive himself for the healing to start. And self forgiveness was also something Aizawa had no way of giving.

Izuku pulled away and crawled back towards the stone. He needed to do this. He couldn't forgive himself without her forgiveness.

Knowing his mother, she loved him so much that if she was alive, she'd smack him with a wooden spoon.

Not for killing her, but for letting it kill him as the time passed. If she was alive there was no doubt that she'd pull him into a hug and tell him that it wasn't his fault. That he did everything he could, and she understood. She'd remind him that she loved him more than anything in the world and that he deserved happiness.

Izuku found that too kind and naive. How could she want the person who took her life away to be happy?

Aizawa gave him a confused look as to why he pulled away but Izuku didn't give him an answer. He wasn't the one he needed a hug from. He longed for one of his mother's hug. Those things were powerful. He's tried but could never fully remember the warmth. He had a vague memory, but even that was fading.

Looking for the next best thing, he hugged her stone. It was cold and hard but it was all he could do. Believe it or not, this was her now.

"Im sorry" he mumbled.

"ImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorryImsorryimsorry."

He kept mumbling, his apologies mixing together. He wanted her to know how much he missed her and how much he regretted doing what he did.