just me ranting

Stupidity is rampant

     Warning!!!!! I'm in a mood and its possible that I might offend someone somehow and if I do and you let me know how and why I will decide if I owe you an apology or if I'm going to tell you to suck it up and deal with it.

    This is a subject that I know I've gone on about before but it seems like it's a never ending topic and I can't avoid it. This particular news story has been brewing in my head for two or three days now and honestly each time I think about it I get angrier. I will tell you about this particular news story at the end of this one sided conversation and I really would like your opinions on this whole topic.
     We're back to the whole racism topic and honestly I'm tired of it. I'm so sick of hearing about how racist people and things are. Yes things apparently inanimate objects as well as subjects at school are racist. The schools have added to their curriculum a lesson aimed at pointing out to white students that they have white privilege. I personally don't feel like anything I have achieved and earned was because of white privilege. When I was working I know that I was earning less than that of the black people in the same position. I won't say that its because of my skin color or because I'm female. It's because I started working for minimum wage that at the time was $5.15 an hour. I worked my way up from a starting position to being almost equal to the restaurant manager at times it felt like I had more authority than the manager did. I stayed in the fast food industry from the time I was 18 until I was 37 maybe 38 years old. I made a smaller salary because I started with a lower wage so the money I made was fine for me. When I interviewed to become an assistant manager at a different company I was offered what I felt like was alot of money with more benefits as well as the ability to be played overtime. The supervisor was shocked that I was excited about what he felt was a lower offer than my experience warranted but understood why when I explained the extremely long hours I worked and the small salary I received.
    Right now through out America racism is worse than it was ten years ago. The go to response to anything anymore is rascism. I believe that if we could quit talking about racism then there would be less of it. It's not just black people that experience racism here in America its everyone blacks,Asians,Mexicans, white people. It seems that people are starting to believe that its impossible to be racist against white people, that is completely wrong. It's worse than that because many white people have started believing they are themselves racist and that they themselves can't experience racism against them. That's a bunch of bullshit. I personally don't think that I'm racist I won't lie to you I am quick to judge other people and based off of certain qualities I will automatically dislike them and let me tell you none of those qualities was the color of someone's skin the main quality of this instant dislike was because they were breathing. I've been called a bitch numerous times but upon meeting most people I just don't like them. Over a short period of time I might slowly start to slightly like new people eventually.
    I've worked in an environment where I was constantly talked about, called names such as cracker or white bitch, and often accused of being racist. I never understood that because I was the only white person there if I was racist that would be the last place I would ever want to work. Black comedians and entertainers can talk about white people and insult them and not receive any type of backlash or criticism for it because you can't be racist against white people. There are all black colleges and tv channels but if it was all white colleges or channels then its racist.
      Personally I feel like the best way to stop racism is to stop making everything about racism. Stop announcing that the first black man or the first black woman was placed in a CEO position for the first time at so and so company. When I hear things like that it confuses me, I mean I guess it's a motivational thing so that children can grow up knowing that its possible for black people to work hard and earn the big position of power but when the news reports things like this all I see is a person got the position why do we care what color they are? Encouraging stories about the young black kid that met the old white woman and walked her home everyday because it was dangerous for her to walk alone on the snowy and ice covered streets. Many stories like that instead of thinking how sweet that young people do that I get angry because why do they need to point out skin color?? These things bother me because it doesn't surprise me a bit when a young black boy helps out older white people or black people get into higher positions for me a younger man helping older people out is what I think every young person should do it doesn't matter what color of the rainbow they are because its basic respect and common courtesy. Black people gaining positions of power is something that I thought was common anyways I mean we had a black man gain the highest position possible for any American ever when he became President so why is a black man becoming CEO of a company that big a deal as far as I'm concerned the company just got a new CEO and honestly I don't care that much.
        Instead of ignoring race to tell a story or even to show an accomplishment  if it wasn't achieved by a white person then race is brought in. Unless its a crime nope that's wrong race is still brought up unless its a white person which is ridiculous honestly. Why does it matter what color skin a person has when they accomplish something or do a good deed??? It doesn't its another way to divide us by color. I don't know if that is the reason for this happening but I do know that is the result.
     There is really one thought that I have that is racially motivated let me tell you. Its a good thought honestly. Black women have this confidence in them that amazes me. Not all black women because you know they are human beings who also have insecurities and faults like the rest of us. What I'm saying is that most black women don't show or maybe even don't let their insecurities bother them. This will sound bad but I'm not trying to insult or put anyone down I'm just trying to show an example of what I'm thinking the best way I know how. So for instance take one of the fastest ugliest and lets even throw in nastiest black woman and meeting her she's dressed an outfit that is little more than a bikini or something skin tight from top to bottom, lets say she's got the ugliest face you've ever seen(worse than Hatchet face from the movie Crybaby) and when you get close enough to meet her you realize she smells bad maybe from lack of good personal hygiene. You meet this woman for whatever reason y'all are in the same vicinity and once you get into a conversation with her you realize that either she has absolutely no idea that anyone's first impression of her is judgemental or she doesn't care at all because she's perfect it doesn't matter what anyone thinks and I dare you to tell her otherwise because she knows she's beautiful and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because she's not going to see herself any other way. I've always admired this about black women and honestly I don't know if other races have that same confidence in themselves but I know that I would never achieve a little bit of this confidence because I was basically raised where who you are doesn't matter but being skinny and pretty does. When I was a teenager I had that confidence I knew I was pretty but I wasn't skinny even though I never saw myself as fat. I remember my mom calling me fat all the time I hated being around her, I hated her most of the time. My brothers friend called me MooMoo  because apparently I was a cow. I remember one morning going to the bus stop I was walking with my sister and her friends. My sister at the time was what my mom thought a perfect daughter was she made all As in school, she was pretty and she was skinny. Which meant at the time she could be as mean to me as she wanted her and her friends could insult me and it was ok because according to my mom it was true. That morning I was in a really bad mood and I remember this clearly (amazing because I don't remember yesterday at all) Douglas, the cousin of my sisters boyfriend at the time, was this lanky skinny boy fairly tall but hasn't grown into himself, had a humpback and these giant buttery yellow teeth with braces WOW I'm irritated just thinking about him, he was that really really annoying kid who had friends because their moms made them be his friend. He never ever said anything worth hearing and was always hateful and rude. I guess he thought he was being cool or something. Walking down the street with him and my sister I was walking ahead of them and it was high school so I had this gigantic book bag with all my books which were thick and heavy. Douglas was steadily running his mouth to my sister behind me talking about me being fat and I don't know what else but it was the fat thing that got me. I guess he thought he was going to try out the new nickname he heard my brothers friend call me. This boy called out Hey MooMoo!!! (y'all remember the extremely heavy book bag?) I had already listened to all the scrap he was talking and when he called me like that I spun around and threw that bookbag full of books straight at his little pimple sized head, might have broken his glasses almost broke his face. That was it for me I grabbed my bag up and went home I was so angry I was sobbing. My mom followed me to my room yelling so I started yelling back I was already angry she was being a bitch but when I told her what was said and done she says well its your fault if you'd lose weight and weren't so fat he wouldn't of told you the truth. That started a screaming match that ended up with her slapping my face and me slapping her back. That was more of an instinct because let me tell you I wouldn't ever entertain the thought of hitting my mom and was absolutely mortified that I did. She started screaming at my dad like I had tried to kill her. He decides I should probably go visit my grandma and tell her what happened. While driving me to my grandma my dad told me how proud of me he was.
   While I was pregnant with my first daughter I stayed so sick that I lost weight most people have a baby and can't fit into their clothes because they gained weight I had to buy new clothes because I was half the size I was when I got pregnant. I felt confident with myself at that point because I never lost the confidence I had. Eventually though I screwed my life up and have gained a massive amount of weight but I am incapable of doing alot of exercise. The confidence I had is gone I refuse to look into a mirror because I only feel disgusted with myself. Even though me and my mother are currently getting along well she tells me I'm fat I agree, whenever she talks about the time between having my daughter and losing my health that time period is referred to as when Amanda was skinny and pretty. She done that shit today telling something to my brothers wife and I don't even think being skinny or pretty had anything to contribute to the story of my grandbaby getting poop all up his back in his hair and on me while I was trying to clean him up. My sister in law as soon as my mom started with when Amanda was skinny and pretty looked at me and mouthed I'm sorry because she knows how I feel. Until I lose weight my mom will keep on about me being fat. She likes to put on the shows that are about the people trying to lose weight but weigh 600 or more pounds. That way she can tell me that's my future I'm almost there blah,blah,blah.
     Anyways I would love to have the confidence of a black woman I don't know because I've never asked because I don't want this to be wrong but I think it's because these women have moms and aunts and other family members that don't give them a hard time about looks and weight they give them love and encouragement. Of course there are white women with a huge amount of confidence and its possible I'm just over thinking and its me that lacks confidence but I've always noticed how confident black women are and it amazes me.I love it and think that we all should be so lucky to have that mentality.
       Anyways I had a moment and none of that was the purpose of this chapter.

The news story I saw that has me this worked up......Taking the racism out of math.   I have never ever realized that math was a racist subject the math problems themselves are made out of numbers and when in story form the use of fruits and the occasional car or train are used yeah sometimes names are mentioned but no type of description so I was extremely confused about how could math be racist. I thought maybe they were talking about the way some of the teachers taught I had a racist math teacher once that was fun.(she was racist against me and Marty I've got a few fun stories)  Once the news anchor paused long enough for all this to go through my mind he tells the story. The Ohio school superintendent ( I think I may have the state and person wrong) has decided to remove racism from math because math is a word I can't remember and shouldn't have a correct answer. That its wrong to think that everyone will get the correct answer.  This is something brought up by someone teaching children and my fucking god the color of a persons skin does not determine their ability to learn shit !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to hear your opinions on this news story especially since I know some of y'all are in school