Lights, Camera, Action ✔~ trixya

Chapter 31: Allergic To Commitment

Katya had stopped and turned to walk away seventeen times on her way to the cafe. It was typically her. Here was a chance that someone liked her and that their meetup could even be a date, a chance with someone she genuinely really liked, and like clockwork her panic was kicking in.

She was showing symptoms of her phobia of commitment, and she wanted to kick herself in the head for it. Trixie hadn't even clarified what this was, and yet the blue-eyed woman was already ready to run. She wished there was a pill for that kinda thing, but there was no prescription for her disease. 

She knew she couldn't let herself play into it.

She couldn't fuck things up with Trixie before they'd had even started. 

But her mind was telling her that it would fall apart eventually. That she would end up broken like her mom, and that Trixie would turn into the monster that her dad had been.
It wasn't fair to the girl, in any way, and yet Katya couldn't stop her brain from going into overdrive. She had no real model of love ever working out, and she was terrified of having become so attached to Trixie in case the girl would hurt her. 

How would she recover if Trixie broke her heart?

How would she heal if Trixie turned out to be everything she had always feared?

If she walked away now, she'd save her heart from shattering. It would have large cracks, but it would still be in one piece. That was what she had sworn to herself that she would do; run before she got hurt. She'd blamed her mom for the fact that the woman didn't do that. Argued with her over and over, yelled at her for not getting out, but now she was falling down the very same rabbit hole. 

But Trixie wasn't like her dad, and she needed to remember that. 

Then again, her dad hadn't been like that at first either. 

He was dedicated and sweet, endlessly loving, but then suddenly the masquerade had begun. Soon their entire world was all smoke and mirrors, and no one knew what to believe or who was the master behind the tricks.

Katya couldn't handle it if she had to watch that happen to the one she loved, and she could only hope that if she gave her heart to Trixie, the girl would watch over it carefully. There was no guarantee for what would happen if she gave her all to the doll. It was a poker game and Trixie had the upperhand.

What would happen if Katya needed her?

Would she find an excuse to never be true?

Would the doll fight for her or walk away?

All those questions remained unanswered, but Katya knew that she needed to push through her anxiety. If she didn't then they'd have no chance at all. So with brave steps she walked up to the cafe door, pulling it open. 

There Trixie sat waiting, her phone in her hand, clearly ready to contact Katya who was a full twenty minutes late.

The brown-eyed doll looked perfect, Katya thought. So pretty that it almost hurt to look at her. 

Katya walked over and sat down across from the girl, saying a soft hi as the doll put her phone down.

"I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show up." Trixie said.

"Sorry, I had to deal with a fucking idiot, but it's all good now."