I Always Drift Back To You

Chapter 6: Part 2

He notices. He notices as Eleanor and Fabiola glare at him from their locker as he walks on past. And they already knew something... how much they did know, he couldnt be sure... but, either way, it really does make him wonder, from just the intensity of their glare, how much it were that Devi must really hate him just about now. He winces, as he feels his heart pierce in pain as he ponders on it. And, god, he wishes he could just go back and rewind things... He inhales a breath and keeps walking past. This is hard... It is killing him... god, his still just trying to let go of the fact she doesn't want to go with him... it's most of what his mind wants to consume him with...He ruffles his hair, feeling agitated. His had very little sleep... and what's worse is, his still so damn frustrated... his still trying to drown out any false hope she would still want to go with him to Harvard. And... (he groans as he thinks)... he had just told her he loved her... he had done that and only to break her like he had! He feels as though his going to be sick. He feels his stomach twist... he needs to make it to class so he could possibly focus on something else. Remember Ben, he paces himself, you need to concentrate so you can still make it into Harvard... focus on getting those perfect scores. Perfect scores... perfect scores that also Devi needs... god, he let's his mind drift again... and now, his mind brings him back and tortures him more with thoughts of how he had done that to her... hurt her as he had... What's more is that he knows what she will say... that if he really does love her... he wouldnt be so damn selfish...
"Shit." He breaths, letting the word escape his mind as he turns a bend, sharply and almost collides into a group of other teens hanging around in the corridors. He really just wants to disappear right about now as he lets his mind swim in thoughts of letting things go... letting things just be... letting her decision be the way things must go... letting her win... He needs to drown out his stubborn mind.
And it had only been less then a day since they had argued and come to terms that they would both be going to different campuses... when he then suddenly remembers... He had class with her next...
He lets a swear word linger at the end of his tongue, but doesn't let it out, biting down on his tongue instead, in frustration. How the hell would he survive the next fifty minutes in the same room with her and risk her having look at him with those hurt and tortured eyes that tell him she hates him ... he... literally.. does not know. It's making his stomach want to turn. He feels his hands sweat as he nears the door... and he doesn't even know how he will even look up... he doesnt even know how he'll even meet her gaze... and he fears to see her eyes watch him full of regret... from what she had just told him... because maybe she does ...she does not... love him anymore... as she had stunned him with those words just yesterday. Those words that melted him apart, and made his heart explode in his chest. But those words now... they make him ache... his heart races as he enters the room... his eyes gently scanning the room to see if he could see her. As he begins to wonder to the back, he begins to feel she is not there... and so, some of the heightened tension begins to fade away, somewhat. He wont let his mind ponder on thoughts of where she could be right now... at least, not right away... the feel of his stomach consuming him even more... so after his taken a seat, he slides his head down gently onto the table to try and eleviate some of the burning in his stomach. As he hears the teacher begin the class, he brings his head up a fraction to look at her, when he notices Devi walk in late and take a seat up the front, not even once glancing his way. The whole class goes by like a blur... propping up his cheek on his fist as he gazes at her most of the class, having barely taken in any of what the lesson had been about. Had she sat there on purpose, he wonders... so his mind couldnt escape her? Because where she sits... he can't stop but let his eyes wonder to her... and how her hair flawlessly waves as she shifts in her chair... the way she bobs her head down as she writes... the way she twirls a pencil on her fingers, the motion so hypnotic... the way she crosses her legs and rubs a hand over her knee as she's concentrating on what is happening up the front... god, his in love with her. He brings his eyes back down and tries to concentrate on his work... but his mind is too clouded... and so he slides a hand over his face, dragging it half way down in frustration. And, yep, his got no choice... his going to surrender in thoughts of her... Ofcourse she hadnt sat there on purpose, he reminds himself... she could of sat anywhere in the class and she would have still been his focus. He wants to groan... because today already seems futile. And then the class ends... and he lets his gaze meet her as she puts her things away into her bag and straps her bag over her shoulder. His hesitating at the thought of walking over. But, damn, he wants too...even if his finding it hard to even move... And when she glimpses his way... his heart races... and he freezes, then looks away, distracting himself with something else, beginning to shove things into his bag. His not ready... hell, his not ready. Not ready at all for all this. He'll just say something dumb... he'll make things worse... By the time he looks up, she's gone. He groans... is he just going to let her drift away... they would be going to different colleges soon and he cant even bring himself to approach her... His mind will torture him more... he thinks he'll only become just a blur in her life when... She may realise she doesn't need him anymore... when their lifes soon become separated by distance for years over time... when she goes to one college and he goes to the other. Not to be with her... having her close... like he had dreamed of... sharing a dorm room... and waking with her. He can't imagine... how would they survive not being close as they had gotten use too? He wasnt going to be there to share her and her experiences... Their lives would be split and he believes she would just forget him...

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Guys, I'm not 100% happy with this one but please let me know if I could have changed anything. I wrote this one a bit under pressure so you can tell me if there is anything not good here. Thanks Thanks! Big big hugs and hope you guys are all well!