Imaginary Boyfriend

Chapter 35

I am SO sorry that it's been so long! I'll explain at the end. 

__________

Chapter 35

I missed him so much.

I missed the heat of his body when he would wrap his arms around me and the way I would feel so safe and loved. I missed his wild array of dark curls that I would ruffle teasingly but secretly, doing it because it felt so silky between my fingers. I missed his minty breath and his intoxicating cologne. Hell, I even missed his stupid Doctor Who pyjamas.

Sam.

His name brought tears to my eyes. After hours of crying, you'd think I had no tears left to shed.

Wrong. 

I buried my face in his pillow, overwhelmed by his scent that still lingered within the soft material. It sent me into a state of complete bliss, because, if I just closed my eyes, it felt like he was right here.

It felt like hours before I heard the familiar ding-ding of my phone as it vibrated with a new message. Groaning loudly, I pushed myself up into a sitting position and checked it.

My heart sank. Rhys. 

I didn't even open the message. It was bound to be some stupid lovey-dovey crap. Recently he'd taken to sending me poems declaring his love. It should have been sweet, but every time I read them I wanted to gag.

How could I have been so stupid?! Why the hell did I ever consider choosing this obsessive moron over Sam? 

A sudden swirl of anger rose through me, making my blood boil. I was an idiot. I was a stupid bloody idiot. 

"Argh!" I snarled, fists clenching. The urge to cry had long gone by now. I was so angry at myself. I gripped my hair and frantically yanked at the roots. 

I couldn't be in this room. Letting out a growl, I stormed out of the room and towards the kitchen. My life was a mess. Maybe I was being pathetic, I don't know, but right at that moment, I wanted to just fall into a hole and stay there forever. It had to be better than what I was doing right now.

I hadn't realised how important he was to me until he was gone. He was basically my whole life. I love him. I love him so much it hurts.

It wasn't even like I had anyone to comfort me. There was only one person who could've made me feel better, who could've turned up with a large tub on Ben and Jerry's icecream and watch all seasons of Friends with me.

But no, that bitch was with him right now.

Oh God, what if they were having sex right now?

My rage exploded. Something glinted in the corner of my eye and I whipped my head around. A knife. In my state of mind, I probably would have killed myself. I really was on the brink of insanity. All it would take is just one tiny little push...

Stop it, Katrina! My inner voice scolded. You're stronger than this. He's not worth it. They're not worth it. 

Slowly, my ragged breathing was under control again. I really was going mad. I had to do something.

My mind flickered back to Rhys' text but I quickly ruled him out. There was no way I was going to meet with him again. Next chance I got, I was finishing it with him. For good, this time.

None of this let's-stay-friends business, because look where that got me!

A large knocking pulled me out of my thoughts. At lightening speed, I was at the door and wrenching it open.

Please be Sam, please be S--

"Baby, I've missed you."

Speak of the devil.

"Listen, Rhys. I--"

"You haven't been returning my calls." He gave me the puppy-dog eyes. "Have I done something to upset you?"

I shook my head vigorously. "No, no. It's not that. I just... I'm really tired."

Corcern etched across his features. "Kat, you look awful. Have you been crying?"

"No," I lied swiftly. "I told you. I'm just tired."

"Okay," he said slowly, taking a step closer to me. "Well, maybe we could hang out--"

"I said I'm tired."

"I miss you."

I held up a hand, cutting him off. "Can you not take the hint?" I hissed, backing up a step to counter him. Just seeing his stupid face was ticking me off. "I'm tired and I don't want to be disturbed. You know where the door is."

"W-what?"

Guilt coursed through me. His lips were slightly parted and his eyebrows furrowed together, looking truly heartbroken. I sighed heavily. Here I was, having two men who loved me so much, and I managed to screw it up with the one I wanted, and was hurting the other. I was horrible.

I cleared my throat. "Rhys, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this."

Rhys' eyes watered. "No..." He knew exactly where this was going.

I hung my head low because I just couldn't look at him and face the damage that I had done. 

"No." He took a step back. "No."

I bit my lip, feeling tears of my own threatening to spill. “I never meant to hurt you… I care for you, I do.” I met his gaze. “I am so sorry. I can’t do this. I can’t be with you when my heart belongs to somebody else.”

Anger flashed in his eyes. “That’s why you did it, isn’t it? To get revenge on Sam!” He clapped his hands and let out a bark of laughter that held no humour whatsoever. “Wow, Katrina. I didn’t know you could be so petty.”

Although every word pierced me, I knew they were true.

“Rhys, I’m sorry—”

“I loved you!” he croaked. “I still love you, and you led me on. You let me think I had a chance with you!”

My chest constricted and I could feel a sob erupting. I wanted to cry at his words, because I had treated him like crap yet he still loved me. But I held myself together because, with his soft heart, he would feel guilty and I didn’t want him to—I deserved this.

He buried his head in his hands. “I haven’t felt like this since my wife…”

“I love him.”

When he lifted his head, he looked at me and I just knew he hated me. His jaw was clenched, almost as if he was about to explode. I swallowed, waiting for him to slap me. If the roles were reversed, I would do the same.

Instead, he walked out of the apartment without another word and slammed the door so hard behind him that it shuddered in its frame.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I plopped down onto the couch, feeling weak. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even hear the front door swing open again and someone step inside. So, when I heard their voice, I almost jumped out of my skin.

“I heard shouting.”

My eyes snapped open. A petite body stood in front of me with blonde hair and a shocked expression.

Sarah.

 _________________________________________________

I really am sorry. I kept wanting to upload but I had serious writer's block with this story. I still do, as you can tell with this choppy, weird chapter. I didn't think the story through when I first started (bad idea) so it became harder and harder to keep writing. I've thought about it and I know what I'm doing, so I PROMISE I will begin uploading regularly :) thank you to those of you who have stuck with this story even though it's so bad and again, I'm sorry that I stopped updating :(