18 - h.s

four

Potential trigger warning for this chapter for anxiety.

Please be careful and stay safe! <33

Sophia Elliott

"Fuck! I hate this!" I slammed my notebook on the table in front of me, raising my voice, something I never usually do, I've probably only raised my voice a handful of times, I just wasn't a yeller. The sudden movement and mixture of the volume of my voice and the notebook hitting the wood made Aria jump, as her hand flew to her chest, and her arm extending and hitting me on the arm.

"What the fuck?" It was clear I startled her, her looking at me with wide eyes, irritated that I distracted her from studying as she placed her pen down on the table and looked at me. She then began to notice my stressed expression. "Woah, woah, woah, are you okay?" She looked at me with concern that I lost my temper, considering it was something out of the completely ordinary and out of character for me.

Her hand covered mine in an attempt to comfort me but I snapped up from my seat and quickly paced to the other side of the room, my hands flinging behind my head, walking over to the sink and leaning my body over it. 

"Soph, what's wrong?" she asked, her tone laced with concern. I heard the sound of the chair being pushed back against the tiles and heard her footsteps carry her closer to where i was stood, my eyes screwing shut in response. I knew I was becoming overwhelmed but I just wasn't sure what to do or what was wrong and I prayed to God she didn't ask me again. "Soph," she warned as I braced myself for the question again. "What's wrong? What's going on? You can talk to me." 

Fuck.

She placed her warm hand on my back as I let out a loud sigh and opened my eyes, turning my body back to face her. Her brown eyes trailed over my face, trying to read my emotions, something she was normally very good at. She knew something was wrong but I just wasn't sure what to even tell her. Where the fuck would I even start?

"I don't know." I answered honestly, my voice carrying a harsher tone that I had intended, making me immediately apologise when she flinched back and removed her hand from my back. "I honestly don't know. I'm just really overwhelmed right now." I sighed, my eyes slamming shut and I placed one hand back on the sink, holding my weight up with my left arm. I rubbed my eyes hard with my free hand, "I'm probably just tired."

"I'm guessing this goes a little deeper than our exam tomorrow?" She asked, treading carefully with her tone, sensing I was a little more fragile than usual right now. "If you need someone to talk to, Soph, I'm here for you. You know that. Talk to me. Please." She began to sound almost desperate now, not helping my headspace right now, I just felt more and more pathetic with each word that left her mouth. 

With my lack of response, I felt her move away from me and back to the table, hearing the shuffling of papers and the unzipping of her backpack. At the loss of warmth and knowing she was next to me created a feeling of both relief but also disappointment and made me feel unsafe without her presence next to me. She shoved her notes into her bag and zipped it back up. 

"Do you want me to leave? I won't be offended, I know you're not yourself right now, I just want to help you, if you want to be alone, i'll let you be." She placed her back on the table as I snapped my eyes open to see her stood next to the dining table with her hands stuffed in her pockets, resembling the look of a small child being yelled at by their parents. "I don't wanna be here and end up making you feel worse, the last thing I wanna do is suffocate you." The volume of her voice trailed quieter as she played with her necklace, swinging the pendant back and forth on the thin gold chain.