I Remember Us ~ ashton irwin

~v~

2nd March, 2014

"Adria, babe, please open the door." Ashton whispered leaning against the door.

"Go away."I mumbled hugging my knees to my chest. I had locked myself in the bathroom a little over an hour ago and Ashton was trying to get me out.

Today was one of those days that I just felt like absolute shit. Before I met Ashton it used to happen a lot but since we moved in together, it was less frequent and for a while I actually thought I was gonna be fine because well... he made me happy.

"I love you, open the door." Ashton said and I knew he was probably sitting on the floor leaning against the door as he pleaded with me to get out.

"No, you don't. You're just saying that." I said as a few tears slid down my cheek. I don't know why I was acting like thing. My emotions were all over the place and I wanted to blame it on the fact that my period was supposed to come a few days ago and it hadn't. I was never late and this morning, just after Ashton and I had sex he brought up the fact that I hadn't had my period for the month as yet.

"Look, babe... if we you're pregnant we'll be just fine. We'll get through it together; just like we always have with everything else. Just think about it? We could be parents and we could have a cute little family."

The surprising thing was that he picked up on it and not me. That led into an argument because Ashton started getting excited at the thought of us having a baby together. He was the typical family man; he was into the whole marriage and having like triplets we could dress up at cowboys and all of that. Me; not so much. It wasn't that I didn't to marry Ashton... or have kids for that matter. It was just I didn't want those things now. I was barely twenty-five. I was not ready to settle down into a boring routine called parenthood.

It was a horrible idea to say that to Ashton because he took off and we had a huge fight about being in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. He was saying that we both wanted different things and I was trying to tell him that it wasn't true but being as stubborn as he was, he wouldn't listen to me. So I got pissed and told him if he hated being in a relationship so much that didn't seem to be going anywhere he should just leave.

He stormed out and I started crying because I thought he had actually left. Then it hit me because even though I was not ready to tie the knot with Ashton; I wasn't ready for him to leave. I realized that I needed him in my life; no matter how much he drove me crazy. I loved him and that was that.

He came back with like five pregnancy tests and he just handed them to me and told me to go check them. That's where I was for the past hour. All five tests were on the sink but I hadn't checked any of them yet because I was scared. I really was not ready to be pregnant and I really didn't want to let Ashton down because he seemed like he really wanted a baby. So yeah, I was torn.

"What does the test say?" I heard Ashton ask and I shrugged, forgetting for a moment that there was a door separating us and he could not see me.

"Adria?"

"Yes?" I answered wiping my nose with the sleeve of Ashton's sweater.

"What do the tests say? Are they positive?" His voice was hopeful and I hated myself for wishing they were all negative. I couldn't explain it; I just wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared to have a baby as yet.

"I don't know." I mumbled loud enough for him to hear.

"You didn't check?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm scared."

"Just..." The door knob jiggled a bit as Ashton tried to open the door. "Open the door, baby. Let me in, please?"

I wiped my eyes and got to my feet. I unlocked the door and went over to sit in the bathtub as Ashton made his way over to the sink. I hugged my legs to my chest and put my head on my knees. I didn't want to see the look on his face as he looked at the results. Something told me that I would be in tears no matter what the tests said.

After what felt like an eternity I felt Ashton's feet touch mine as he came to sit in the tub with me. He sort of just sat there for a few minutes before he finally spoke.

"Aren't you gonna ask me what the results are?" He asked rubbing his toes against mine. I flinched a bit because his toes were oddly cold.

"I'm scared." I said sniffing again. I blinked a few times as my eyes stung from the tears that were threatening to fall. "I'll just wait a couple of months and see what happens." I said making Ashton chuckle.

"Well..." Ashton said slowly and I held my breath because I knew he was about to tell me what my faith was. "Nothing is going to happen in a few months because you're not pregnant."

I started crying even before he was finished with his statement. I hugged my knees to my chest and cried harder.

"Why are you crying?" Ashton asked as he tried to get closer to me but that was kind of impossible because we were in a small tub. I shook my head and damn near tripped trying to get out.

"I'm sorry, Ashton." I said tugging on my hair and pacing the bathroom. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey, hey, hey." Ashton said getting out of the tub and standing in front of me. He placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me from moving. "Why are you sorry? I thought you didn't feel as if you were ready for this. It all works out, babe. You're not pregnant."

"But you wanted a baby and I messed it up. I'm sorry."

"Please, don't cry Adria. This isn't your fault and you were right. We're not ready for a baby. Hell, I'm still a kid but I promise when the time is right and we do get pregnant, we are gonna love the shit out of that kid, okay?" He asked as he wiped a few tears from my cheeks which were just replaced by more.

"You don't need to blame yourself for this. Besides, I'm really not ready to share you with anyone just yet. We're gonna be okay. Please stop crying. I hate it when you cry."

"I can't stop crying."

"Well I hate it."

"Why?" I said and Ashton shrugged and cupped my face, catching a few of my tears with his thumb.

"I don't know. I just... I never thought that seeing you cry would put a crack in my soul and make me feel so broken. That, that is how I know I'm in love with you."

And that was how I knew I loved him.

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