Save Me

Chapter 62

His silhouette is leaned in the wall as his head is tilted in the side. His hands are hidden in the pockets of his black jeans. His black jacket contracts with his white t-shit. Tousled blonde hair is gleaming in the room; making him look so attractive. His sharp jaw is clenched and the irritation is almost palpable. A small scowl has formed troubling his eyebrows as his features are crossed by annoyance.

He is watching Jacob talking to the phone who paces back and forth. After a few seconds, Jacob hangs up the phone before he turns to him.

"They are not done yet," Jacob states causing Corbyn to roll his eyes.

"What the fuck is taking them so long?"

"I don't know. I guess they'll be done by tomorrow." Corbyn passes his hand through his hair while his eyes scan rapidly the room. His eyes land on me.

The frown disappears completely and he seems to relax as if knowing I'm here calms him instantly. his whole body loosens up.

"Where were you today?" His voice is softer without traces of irony or insult in them. Jacob glances at me and sensing the tension by the way we are looking at each other, he speaks.

"I'll go," He announces and leaves going upstairs. We keep staring silently until his room's door closes.

"I asked you a question." I walk past him but he grips my hand; halting me. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," I murmur.

"Doesn't look like it," I look at him seeing his blue eyes searching mine; studying me.

"What do you want Corbyn?" I ask tiredly. I'm so tired of this rollercoaster of fears, insecurities, and those moments of happiness he spears me. I need my peace back.

"I thought..." He starts but his voice trails off. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

I stay mute not offering him an answer as he stares at me waiting.

"Can't we talk?"

"I don't think that is a good idea,"

"Please," He mutters, and taking my hand in his, he leads me outside; shutting the door behind him.

The weather is chilly. I feel the air move my hair lightly; caressing my skin. The darkness of the night has dominated the atmosphere while the little angels up in the sky shine brightly. His hair matches their brightness and I can't help the times when I called him my angel.

I sit in the first stair of the small staircase that leads to the garden. He takes his jacket off before he runs both of his hands through his messy hair. His muscles are tensed as he walks before me. Silence fills the little space between us. I stay quiet watching him move. I admire the way he walks with such ease and grace as if he's flying instead of walking on the earth. Like the angel; his movement is light without any gravity.

Suddenly he stops in front of me looking directly at me. His blue crystal eyes in my green ones. His eyes are sparkling under the light of the stars; they are fuzzy by the chaos of feeling and thoughts, glassy full of vulnerability.

"I have talked to you. I have opened my heart to you about how I feel and how much I need you and you keep walking away." His voice is painted by pain and I realize that I haven't actually heard this sensibility in his gentle voice. "Do you think it was easy and painless to split my heart open and let the ugliness out of my chest?" He inhales shaking his head.

"I don't know anymore. It's like we're making progress then we don't. We take one step ahead then you go running back ten steps behind. I don't know...I don't know how you feel. I don't know if you hate me, if you still have some feelings for me, if you think about giving us another chance or if you want nothing to do with me,"

"It's not..." I try to speak but he stops me.

"It's true. You send me so many mixed-up signals. I almost kissed you and we slept together at that party and the next minute you left and avoided me. Yesterday, you proposed to sleep with me, we kissed and today you disappeared and I didn't know where the fuck you were. I don't know how you are feeling about me, about us. I have confessed to you almost everything and you haven't,"

Only at this moment, I realize the truth behind his words. He has told me how he feels about us though I haven't said anything. I kissed him yesterday night but I haven't done anything else to show him what my sentiments are.

"Talk to me," He begs with need clear in his soft voice. I hide my head in my hands as if I want to hide from him, from the word; even from myself. I crave to get away, out of this mess; where everything is simple like it used to be.

"I don't know how I feel." I begin pouring my heart out to the boy I believed was my angel. "I was...no, I'm in love with you. I was so happy when we were together. You made all the bad vanish from my life. The pain, the emptiness I was feeling after the loss of my parents, the nightmares, everything. You were the reason I found my voice, my smile, and my old self again. All was pretty clear. If you had had asked me then, I would have told you that I couldn't live without you. I couldn't." He looks at me without saying anything giving direct access to his eyes to know the feeling that fills his heart.

"However, I was nothing but the girl you needed for your play..."

"You weren't..."

"Let me finish," I interrupt him as he did to me.

"When you saved me, I put my whole trust in you. I trusted you about anything without having doubts. But the night we fought and you admitted the truth, everything fell into pieces. I was so angry at you for doing this to me. You destroyed everything we had, all our moments and memories were based on a lie. You had told me you loved me when I saw you with her. You knew after that we would be done, but you shouted that you loved me," I whisper as I feel tears blur my vision and weakening my voice.

"You only told me this so you wouldn't lose in court. All your promises about loving me, protecting me, all the things you whispered to me in the night when I was in your arms, every little thing that melted my heart and made me fall madly in love with you was nothing. I felt so used. After days, I was feeling numb only the pain was clear. I was hurting and I didn't have the power to try to survive this time. When I lost them, it took everything in me not to fall apart and I did it. It was a miracle and you were the reason I didn't lose my mind. But this time..." I wipe the tears away looking at my hands.

"You broke me," I whisper and glance up to see his blue eyes. They are watching mine with grief, pain, and sorrow. He closes his eyes as if he can't bear to looks at me like this when he knows he is the reason behind it. His fingers tug his hair painfully as if he's punishing himself.

"I lost everything I thought I had that night. The reason I was living for became throughout one night the reason I couldn't breathe; the reason I wished I could die. I didn't want to see you, hear from you. I didn't want anything that could in any way remind me what we had and now was completely gone. I spent nights and nights analyzing our memories and it shattered my soul when I realized that all the hugs, the kisses, the looks, the nights we have shared were a play. It meant nothing to you and I was left alone wishing it would. I had hoped I could hate you so the pain wouldn't rip me to shreds, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to hate you even after all you caused me. I felt so used by you. It hurt that out of all the people you were the one I chose, and the one that turned out was using me. I guess it had to be you even I wished so many times that it wouldn't." I stop feeling my throat closing up as the tears keep running. Stillness and quietness stretch between us before I speak again.

"About that party, I almost consider forgiving you. I saw the text though and when you started shouting about Jace, I knew I couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't be left broken again. You were so furious at the possibility that it made me angry. You had caused me such misery and there you were screaming about something that would never happen if it wasn't for your plan. You wanted me to be yours when you were never mine,"