trouble

25

jayden
i've been smoking a lot recently. weed honestly helps me escape from my reality and forget for a bit.

my friends have been telling me to lay back on it because it's becoming 'excessive.'

i come to school high, smoke in school, do stupid shit. im just high all the time now... never sober.

do i care?

no, i really don't. i feel good it makes me feel so that's what matters i guess. i've also been fucking weird with billie.

she realized and told me that 'i don't care' about her as much as i used too, and she's right. she also started getting mad at me whenever i smoke because again it's 'excessive' and killing my body.

it's the weekend and billie wanted to hang out. i agreed and said i'll come over to her place, but the thing is... i kinda forgot.

i don't really feel bad that i did.

"are you still coming over?" billie asked me once i answered my phone.

"yeah i guess" i told her while exhaling the smoke out.

"see you in a bit then" she said quietly. "i love you"

"love you too" i mumbled, hanging up on her right as i finished my sentence.

i set my phone down and rubbed my face.

i'm too fucking high

i went downstairs and walked out to my car. my parents are at work again so i'm back to being alone all the fucking time.

i got used to them being around for that week. it was nice... i just have to deal with the loneliness again.

i drove to billies place and parked in her driveway. i wanna take a fat ass nap right now but i know she's gonna say some shit to me about being high.

i knocked on her front door and waited for her to open it.

"hi baby" billie smiled and let me in.

"hey" i said with a small smile.

we walked to her room and laid down on her bed. i still wanna take that nap. what if i just close my eyes? she won't say anything?

i adjusted myself next to her, placing my head near her shoulder. she got closer so our bodies were touching.

"look at me" billie told me softly.

i opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"you're high aren't you?" she said with a dead tone.

"yeah" i shrugged, nuzzling my face into her neck. i could really care less on what she thinks or says right now.

all i want to do is take a damn nap!

"why are you smoking so much baby?" she asked me quietly.

i shrugged in response.

"is it because of me?" she questioned.

i stayed silent, hoping she'll stop talking.

"did i do something?"

dumb fucking question

"i don't wanna talk right now" i sighed. "i'm gonna sleep"

i heard billie sigh too, wrapping her arms around me. i'm pretty sure she's noticed how 'distant' i am now. i used to be so clingy with her but now i'm not. i don't even do anything with her now.