trouble

31

billie
"what's something we used to do in the beginning of our relationship that you miss the most?" jay asked while looking deep into my eyes.

we were outside in her backyard smoking a blunt. we randomly started asking each other questions so here we are.

i pulled her legs on top of my thighs and let out a small sigh. "um... ditching school and taking you out to eat" i smiled at her.

jay looked at me with her hooded red eyes and jutted her lip out. "why did you... or we actually, why did we stop?" she asked while leaning her head onto my shoulder.

"because we fight a lot" i mumbled as i exhaled the smoke out. "i just didn't think about it anymore... uh... after everything i've done to you, why are you still with me?"

jay let out a small chuckle while she grabbed my hand. "love is fucking weird bil, and in this case... i love you too much to leave"

i just stared off into the distance as she spoke.

"but i've done you so bad" i said faintly. "why do you let me step all over you?"

shit now i'm high and sad... maybe a little irritated too for some reason

"i dunno" jay shrugged while her thumb stroked the back of my hand. "i'm just a person who wants to see the best of people. i want to see the best of you. i know you're the sweetest thing and you can be"

"we break each other's hearts and call it love" i told her as i chuckled softly. "you really think that's love? i do some hurtful shit... then you do some hurtful shit too and we're still here... really, it's a never ending cycle between us"

"are you implying something?" jayden took her head of my shoulder and looked at me.

"what- no!" i made a face. "what fucking makes you think that?"

"you made it seem like you wanted to break up" jay told me quietly.

"how" i looked at her with my bitch face.

"well you're over here telling me 'you think that's love' and then you say the end like you want to break up" she shook her head. "you just made it seem like you wanted to break up..."

"brooo" i groaned. "how the fuck do i make it 'seem' like i wanna break up?"

"never mind billie" jay sighed. "i don't wanna fight right now"

"we're not fighting" i told her. "i'm just asking a question"

"you're being dramatic about it" she scoffed. "let's just leave it"

"no" i said. "i wanna know how i made it seem like i wanted to break up"

"i'm not gonna do this right now baby" jay said as she got up. "i don't wanna fight, i want to enjoy my high"

"am i not making it enjoyable?" i asked her while i watched her walk away. "jayden!"

i got up from the couch and followed her inside. "can you answer my question?" i asked her with an irritated tone. "hello?"

"billie" she turned around quickly and pinched her fingers together as she held her hands up. "i don't wanna fight with you. do you not understand that? just leave me alone"

"what the fuck did i do?" i scoffed and chuckled bitterly. "why are you mad?"

"oh my fucking god" she muttered under her breath. "billie please leave me alone. i don't wanna fight right now and i don't want to be upset at you"

"but what did i do?" i raised my brows at her. "you're upset aren't you?"

"you're making me upset" jay huffed. "leave me alone! you're being annoying!"

"fucking bitch" i mumbled before turning around to walk away from her.

"excuse me?" jayden grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. "who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"

pls tell me why i'm lowkey scared but kinda turned on...

"you don't disrespect me like that" she shoved her finger in the middle of my chest which kinda hurt. "i let you get away with that shit the first time but now i'm not"

"i didn't mean it" i said quietly.

"shut the fuck up" jay scoffed. "i'm tired of your shit billie! i'm tired! every moment with you ends up turning into a shitty one, i'm fucking tired of you"

ouch

"you aren't breaking up with me are you?" i whispered while looking at her.

"i'm thinking of it" jay sent me a look and walked away from me.

i watched her go upstairs from where i was and heard a door shut.

she's not breaking up with me is she?

did she break up with me? no right?

i went up the stairs and to her room. i knocked on her door and opened it. jayden was laying on her bed with lucky next to her side.

she was facing away from me though so she didn't turn around when i opened the door. i walked slowly over to her and crawled in.

"don't fucking touch me" she mumbled as i got closer to her.

i ignored jayden and laid myself next to her. i ended up wrapping my arms around her and pulled her closer to me.

i'm surprised she didn't try to get away from me and not let me touch her.

jayden turned around and laid her head on my chest.

"i'm sorry" i told her quietly. "are you gonna break up with me?"

"i cant even if i really wanted too" jayden mumbled against my chest while draping her arm on my stomach.

i didn't say anything, i just squeezed her tighter while i rubbed her back.

"i love you" i whispered and kissed the top of her head. "i love you a lot jay... i'm sorry"

"you're a hard person to love billie" jayden said faintly while holding on to me tight.