Until November

Chapter 25

Ben

"That's how it's going to be?" I say to Noelle in the kitchen. She's in her bouncy chair staring through my soul. Crouching in front of her, my hand tugs gently at her foot. She kicks her leg long, stretching the onesie. A stream of spit up drools down her mouth. Her lips reflex like a smile but not quite.

She makes a noise.

Something happens that I didn't see coming.

I baby talk.

"Do you need another diaper already?"

Her nose wrinkles and she awkwardly moves her head like a newborn goose.

"Don't tell the competition I just spoke like that."

Taking her upstairs to the nursery, I choose a different onesie. "Sleeping Beauty across the hall keeps dressing you in baby animal prints." I scoff and select the one I bought for her. The design is mini golf clubs. "Golf clubs send a different message." I zip up her outfit. "Those animal prints are like you're trying too hard." She wiggles her body, doing fast, tight kicks and my hand securing her against my chest, the feel of her warmth like nothing else and I find reasons to hold her near. She's perfect. "For the record, I changed your diaper ten seconds faster than the time before." Eyeing up Jocelyn's room on the way out. Her door is closed. Not a sound from the other side. "FYI, Noelle," I say quietly. "I'm a big fan of this new sleeping arrangement. Do you think she is too?"

Between Noelle's one a.m. feedings and then me needing Jocelyn, I doubt I will ever sleep through the night again. We woke up again last night. Our bodies blended together in the early hours. The room shrouded in inky morning light. Jocelyn's thighs are her tipping point, even the slightest brush and she arches her body into me. Her body aching for where I want my hand to go, for my mouth to go, for my cock to be. Her panties are damp every time my fingers brush over her center, dying to finger her clit, to feels the wet seam of her.

The house is becoming familiar as my home. Every creak I know to avoid in the stairwell. Noelle is snug against my chest, my hand splayed over her whole back and keeping her close. "We're going to try this again." I nestle her into the bouncy chair. She likes to sit and watch as I make coffee and we stare at each other until she wins.

I get my coffee and check my messages. My gaze holding onto a series from Linda that stirs immediate discomfort.

Where is my granddaughter?

I want to see her.

Why are you keeping her from us?

Still, there hasn't been any legal threats as Rich had suggested. The first couple of weeks I was crashing on Jocelyn's couch. Then I got kicked out. Now things are calming down. It didn't make sense for Linda and John to be here reaching to hold Noelle while Jocelyn and I shot eye daggers at one another.

Linda is getting photos so she can see Noelle is happy and safe. She shouldn't have reached out to Jocelyn and put her in that position, but this is new territory for me. Linda is Hannah's mother. She will see Noelle, but if she knows Jocelyn is going to raise Noelle, she will ask questions I am not prepared to answer. I am going home to California. Without Noelle. Since Jocelyn is not a blood relative, I have this awful feeling that Linda will fight that plan. Everything about that has my teeth grinding with unshakable feeling. It's fierce and protective--something I didn't know was there, but now attaches itself to me when I think of Noelle and Jocelyn and anyone making their life here difficult when I leave. 

For now, I hold off on texting Linda until I know what the right move is. She was supposed to go through Hannah's belongings and take what she wanted, but when I lower my gaze to Noelle, I have this nagging feeling it's not all she's going to want to take.