Until November

Chapter 21

Jocelyn 

"I'm sorry, were they having a sale on the crazy punch?" Leona says the moment I tell her Ben is coming back. She shakes her head full of curly brown hair while folding Noelle's sweet onesies. She places them right next to the stack of swaddling blankets and a pair of Ben's thin plaid pajama pants he left behind. I wish someone would swaddle me and tuck me in tightly into a warm cocoon. "Or maybe the hormones? You keep saying you don't have the baby blues, but I've caught you crying twice today are you okay?" 

I don't actually know. A tear escapes and I suck back a firm breath. "I'm overwhelmed," I admit.

Leona eyes me up again. "The Jocelyn Madson I know wouldn't let him come back."

"My dad was drunk at the golf course. Ben helped me get him home." That statement has so much history and context that Leona's stark judgment and friend-to-the-rescue heart changes completely. That had been his golden ticket back.

"Oh." She pauses folding the clothes, our eyes meeting. The familiar support waiting for me. "Got it."

I take a seat next to her, picking up a pair of Noelle's soft baby jeans and fold. When I texted my father to check on him, he didn't mention the golf course or how he got home. There was no mention of Ben and if I ask, he might remember. If he remembers then he'll tell someone and our privacy will continue to be a chain reaction of gossip now that the break-in has gone Redford viral. "Ben says he's willing to do whatever it takes."

Leona offers a loaded glance. "But why? Why the change of heart? Joss, he should get a nanny and let you move on. I don't understand why you're doing this."

I come so close. So very close to telling her. She still thinks I'm a surrogate babysitter until the end of the tournament. "Leona—"

"He has no ties to you or this town. He can rent a house and hang around town until the tournament."

I close my mouth. I want to show Ben how to help us. His point wasn't unheard. Maybe I didn't want him to help. I wasn't budging either. The fact that he's checking out of the hotel as we speak keeps my doubts on high alert. Ben wants easy. He wants this to have a start and finish as if this whole situation was one golf game. But I can't share that with Leona. I've already sold my soul enough for one lifetime, what would she think if she knew instead of renting my womb I leased the rest of my life for a baby who wasn't my responsibility in the first place? Think I'll keep that secret and throw away the key.

"Hello? Joss?" Leona's voice causes me to look at her. "You're not. You know. No. Are you into him?"

"No," I bring on the righteous indignation. "No."

"How many women have been in your shoes? Falling for him. Letting themselves be used by him like he's some gift to the male creation. I don't care if he bought you new doors. That should send you running in the other direction."

"Why?" I laugh. "Did I miss something about home security gifts?"

"He's just going to buy his way into your life."

"No," I lay tracks on that line of thinking immediately. My heart tightens at the thought of Ben anywhere near my heart. selfish. "Even if I wanted him, by the time I'm ready to explore any of that, he'll be gone." I walk over to the kitchen. "And so will you. I can't believe you're leaving so soon. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No, my stomach's been in knots all day. There's so much to do before I go. Only a few more weeks now." She picks up the laundry basket. I never knew having someone do laundry could be as satisfying as having sex. That doesn't sound as depressing as it could. When Leona returns from putting Noelle's clothes away, she plops the empty basket in front of me. "How bad was it? With your dad?"