Until November

Chapter 28

Jocelyn 

Here we are, one week out from November, in the golden blush of fall. Ben is at the resort. I move around the house, go through the motions, wash the sheets, re-organize Noelle's set up in the main room, but my thoughts are like cars on a speedy highway set to crash around me. Thanks to Linda and John, the easy part of this equation is shot. Even if I wanted to ask Ben about what happens after the tournament, I wasn't going to put more pressure on him. Noelle is his priority. Not our couple status. And when thoughts stream in like rising flood waters about the possibility of him going back to his life and meeting someone else, I have to cough back jealous breaths.

I take out the trash, coming back around the front of the house as a delivery van ambles up the driveway, his speaker playing Jukebox Hero. I wave to the driver and he jumps out and hauls a package to my porch. 

I walk up my steps to see what arrived. My gaze narrows at the photo on the big box. It's a PGA indoor putting mat. My phone chimes. I pull it out of my pocket.

Ben: For the golfer in you that never really quit

Ben: Start practicing again

Ben: P.S. I want to play golf with you

Ben: And make out with you on the 10th hole. I've scoped out the best spots on the course to do this with you. 

My smile widens, thinning out the fears as I breathe in and trust in good things, in playing golf with Ben. I schlep in the big box and stick it off to the side. The picture on the box makes me think of how long it has been since I thought about playing again and Ben's gift, his presence, golf shoved in my face all-day-everyday for the last month might be wearing down that iron resolve to never try competitive golf again.

Maybe I should surprise Ben in his hotel suite one night. It's hard to plan a sexy surprise with a baby in tow, which makes me laugh and I haven't laughed since Linda and John were on the television.

The tourism bureau is having a pre-tournament celebration. Vendors are out downtown, restaurants are offering special meals, it's what our town does. In years past, these were my favorite events to work, the clubhouse will be packed, the golf course prepped and ready for the tournament, tourists getting in their last tee times and hoping to glimpse the professionals.

Only this time, I am not involved in any of the events. I don't start work until after the tournament. A deflated sigh leaves my chest. "It's one tournament," I explain to Noelle, staring up at me like she's giving this one-way communication thing a real shot. "At least being here I don't have to worry about the parking or the drunk caddies or the fans trying to break into the clubhouse." She wiggles her mouth and stretches. "What do you think, girlfriend, should we go to the tournament? I don't entirely trust that you won't start crying at a pivotal moment."

She closes her eyes.

"Avoidance, like my roommate. The two of you are more similar than you know. At least you both smell good."

For the first time since the birth, I find a post-natal workout video online, managing to get through it, though mostly, if we count ten minutes as successful. I peruse through my phone checking out the news and my smile vanishes. 

Advertising Giant Club Life considers dropping Ben Ryan Amidst Past Decisions...

"What?" I read the article. "...After Ben forced his ex-girlfriend to get an abortion..." My heart breaks for the hatred against him, for a decision he made privately with Hannah more than a decade ago. "The creator of golf gear executives say they are looking into whether or not Mr. Ryan is still the best representation for their company...The parents of Hannah Winfield say Ben is violating the wishes of their late daughter...they are filing for custody of their granddaughter."