Until November

Chapter 29

Ben

Someone fucking betrayed me.

"Cancel the press conference," I shout at Eli, hurrying down the hall behind me to get to my hotel room, the band of photographers and media are held back like a pack of wild dogs by hotel security in the lobby. Their questions run like echoes barking in my ear. The clicks of phones and cameras eat away a piece of my soul, my foot stomping fast to get to my room and safely inside. Someone didn't betray me. They obliterated my trust.

The list of possibilities are on a very short list. Sheila would throw herself off an airplane with no parachute before breaking confidentiality and Rich is a grandfather who hasn't once sold any part of my family's pain. Which leaves...

Which means...

A jolt electrifies me with brutal, unforgiving clarity about the process of elimination leading to one answer. In a shockwave of uncertainty, I flash my hotel card at my door and push the door open with powerful force, my body willing my mind to stop and think before casting stones at Jocelyn.

Eli's right on my heels, spouting off his frustration. The door closing softly behind him. "No. Ben. You can't do that." His hands fly to his hips, his suit jacket picking up at the shoulders from his sharp movement. "You have a room full of reporters downstairs. You have answers you need to give."

The news broke as I had been preparing for an interview. Eli cut in, got me away from the cameras, but it wasn't soon enough. We had moved swiftly through the ballroom through the lobby hunted by the press. I rake my hand through my hair, my thoughts competing and colliding. I have known reporters who will do anything to get a story, but this level of scrutiny on me is different. The focus is singular like a bright light on me, revealing the flaws and nicks in my life that I am the only person used to seeing.

First Jack's death, then the abortion, Linda and John's crusade to get Noelle, now someone intentionally telling the world I was willing pay someone to raise my niece. That I entered a binding legal agreement to give Jocelyn a child for $1 million. No matter how I respond, no matter WHAT I SAY, I have a solid understanding of how this looks. I might as well be standing beneath a dark cloud of shit.

Now everyone knows. Everyone knows the things that are crucially private to me. That were signed and sealed, and secrets for only a few to carry. No one seems to know that Jack forced us to live together, that this all stemmed from a choice I didn't have a say in, but that hasn't been brought to the surface.

Will that be out there too? Are Linda and John and their lawyer holding that card in their hands? Why is it only this agreement that has suddenly been fed into every social media outlet?

Jocelyn's name will be out there any second, passing from mouth to mouth, spread like embers in the wind with the fire rolling harsh and fast.

"Ben," Eli's voice, surprising calm, reaches my ears.

I jerk my head to his, remembering I am not alone.

"You have to talk to me." He points his finger at his chest. "I need to know what's going on. I need to know the naked truth. All of it. Is what they're saying true? You paid a woman to do what...adopt Jack's child?"

"Yes," I roar, squeezing my eyes closed, regret pinching my breath. My hands fall hard on my hips. "Yes," I say more calmly.

"Who is she?"

"The woman from the funeral. Jocelyn Madson."

Eli's chest rises, his shoulders squeeze back. Understanding swims in his gaze. "The pregnant woman. I should have known. I knew something was going on. You know what?" He takes a deep breath, the lanyard around his neck with the VIP pass sways with his movement. "That doesn't matter now. It's out. I can't get in front of something like this when you don't talk to me." He rakes his hands through his hair, puffing a sigh. His demeanor changes, turning calm. "Are we friends?"