Until November

Chapter 32

Jocelyn

I have not stopped thinking about Ben. He has a daughter somewhere out there. My brain is going into overdrive wondering what is going through his mind and his heart. We have not spoken or reached out since I left him at the resort. Guilt clogs my breath again. I made a mistake, too. I shouldn't have read Jack's message before Ben did. That was just as dishonest as he had been with me.

The final round of the tournament is tomorrow. It was supposed to be done three days ago until the heavens opened up and rain poured down for a solid day and extended every competitor's stay in this town. Ben is positioned to snag the title, the coveted 1st place spot at the Fielding Cup. I have been following the game, not wanting to watch him but checking on him all the same. I pour myself a cup of coffee and grab Leona's water. "Are you sure you don't want a lemon cookie?"

Leona shakes her head and presses her lips together like I've offered her a mouse. "I can't keep much down."

Stretched out on my couch, she takes a look at her phone and sets it on the coffee table. I take a seat next to Noelle on the floor. She's kicking and wiggling on her undersea playmat. The coffee is at a safe distance, the smell of caffeine scenting the room. A knot of unease rages in my stomach.

I walked out on Ben when I should have stayed. I keep going over in my mind if his omission about that day is worth not trusting him. I am afraid I am forgetting how to trust. Even him, I told him I was waiting for him to make the first move about what happens after the tournament when now, days later, all it sounds like is me complaining.

Once the tournament is over, we inevitably will have to communicate. It might be the last time we speak. What is it that I want to say? I swivel around and look at my friend. "You have been here for two hours and you have yet to tell me how you're holding up."

She rolls her lips tight and inward. "Is it okay that I don't have an answer?"

I don't have many answers these days, so, I get it. "You don't have to talk about it."

Leona rests her head back, her beautiful skin smooth as ever, as if pregnancy were already giving her natural glow a second, amazing boost. "The doctor confirmed that this baby is happening sometime around June 5th." Her voice isn't nearly as upset as she had sounded when she first told me, but happy would be a leap.

"What about the director? What did he say?" Someone please please please tell me good news.

"The director didn't say anything. His assistant told me that it was in my contract. If I can't perform for any reason, I have to try out again like everyone else. The company has no legal obligation to pay me or hold a similar part for me next year." Her voice is gutted. "I lost my spot."

"Leona, I'm sorry."

"No. No. No. No sympathy. I have decided that I will not give up. New York may not be in the cards this year, but I will get there. There are other dancers with families. I have my connection now that I had a spot. I will get through this first year and make plans to get there." She cracks her wide smile. "But still, my first one-night stand and this is what happens."

I offer a commiserating mumble. Noelle fusses, stealing my attention. I watch her carefully, she's been off since yesterday, not eating much, doesn't seem contented. She looks confused by the under-the-ocean arch with crinkly starfish dangling and out of reach. "Are you going to get the name of the father?" She doesn't answer and I whip my head to her. "Leona?"

"We've been hanging out this week," she admits with a stealthy roll of her breath.

I sit up straight. This is turning interesting... "You were able to track him down? Does this mean he's local?" And hopefully single? She made it sound like she knew so little about him.