depression

~the smile on my face~

I have a smile on my face. I can laugh, and damn, it's been a while since I laughed so much. It feels really good, finally being where I'm supposed to be.

I always had this problem, I would think the suffering will be there forever and the moments of happiness will end as soon as they came. But it's actually been a while since I last felt depressed. This makes me think: "Wow, I am that strong". I got through the hardest times sometimes alone, sometimes with help, but I really did it. For me it's unbelievable, I never thought I could pull myself out of that dark place, call it whatever you want, it doesn't matter now. And ofcourse, there's still a part of me that's saying this won't be forever, but even if it isn't forever at least I should enjoy it while it lasts, right?

Please, let me be happy, because I don't know how much I can take anymore.
I finally understand how good it feels to laugh for real, maybe for some people this is strange, but just I am the only one who knows how many times I've faked a smile. So please, let it be forever, it feels too good being alive. Don't take this away for me.