Nothing Lasts Forever (Phan)

Chapter 5

FETUS AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Dedicated to SomethingPhanRelated for guessing the picture and making me laugh with her comments. Who can name one of my FAVOURITE videos?

Dan POV

"See you in a week." Phil smiles as we walk out to the car.
"If I'm still alive in a week." I deadpan. Phil grins.
"You'll be fine."
"Come here." I say opening my arms. Phil steps forward and wraps his arms tightly around my waist and shoulders.
"I can't wait to come home." He whispers.
"I haven't even left yet." I reply quietly.
"I know, but I'll be lonely tonight." Phil squeezes me once more before stepping back.
"Me too." I turn and wave to Catherine, who was standing on the porch with an unreadable expression on her face. "See you in London Mum!" I yell to her. She smiles and waves back and I turn back to Phil.
"I'll Skype you when I get home." I promise.
"I'll be waiting."
"Bye."
"See you."
This time I actually do get in the car, waving once more before I drive away.

A few hours later I'm unlocking the door to our apartment, glad to be home but sad Phil wasn't here. Dumping my bag on my bed I grab my laptop and power it on, heading out to the lounge and slipping into my sofa crease. Opening Skype, I click on Phil's name, and almost instantly his face fills the screen.
"It's been a while since we've communicated like this." Phil laughs.
"Yeah what was it? Two thousand and nine?"
Phil nods, a smile stretching over his face.
"Good trip back?" He asks.
"Yeah, there was this one idiot though, some tourist."
"Guess what?!" Phil suddenly exclaims, making my speakers crackle with the volume.
"What?"
"Mum found a place, there was an apartment two floors down from us that went up and hour ago, she got it straight away."
"Phil that's great! More chocolate chip biscuits." I beam. This was perfect for Phil, and as long as she didn't become overbearing and always hanging around it would great.
"So with this video you want me to make." I change the subject.
"Yeah uh, just say what happened, and that I'll be home within three days."
"Three days?!" I exclaim excitedly. "I thought you were gonna be gone for a week!"
"Nope, now that Mum has found a place we'll start packing today and tomorrow and head up on Wednesday."
"That's still two sleeps away." I point out.
"You live."
"Well in that case, I've got fans to appease after suddenly disappearing for three weeks." I nod, already tweeting I was home and there would be a new video that night.
"Well Skype me tomorrow." Phil instructs. "Around nine-ish probably."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye."
I sign off and walk to my room to start setting up for the video, planning it as I went. I had been checking daily for a reappearance for the photo taken on the hospital roof, but it seemed like Jess had made good on her word and taken it down from everywhere.

It was around seven pm by time I finished editing the video and set it to upload. Suddenly realising I was hungry I walk into Phil's room to see what he wants for dinner.
"Phil- oh." My words echo through the empty house. Phil wasn't there. I was cooking for one tonight.

Was I really that dependant on Phil? I had to ask him what we were doing for dinner even when he wasn't there? Was I not capable of making my own choices anymore? I head to the kitchen and stare at the full cabinets. Nothing jumped out as particularly appetising, and suddenly I was no longer hungry. It was like I couldn't function on my own. I mean how often were Phil and I actually separate? That week last year when I filmed the outcast video, that had defiantly been the worst week of my life since I had met Phil, I had never been lonelier.

In the living room I flick on the Xbox, but can't get into any game. I go check on the video, which has ten minutes left of uploading time. I sit in my desk chair and spin in slow circles, staring at the ground. What if I had never found that video? What if I had never discovered Phil, and decided that no buts, I was going to met him. I wouldn't have been where I was now, that's for sure. Would I have made it through high school? Would I have made it to twenty three?

I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and blink furiously to make them go away. My computer beeps to inform me the video is uploaded, and I watch the comments flow in. A small smile plays at my lips as messages of sympathy and support for Phil fill the screen. But then someone mentioned the photo. And someone else, and someone else.

Fury burns in my chest and protectiveness wraps it's way around my brain.
'Are you fucking kidding me?' I type furiously. 'Phil's dad has just passed away and you're going to sit there and say a photo of me comforting him as he cried is proof phan is real? Well no, phan isn't real and that's the truth. I was doing what any good friend would do. And unless you're here to show some support you can fuck off. The last thing Phil needs right now is rumours like this going around.'

I felt so mad and protective over Phil, and I had the sudden urge to be with him, just hold him and tell him it would be okay. I didn't know what to do, I felt light headed and dizzy, and nothing was coming to focus, I stare at my phone screen, automatically going to Tumblr, only to find myself being tagged in screenshots of me saying phan isn't real.
"Shit." I swear to myself, standing and pacing around the room. What had I done? I couldn't think straight when Phil was involved. It was a different part of me thinking. It always was. Any video I filmed with him was like torture, sitting so close, our shoulders rubbing, sending little zip zaps across my body. It was almost to much bear, except when we moved and the zip zaps left, I felt cold and lonely, like I just wanted to pull him back to me. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't live without Phil.

Grabbing my phone, my thumb hovers over the call button, when a shiver runs down my spine, a sudden realisation dawning.

It wasn't that I couldn't live without Phil.

No, that was only part of it.

I couldn't live without him,

Because I loved him.