Nothing Lasts Forever (Phan)

Chapter 17

Dan POV

I wake up to a slap across the face. I struggle to sit up on Jess's couch, trying to see who had attacked me. The living room light was on and my eyes had to adjust to light before I could see Jess standing beside the couch in tears.

"Jess, what's wrong?" I ask, pressing a hand against my cheek, Jess was really strong. "It's like two am!

"You selfish asshole." She seethes. "You're so caught up in how you feel you haven't stopped to think about Phil."

"Jess what are you talking about?" 

"Sit up." She snaps, not answering my question. I swing my legs off the couch and sit up. I was so confused. I had been sleeping on Jess's couch for the past three nights, her Dad was surprisingly chill about his sixteen year old daughter having a twenty three year old man crash on their couch. Jess agreed when I first came to stay that she wouldn't tell anyone  I was here. She also agreed not to tell me what Phil said in his videos. She was on a break from school right now which meant I hadn't been left alone all day. She had been great fun and really nice the whole time, until now.

Jess grabs her laptop off the coffee table, and I remember my MacBook, the one I smashed after freaking out at Mum's. She loads up YouTube and goes onto Phil's channel.

"Jess we agreed-" I begin, but stop when she whirls around to face me, eyes flashing

"I don't give a fuck Daniel." She glares.

"Jess I don't want to see these videos." I say, starting to get up.

"Yeah well apparently Phil doesn't want to make them."

I sit back down. "What do you mean?"

Jess glares at me again.

"I mean Phil decided that without you he wasn't going to continue YouTube."

I stare at her in shock.

"You're not serious-" I attempt weakly.

"Well Phil sure is." Jess thrusts the laptop into my hands. "I hope you're sorry you asshole. By the way, you better be gone by the time I wake up."

I stare after her open mouthed. She goes into her room and closes the door. I turn back to the laptop in my hands, and am greeted by a solemn faced Phil. The video was called Bye. Reluctantly, I click play.

"Hey guys. Um, I need to say before I properly start this video, that a lot of you aren't going to like what I'm about to say. But please, don't try and change my mind because this is easily the hardest decision I've ever had to make." Phil starts, looking away nervously.

"You all know my origin story, and some of you have been with me since before I knew Dan, and that blows my mind. This is as hard for me as it is for you, trust me. As most of you will know by now, I asked everyone to stop looking for Dan. If he wants to come home, then he'll come home, we can't force him. So if you haven't already, call off your search parties and private investigators, I'm done fighting for someone that doesn't want to be fought for. I'm not giving up on Dan, I'll never give up on him, after all, he turned me gay." Phil lets out a small laugh, and I let out a strangled sob, pausing the video. Turned him gay?! He didn't mean- had Adrian been right? Had Phil really been about to say I love you?

"But as most of you will know, Dan quit YouTube. And over the years, danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil have become a pair. We're like socks, you can't just wear one. Well you can but- you get what I mean. Without Dan doing it with me, I can't keep being AmazingPhil. I don't want to keep being AmazingPhil. We were introduced into everything together. We did everything together, and don't know how we didn't see it earlier, but we were meant to be together. I think we might have missed that chance. So this is me, taking off my AmazingPhil, costume, and just sitting here, being Phillip Michael Lester. AmazingPhil will always be a part of me, just danisnotonfire will. But for now, and possible forever, AmazingPhil is saying goodbye internet." Phil stares at the camera and I stare at Phil, shocked.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry in this video, so I'm going to end it here, but not really. The rest of this video is a message for Dan, so even though I know most of you will keep watching anyway, you could stop here, just like AmazingPhil is." Phil pauses, and so does my heart.

"Dan, I love more than you will probably ever know. And if I don't just to show you, then I hope you know that, unless you come back, I'm probably going to die alone because no one will ever be you. I hope someday you see this, and it isn't to late for us. I don't want there to never be an us, because the truth is, I always wanted phan to be real, that was always my biggest dream. And I hope it still can be. Come home Dan, and maybe, AmazingPhil and danisnotonfire will come back with you."

I stare at the screen, unsure whether to smile or cry. Phil loved me, and he had from the start. But I had made him give up the thing he had worked so hard to achieve. Phil was one of the first real YouTubers, and I just ended it.

I begin watching the other videos. Phil said he loved me in them all. If I had just watched them...

I watched the video where everyone invaded the house, Phil seemed so overwhelmed and trapped. This was all my fault! Me being stupid and selfish led to Phil, the happiest person I knew being depressed and broken.

I open word pad, and enter my cell phone number and a note.

Dear Jess

Thank you. I'm going home now. I think phan might be a sailing ship, but for now I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself. Text me anytime, I might actually reply.