5sos Imagines

Not As Okay As I Thought - Part Seven

Stumbling backwards through the open door, you felt your thoughts spinning around your head like lights on a carnival ride. Right now, in this moment, you were getting everything you had wanted for the past year. Luke was putty in your hands, wanting nothing more than to show you how much he loved you. And as willing and wanting as you were, there was still doubt gnawing at your conscious brain. As he pushed you back towards the bed, kicking the door shut behind him you, felt your body tense. He began pulling at the hem of your blouse as the back of your knees hit the bed. He managed to pull the silky material over your head after some struggle and once it was discarded he planted his lips directly on your, a slight whimper falling from your lips as he gave a slight push for you to lay back. His kisses began to trail down your jawline and if your brain hadn't been firing on all cylinders you might have actually enjoyed his perfect lips leaving small pecks along your soft skin. You knew exactly where tonight would lead, you would be wrapped up in the adrenaline and rush of his skin against yours, his fingertips tracing every inch of your tingling skin, but the next morning the magic would be gone. It would be like someone had dropped a ton of bricks on to your body and your body would be stuck in bed, cemented to the plush mattress, trying to wait out Luke and praying he would leave soon or else your bladder would explode. You never liked seeing Luke the morning after. Something felt wrong about it, like you hadn't actually been present the previous night, or maybe you were under a spell, but the second you woke up you felt out of place and utterly uncomfortable. You had played this off to being shy for so long, but eventually you came to grips with the fact that your relationship with him was like an addiction, something you enjoyed in the moment, but the second you sobered up you knew that it was toxic for you, yet you kept coming back. By now, your lips had stopped moving in unison with Luke's and he was only willing to continue without reciprocation for so long.

"Y/n, What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He asked, pausing his assault on the tender skin of your neck. His eyes looked soft, something that the previous year would have made you melt down to the core, the idea that he wanted to be so gentle with you that even his gaze was like a warm hug. Tonight was different though, the look in his eyes made you angry, you felt guilty for how easily you had given in to him. All he needed to do was pout his lips and give you a sob story and suddenly you were all, but ripping him out of his clothes, trying to have pity-driven sex with him. Looking back on it now, you realized, it seemed to be the only type of sex you had, that or angry sex which seemed to be his forte.

"Um... No." You sighed feeling your body falling back in to its old routine. "Actually , yes. Yes there is something wrong, Luke. What are we doing?" You snapped, the wires finally clicking in your brain as you realized that this issue needed to be addressed before anymore of your clothing hit the floor.

"Well, we're um... Well you know." He stuttered, his confidence visibly faltering.

"I don't mean physically, Luke, clearly I know what we're DOING. What I meant was why are we doing this if we both know this won't end well. It doesn't even feel right, right now." You watched as the lanky boy in front of you let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck with the hand that had previously been holding you closer to his body than you thought humanly possible. He looked deflated, as if your question had popped his bubble of falsity and left him to face the raw facts.

"We're fixing everything. All the shit, we're getting past it."

"No, Luke. We're covering it up. We're pretending to still have feeling for each other so that we can just fuck and make up. That's how we always do it-"

"Pretending?" He interrupted suddenly, his soft eyes immediately turning in to sharp dagger, protecting his vulnerably thoughts. "I'm not pretending, y/n. Are you?" His tone was clipped and his body seemed to tower above yours in a menacing stance, a dam threatening to break if you didn't choose your words correctly.

"Well, I thought that... No I just..." Were you pretending? You hadn't intended to say that, in fact you didn't even realize that you felt that way until this moment.

"You're really over me now?" He whispered. The enormity of the situation was like a blow to your chest, you felt alone. You had always had this obsession with Luke to flood your brain, but now what did you have? Luke let out a slight huff, "Well, I should have seen that coming. I didn't exactly treat you well. But then you spent that time with..." He trailed off, noticing the incredulous look on your face.

"... Luke. I...I don't know."

"I do. I know you y/n. You might not think I do, but before you were my girlfriend, you were my best friend. I know you. You have feelings for someone else. Don't you?" His question caught you off guard, your eyes shooting up at him as you tried to rack your brain for some sort of response. Firing on all wires you tried to console him, but only one thought kept surfacing among the buzz and confusion of all the others.

CALUM.

~Written by 5sosexiness on Tumblr ~