5sos Imagines

Not As Okay As I Thought - Part Five

Slipping in to your bunk, you felt your entire body finally give out. Your muscles were sore and tired, and you felt as if you'd ran a marathon. The sunburn on your skin causing pain to radiate through your body as the cotton sheets scratched relentlessly against it. Your mind was racing with all the thoughts and questions about the day you had just fought your way through. Covering yourself up with your covers, a tear slipped down your cheek, cooling your scorching skin as it fell. You couldn't comprehend the events that had occurred, nor did you want to. Somehow you managed to start the day happy, adrenaline pumping through your veins, and end it as a complete and utter disgrace to yourself, your band, and to the one person whose opinion of you mattered more than you would like it to. You figured that you had finally gotten the upper hand on Luke, after all he had cheated on you with your bandmate, but instead you had broken his heart, destroyed a friendship and become even more of a villain than he had. Your body shuttered as you allowed yourself to cry for the first time today, holding it in the entire time you were onstage and even after when you were forced to eat your microwave dinner on the bus with your band mates, the uncomfortable silence diminishing your appetite as you sat on the opposite end of the room, body shoved as tightly in to the corner of the couch as you could, trying to forget the stinging pain rippling through your skin from the sunburn you could have avoided, if only you had listened to Jonah. In fact, almost all of your problems could have been avoided if you had just listened to her. You wouldn't have almost killed her if you had grabbed her inhaler, per her request. Nor would you have gotten burned if you had taken her advice to "just put on a little sunscreen so save your poor sensitive skin." And worst of all, you could have avoided the ENTIRE Luke situation if you had heeded her advice to "forget about that lowlife, because he has no reason to have any power of you." Instead of this though, you had allowed yourself to become completely enveloped in everything to do with Luke, and completely forgotten about you band. You let out a soft sob, immediately regretting it as you heard someone stir in one of the other bunks. Shoving your hand over your mouth, your body convulsing with your deep and shaky breaths, you curled yourself in to a fetal position, like you were somehow going to protect yourself from the painful regret flooding through you. How could everything have turned around on you so quickly? You were on top of the world one second and the next you had plummeted to the depths of hell as you saw your best friend crumpled on the floor, gasping for your air and your other bandmates looking upon you as if you were the most disgusting creature they had ever lain their eyes on. And to add insult to injury, Luke somehow managed to make you feel guilty as he strutted past you, pained expression displayed on his face, avoiding any and all eye contact with you. You actually felt sorry for him, which you knew shouldn't have been the case, but yet here you were, overtaken with emotions, trying to hold back your squeaks so as to not disturb your bandmates, whom would not have pity for you anyways. You were an outcast in your own home, completely isolated from the very people who you wanted comfort from the most. You listened for sounds of life in the bus around you over the whirring of the bus and the rush from the air conditioner. You could faintly hear snores coming from Ricky's bunk, a sound that would usually prompt you throw a pillow at him from across the aisle way, but tonight offered you a sense of comfort for some odd reason. You wanted more than anything to wake them all up so you could apologize, to cry in their arms as they told you everything was going to be ok. But instead you were alone in your cramped little bunch, sweating profusely under your covers because you refused to remove your fluffy shield from the world. And to make matters worse you knew that things between you and Calum were done as well. After the show he had ended up getting in to a huge fight with Luke and, just as you had expected of him, he blamed you. He told Luke everything and hadn't even given it a second thought. You felt as if he had completely stabbed you in the back and made you look ridiculous to Luke who would undoubtedly make you look like the biggest idiot, with his flouncy bimbo (Tilly) at his side. At this point your sadness had turned to anger and spite, you kicked the covers off of you slightly grunting as you tried to untangle your legs, eventually giving up and flopping them down on the bed with a defeated huff. As the stream of tears began to lighten and you were regaining your breath, the corner of your bunk curtain was gently pulled back and you could barely make out the outline of the person outside your bunk, but you knew it was Jonah.