𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 | 𝟏𝟖+

thirty-six; heartbreak

A U R O R A

"But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, she's got you mesmerized, while I die."

. . .

Admitting that I broke down crying when I was alone in my room hurts more than it should, so I won't.

Though I had a warm welcome when I got home and both mom and dad showered me with hugs and kisses. Dad even made homemade pizza and tiramisu.

When mom asked me if I was okay, the tears nearly escaped but I managed to swallow them away and just nodded.

I want to talk to her about it, confess my feelings, and ask for her advice. Maybe I should, but I'm not sure since my emotions are confusing the fuck out of me and I don't know what I want.

What I do know, is that I want Riccardo to be honest with me and hold me in his arms, telling me that he feels the same way and doesn't want to lose me either.

Towards the evening, I get an incoming call from Chad.

"Hey," I sigh when I pick up. "You sound sad, is everything okay?" he asks as soon as he hears my voice.

"No," I whisper and look out of my window and to the sky. "I'm pretty fucking miserable, you?"

"Same," he chuckles but I can hear the pain in his voice. "Kate invited me over for dinner this evening, but I didn't know that Carlos would be there."

"Oh no," I gasp and sit up, feeling my heart ache for Chad. "Yeah..." he trails off, "but hey, I'm still alive and managed to get through the night."

"You shouldn't have been in that position," I frown. "Neither should you," he replies. I bite my lip.

"You're right, yet here I am."

I start telling Chad about what happened in New York and Canada. "So, you're developing feelings for him?" he asks. I sigh and feel my lower lip starting to tremble.

"Yeah," I answer, my voice high pitched and cracking since I want to hold back my tears.

"I guess we're both in love with someone we can't have," I choke out, the tears streaming down my face. I hate myself.

I'm so pathetic and brought this upon myself.

"I deserve this," I sniffle and lay down in bed, hugging a pillow close to my chest. "You don't," Chad says, trying to calm me down. "I do," I say.

"I knew what I was getting into and yet I still slept with him."

"Yeah, because you liked him and you two were clearly attracted to each other," he says. "That's not an excuse," I whisper and lick my dry lips.

"Do you want to come over tomorrow?" he asks. "To get drunk and do some stupid shit?"

I nod. "I'd love to," I chuckle, grateful for a friend like him. "Good, I'll see you tomorrow then," he says.

We both hang up and I put my phone on the nightstand, looking at the stars outside my window.

The door behind me opens, and I recognize mom's footsteps. "Hey baby," she says and gets in bed with me. I turn around and see her sitting against the headboard of my bed.

"Hi mommy," I bring out, feeling weak and vulnerable. I wrap my arms around her and put my head on her lap, letting my tears fall freely.

Her hands go through my hair, massaging my scalp. "What happened?" she asks. I shake my head.