Like a Bullet to the Chest (Heathers: a Kurt x reader)

Eleven

She never went to the bonfire. She didn't go out the rest of the weekend. There wasn't really much of a point in going to these things anymore. Heather was gone. Duke was a decent replacement, but she wasn't Chandler. She never would be.

In August, she considered herself popular. Now, she didn't know, nor did she care. Socializing this year had been hard in general, even without the suicide.

Heather had always made their rivalry extremely public, made a scene of it. Duke just... disregarded her. It made sense. They had no history, no secrets, no reminisce of friendship.

Her alarm went off at seven, but she'd woken up at five and showed no signs of being able to go back to sleep.

It had been awhile since she'd had a nightmare. But she'd just seen her again. The body on the floor, the cold house, the colder counseling office.

"A girl your age should never have to see that. It's completely normal for you to be unsure about how you feel."

When she was out of the room and back on the floor, looking at the corpse in front of her, she realized it was a dream. Immediately, she'd snapped awake.

It was November 8th. Exactly four years since it happened.

After deciding to get dressed, since she was wide awake now, she crept down the stairs. At the kitchen counter, with his head down, and cup of coffee cupped in his old hands, her dad sat. He wasn't drinking it, just cradling it, trying to suck the warmth from the mug.

It hit him a lot harder.

"Dad?" she'd whispered, just loud enough for him to hear, he whipped his head around and immediately did his best to smile.

He wasn't as good at faking as his daughter was.

"Oh, hey champ. S'early..." He stated, standing up and going over to pour her a cup, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing okay Dad, just... had a dream about her, that's all."

"Yeah... me too," he sighed, handing her a cup of coffee. She set it down and gave sat with him at the counter. She'd considered giving him a hug, but it almost felt like that would make things worse.

"I'm sorry. For after." He said, looking down at his cup.

She looked up, and opened her mouth, but shut it again.

"I should've... It was my job to-" he stuttered. He was a good dad, but this, this she still hadn't forgiven.

"It was. Your job, I mean." She muttered.

"It was so hard."

"Yeah. It was hard."

She stood up, and went to the pantry. Reaching for two cereal bars, she sighed.

Turning around, and tossing one gently on the counter, she looked up at him, at his eyes this time,

"This is the first time you've ever brought it up, I thought you didn't even know."

His eyes were wet when he spoke, "I knew. I just couldn't help you. I didn't know how. I think about it more than I think of her."

"Dad-" she choked out, "I needed you. I needed you and you were always gone."

She made her way over to stand closer to him, he stood up.

"I know. I- The way I handled things, it's my biggest regret. "

She smiled, a fake smile. He still wouldn't say it. Wouldn't flat out just tell her he was sorry for basically abandoning her. And until he could, she wouldn't be able talk about this with him.