Distopia (Supercorp au)

Rather die a hero than stay the villan

Chapter 24

(WARNING: Suicidal thoughts! Suicide)

Lexi arrived in the storage and looked around.It was all messy and dark but she knew this place,she had to tidy it up so often,she was able to find what she needed.In a hidden corner,behind boxes full of conserves and waterbottles,there was a whole huge box,filled with TNT. That was what she was searching for.

She grabbed it and the box was heavy but not that bad that she werent able to carry it.She searched for some lighter or any other thing to make fire.She hadnt had to search for long,a lighter was on a shelve in the storage,it lays there that obvious that it was not possible to not see it.It was small and silvern and it felt cold in Lexis hand.It seems like the time runs away,everything happend without problems.Seems like it will be over soon.She was focused,the whole plan was clear and she felt no fear inside.Only less burden on her shoulders.Maybe it wasnt a way to turn back time and make things right that she screwed before,but it was definitly better then beeing the villan for all time.She will take one more life,but only to keep her family safe and to fight the villans.And it wouldnt count if it was her own life,right?

Silently she made her way,she walked to the small corridors and it felt like she was about to get crushed by them.It was a bit like claustrophobia,she wanted space and fresh air and the sun.She needed to breath.Calm Lexi Calm,everything will be ok,it will be over soon.

But the thought to not see the sun again anymore.That broke her heart a little.A senseless wish came over her.She wished she wouldve died back at the moment where she laid down on that tree, an arrow in her chest,bleeding but at least free.The sun shined in her eyes back then.The last air that wouldve filled her lungs wouldve been fresh and smelled like jungle and nature and peace.

Now her lungs will fill with dust and sooth and fire and the last thing she would ever see was a cave,filled with dark unnatural light.She would never hear voices of laughing children,she would never see another human beeing again,will never eat her favourite food again.She will never ever sing a song,will never be able to apologize to her sister, or to Zor El-Kara.

Many people asked theirselves what will come after the body gave up.Lexi knew it.Nothing.It was simple nature.People get born, live a life with more or less sense.Some produce a new generation.Then they die.Their bodys slowly become dust and become the earth again.There was nothing after.But that was ok, Lexi was happy about the time she had,even if it was a short and tough time it was the time that was given to her.She used it to save people,then to hurt people.She saw it clearer now.She was not a villan and not a hero,she was only human.And that was never only good or bad.She saw only a small part of the world,and still her city seemed so big to her.All the people she met,all desicions she made,they formed her ,they led to this moment when all comes to an end.And in the end it wont matter.People will all be the same,reunited in all the love and pain they shared.All felt the same feelings once and none of them was perfect.Thats what made them individual,the way to deal with this emotions.Irony,in the end all of them will disintegrate into the same dry dust when time passes by.That seemed to be another main part of life. The time,something that you cant comprehend easily.Something that changes and turns and always is there for a suprise.Who wouldve thouht that Lexis time was already over after 18 years?

Her life was an eternity and a blink in the countenance ‎of time.It was nothing and everything.A whole universe that was about to die soon.And Lexi said goodbye.With all her memories, wishes that never came true.She wished she had found her love as her sister did.She wished for children and a home and peace and sitting in the sun watching her children grow.That is how it couldve been.If her life had took a diffrent way

Lexi never thought she would be philosophic like that,but she never was going to die that soon, so yeah that was a point where everyone was ready to be a bit of a philosoph.These thoughts were running through her head the whole way to the one room that was her destiny.

When she arrived everything happend in slow motion,she put all the TNT in the corners,on the walls and every carrying bar in the room.She placed a box in the middle where she would sit in her last moments and pulled some gasoline around in the room so that all parts of the TNT will get lightened.The smell was burning in her nose,and again she wished for flower and fresh breeze instead of this.But it is what it is,she cant change it now.

She sat down on the box and waited with the lightener in her hand.Lena wouldnt forget to pull the alarm, would she?No she had faith in her sister,everything would be fine.Lena would be alive and safe,reunited with the love of her life.She saw how deep the connection was when she and Kara were,kind of a team in this days.Kara was the right one for her sister and Lexi was happy with that.

The alarm started ringing and pulled her out of her thoughts,what have to mean Lena is on her way out.They did it ,they got Zor El back,ot at least that was was Lexi hoped.She wanted to wait one more minute to make sure they are outside.What she not expected was the door to the room opening while she sat there,only minutes away from death.And the person she saw there was the last person she wanted to be there in that moment.

The old lady,who else.She saw Lexi sitting there,one push with the lightener away from destroying everything she lived for and for the very first time she showed emotions.She showed fear."Lexi,you dont want to do that,believe me."her voice was shaking,she had lost the control.

Satisfaction came over Lexi,finally she was not tied ,her mind was her own and she was able to decide on her own."What else is left ma'am,you made me a villan.A killer and torturer without a bit of myself left.And you know what?I dont want to be your monster any longer and i cant get rid of the guilt of what i did.So congratulations you created this way for me to die with a small rest of honor,even if i wished i had died the day you found me under that tree.Why couldnt you just let me go,why did you used me?

She hadnt noticed how tears slowly rolled down her cheecks but now showing weakness or feelings was not dangerous or bad.It was freeing and helped her to focus.

Some begging words by the lady:"Lexi you are young,you can have so much things,you not even saw 1 percent of what is possible in this world,dont throw it away.You dont wanna die i see the fear in your eyes."

Well she was right, a part of Lexi was scared,so scared.She was scared of the end.But every ending was a beginning too.To much time went by she had to act soon.Lena would be out for sure.She looked to the woman."I give you this last chance,go out please.You wont be able to stop me and we both know you are not a fighter.You are good in manipulating people,good with words,but in a fight you woulnt be able to stop me.I dont wanna be the reason for another death,so go now lady."

She stared at her and the woman gave her a deathstare.She left the room with this words:"You are an idiot,stubborn child Lexi,and this will cost your life.You are a coward,not able to focus your own demons.You wont find peace in death if you still feel the guilt for killing the girl."

"Her name was Ruby..." Lexi whispered that as the woman left the room.And then when she was alone she not hestiated any longer.She pulled out the lightener and watched the small flame flareing,it had a beauty inside that caught her whole attention.Well it was not as good as the last moments under a tree in the nature,surrounded by fresh air and the soft whisper of the night,but the flame spent some comfort in this last seconds.And she let the lighter drop.She was surrounded by flames and heat and the she heared the dangerous hiss of the TNT,and the everything was loud and everything was pain.She felt debris all over her body,and flames burning her skin.Her breath slowed down because there was no oxigen left and then the whole cave collapsed over her and her body was crushed.

When the ceiling came down and big rocks smashed Lexis body some last sunbeams touched her face,as gentle as a childs hand.She looked into the sun and in her last moments she meant to saw someone.A small hand reaching out for her,brown eyes with a calm look.She took the hand of the girl and with her last breath she felt freed.There was no guilt or self hate,not even fear.She laid in the rubble,about to go,leave.

The rubble,how fitting,that this was where Lexi died,the same place that connected this girl to her.The place where Lena found this small angle once.

With the last air in her lungs,she whispered,so quiet and mumbeling that no one would really understand:"R-Ruby?"

(A/N so what do you think about this...Lexi,a hero or a villan or only a simple human beeing? Also what do you think of Ruby supporting her in the last moments?An imagination?Also do you have theorys about the leader woman? Let me know all!!)