guilty pleasure

not about angels .

Ominiscent .

the two hadn't talked to each other at all Marcus didn't think anything he did was wrong . Lilou was deeply hurt by what occurred over what was supposed to be a trip of peace and happiness.

What a Thanksgiving Break huh .

Lilou made sure to close and lock her window , Marcus however was being as stupid as possible during this quick relationship. The two people were hurt one evidently feeling more broken then the other .

Her mother was beyond confused as to why she returned not only alone , but why she was so distraught. She didn't bother responding to any messages she was receiving.

Most of her days since she returned were spent looking at her bruised wrists . The scars as well she was pushing everyone away because of him .

G i n n y

They haven't spoken to each other at all , what kind of makes me upset about this whole situation ?

Marcus has been calling my phone asking to " hang" or " smoke" .

I told him no every single time , I'm so worried about Lilou right now cause he put her business out there after she left . The scars on her wrist were deep I wouldn't be surprised if she started doing it again cause Marcus brought up the old pain of why she did that to herself.

As I was working at the cafe in walked marcus he walked up to the counter " so you don't want to go back to what we use to be come on?" I threw water in his face " are you stupid Marcus?" He laughed " no I'm not the hell was that for ?" I grabbed his arm .

I dragged him outside " you need to apologize" he laughed "to her fuck no she left me there and she wouldn't tell me why she was hurting herself". I huffed " god you know what figure this out on your own" . I walked in the cafe continuing what I was doing .

☢️☢️☢️ warning ig

L i l o u

My head was drilling , I did it I relapsed a fresh one on my other wrist it felt good the release of the pain . I had smoked most of my supply my family was supposed to be coming , I made sure my wrist was wrapped taken care of .

I peeked out the window he was making out with a girl and my urge grew stronger. I got up and grabbed the blade from my bathroom drawer . I didn't go too deep but it felt good to let it out feel the pain go away .

I fixed it up after and made sure all my shit was hidden. I wrapped my arm then walked out my bathroom and slid on a long sleeve then a sweater and I slid on my thigh high boots and a beanie .

I stole my mom's keys and left the house I drove to the bridge . I sniffled as I sat there on the edge of the bridge .

I screamed I let my hurt my ache out I screamed sobbing I was about to let go when arms yanked me back. I heard my brothers voice " lilou hey what's going on holy shit what was that ?"

I screamed trying to get out " let me go nico let me go I keep seeing his face" . he hugged me tightly " nah I can't lilypad hey let's talk okay come on shh let's relax" I heard someone yell " is everything alright ?"

I hated I recognized Marcus voice I tried to hide my face my shoes were on the ground fuck . I heard the ambulance sirens shit shit shit .

I sobbed " take me home nico take me home nico" he sniffled " I can't I can't" I screamed " take me home nico" he was gonna get me admitted fuck . I kneed him and I grabbed my things and I ran I ran far.

He knew I wasn't in the right headspace I couldn't get admitted again I hate mental institutions . I was now walking I was just numb now . I seen the gas station instantly walking to the pay phone I put money in .

I dialed Marcus number " hello" I sniffled " I love you" he sniffled " where you at bro?" I sniffled " tell my mom I won't come back until she promises no swears that I won't go to Lenox just tell her that okay baby."

" he yelled " fuck Lilou where are you?" I sniffled " I can't tell you I gotta go I love you okay I do" I hung up after he yelled for me not to . I continued till I was out of wells-bury track was paying-off right now for me .

I found a pay phone and called his number he answered immediately " yes yes yes hm what?" I sighed " did you tell her ?" . He sniffled " yes yes yes she said she swears she won't" I sniffled " give her the phone please" .

4 minutes went by before I heard a very frantic mother of mine . " Lilou Athena West ,  my love please I promise I swear I won't I need you back  here.  I'm worried baby girl just come back okay I swear to god no Lenox okay come back" .

I sniffled " I can't go back okay I'll get help but I can't go back there . She sniffled " Alright you want mommy to get you hm ?" I sniffled " no , I need to walk okay I'll walk" . I just hung up and turned back around praying to god she wasn't lying .

I walked trying to get rid of this hurt that was gonna come rushing down on me . My head hurt so bad I had a horrid migraine. My PTSD medication wasn't working right now. 

I kept hearing his voice telling me " it's okay that's what people do when they care about each other"  I was 10 years old he was 35 years old touching a child like that . I covered my ears shouting " shut up stop talking , please stop talking" god I wish it would just stop all of it.

A/N : tell me your thoughts