guilty pleasure

heal

L i l o u

I had to sit down for awhile and , before I knew it I seen my house . I seen the cars people outside and him. I walked up before he started running towards me rushing .

I stopped walking as the tears flowed down my cheeks he picked me up so fast I sniffled " hi.." . He sniffled " are you hurt ?" I sobbed " I'm so sorry I j..just I needed I felt-".

I was snatched off of him quickly by my dad " you prohibited from him  , give me your phone , you knew there would be rules."

I pouted and hid our conversations off my phone and the pictures.  my parents aren't high tech I just don't need them in our business . I walked with him I turned and waved to him , as soon as we got home I left to my room .

I stayed there locking the door I cried for hours they put a shutter on my window so I couldn't talk to him . Heartbroken I wanted him to hold me tell me it was okay my angel. For the rest of my Thanksgiving Break I was in doctors appointments  and group meetings.

the first day of school my mother dropped me off with my sisters " I'm so-" I got out of the car . I found out they sent Marcus to Military school I was beyond furious.

He'd be back in some months , but me I was hurt a bit . I hoped the boy I cared for so much would return. I walked to my locker Maxine walked up " are you okay ?" I huffed " yup just fine max , I gotta go to class" I rushed without giving her a word .

It may have sounded dumb but in a way Marcus was keeping me from falling off the deep end of this planet . I was hoping I could hold off on going after something much harder than weed or Xanax .

I wanted to attempt to stay clean I did but my boyfriend no matter how angry he was.

he wanted the best for me always and forever.

god I missed the feel of his skin how he held me so I wouldn't have the nightmares they took away the one good thing I had . I buried myself in work at school for the first few weeks of this dreadfulness.

I kept minimal contact with them not intentionally though I just it hurt a lot and I didn't want to have an outburst on my girls .

I walked through the halls first month without him and adderall was a friend of mine . I had straight A's and barely slept .

Maxine told me she found a letter addressed to me from him but I hadn't gotten it yet . Today I opened my locker and squealed in excitement seeing it .

I tore it open so quick .

dear lilou ,

I doubt my mom will even give this to you or let you see it but I'll be back soon I promise. I've grown accustomed here it's not as bad as I thought it'd be . I miss you dearly though and I want to know how you are ? I know we didn't get to say goodbyes but I wish we would've . I hope your getting better cause when I get back I promise I'll be better and then we can work things out . I never intended to scare nor hurt you mio amore. I hope you know you mean the world to me and I love you more than words can say .

yeah I know I'm young but I've never been so sure about loving someone who's turning things around for me . I don't know if you will but I'm asking you to wait for me to come back please

sincerely, Marcus Baker

my hands trembled as tears slid down my face he loves me . I just wanted to hold him or him to hug me I think I just missed his touch , he was really gone and I couldn't do anything about it .

Maxine told me he got sent there only for like 6 months to straighten him up then he'd return here . I just hope he doesn't come back like all tough and like my big softie like how he was before . His parents sent him there because they overheard Maxine yelling at him about me and that it was his fault I tried to do what I did .

I just wanted him back to me in my arms so many thoughts swarming my head.In reality I was just  wondering what it would be like when he got back but I did feel a bit more motivated to get better.

I decided I would be better for him 6 months for me to clean up my act . I wanted to get it together and be able up to this boy that holds my heart in his hands . It sounds dramatic , but its the truth I can't see myself with anyone else but him .

I know it's only been a couple weeks ,but I've known him for more than enough time to know who I want . That being said ,regardless of us being at the beginning of our relationship Marcus is who never leaves my mind .

I just hope he doesn't change his mind while he's there or meets someone better .

This is what I hate myself and my mind . For one being  I can never get rid of the thousands of thoughts running through my mind . Who he's meeting ? will someone make him happier than I could even if we weren't officially together ?

There is no doubt in my mind if he wanted to he could have someone so much better. I won't blame him if he does I'm not good enough for him . he deserves someone so much better than me someone who knows how to let down their walls and let someone in . 

I walked through the halls pushing it down the self doubt all of it out of my mind . I had to otherwise me getting better simply would've been impossible to me .

A/N : had writers block.  also Marcus will be back sooner than you think . Tell me your thoughts ?