Wicked Game | Miya Atsumu

thirty-six.

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### notes!! ##
i made another spotify playlist, it'll be a sad one 🥺

it's a playlist i made specially for this chapter and you can also listen to it when you read the upcoming chapters because; hint: it'll be a roller coaster ride so yeahhh hehe. or you can just listen to these songs in order ^^

1. Coping - Rosie Darling
2. Drivers License - Olivia Rodrigo
3. Skin - Sabrina Carpenter
4. Lonely (with Benny Blanco) - Justin Bierber
5. Be Kind [Stripped ver.] - Marshmellow, Halsey
6. Heather (spotify singles ver.) - Tate McRae
7. Hurt So Good - Astrid S

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I got out of the water silently and Suna followed me at the back. I reached for the towel that I brought, holding it close to my chest. My hands were still shaking. I made a huge mistake earlier. I messed up and I made everything turn even more complicated. I just light up a new fire. My mind was distracted and I couldn't think straight. The guilt in me growing bigger. Two days before Atsumu coming back to Kobe. How should I tell him? I can't just hide things and pretend that everything is fine when he away. No, I couldn't lie to him. What is it that I wanted? I don't even know myself.

I stood up and walked away to get changed but I was stopped when Suna hugged me from behind. His arms wrapped tightly around me and his chin rested on my shoulder. I froze, my mind stopped functioning. "What was that?" he asked, tightening his arms around me. I swallowed myself. Truthfully, I don't know how to respond to him. I don't even know why I made the move to kiss him when I am obviously dating his best friend, someone who he just made up with. I was the reason why Suna and Atsumu get into a fight before and I'm about to repeat the history. What was wrong with me? How did I even think of kissing him? Why?

"That was..." I took a deep breath as I tried to calm myself. My heart couldn't stop racing. "A mistake" I nodded my head. My hands clenched on the towel tighter. Yeah, it was a mistake. It was, please. It was. But why do I feel uneasy? Why do I feel greedy? I'm being greedy for wanting both Atsumu and Suna when I know that it's wrong. What was it that I really want? Who was the one that I actually longed for? I need the answer for myself. I can't be greedy. "Let's go home" I mumbled and bowed my head to look at my shaky hands.

Suna slowly loosened his arms and released me from his grip. "I'll... Just go get... C..Changed somewhere... N..Nearby. Wait... F..For me... Here..." I stuttered. My steps again were stopped when Suna uttered a question, "Do you love me?" I turned to look at him. "I have Atsumu, Rin. You know that" our eyes met. His eyes looked sad. "I know" he nodded his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "I just... Want to hear it from you" he stared into my eyes. "Who am I to you? Why do you keep acting like you're into me whenever we're just by ourselves, when we're alone like this. You always act so clingy at me and that gave me hope that we could actually be the old us" my forehead crumpled. "I'm a man, y/n. I tried my best to get over you but when you're doing this to me, it doesn't help me to move on yet you're making me fall for you even more" Suna let out a sigh and reached for my hands, holding them tightly. "Tell me, y/n... How do you feel about me? I need you to be honest with me" his eyes were watery. He was hurting, I know that. I shook my head, pulling my hands from him.

He sighed again. "Why can't you just tell me? So I could know that you're really over me, y/n. So I could stop hoping for more from you" I looked at him. He was desperate. He wanted a clear answer from me but I just couldn't give one. Because I, myself was still confused. I was sure I'm over him but when he came back into my life, I couldn't help but to feel a different kind of comfort when he's with me. He pampered me, he took good care of me, he made sure that I'm fine. Tell me that I'm not the only one who easily falls for a man's kindness. And when Atsumu's not here with me, he made me feel loved and appreciated and that confused me even more. Who is Suna Rintarou for me? A friend? Or someone who is more than just a friend?