Dead Flower

Chapter 19

I buried my face into the pillows that smelled so much like Gregorio and let my tears and sobs escape me as I was finally in the safety of the four bedroom walls that I knew no one would dare judge me. I have never felt as humiliated as I did tonight and it was all thanks to Ladonna who made sure that she broke me down to the point of no return where I couldn’t even respond like a normal human being. She was resentful and angry but I couldn’t blame her, I mean, my grandmother was sleeping with her husband and father of her kids. I understand that she’s taking out her frustration and heart ache on me but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

I’ve done nothing than love and try to understand people, so it wasn’t fair that this was happening to me. Though, my mother has always told me that life wasn’t fair. All those days when I would sit between her legs as she parted my hair into sections and treated my wild curly hair every Thursday night, she would give me her advice. I used to think that she was being too negative because all my mother would talk about was how selfish people could be and how the world and life only worked in favour towards the very people that cause pain and destruction. 

I refused to believe that then, because I thought that life only treated you the way that you treated it. So if you thought life was unfair, it was going to be unfair but if you thought that life was beautiful and a blessing, then it would be such. The last few days have been torture and even though I cry myself to sleep ever since I’ve been in the Black House, tonight the floodgates were open. 

I hugged the pillow even tighter, seeking comfort in this inanimate object. Ladonna was right, I was the kind of girl who needed protecting and that was what drew Gregorio in because it made him feel like a man and it made him feel needed. But I wasn’t doing that on purpose, I was always weaker and I’ve always been surrounded by people who have wanted to protect me, like my parents. I didn’t think that there was anything wrong in wanting to feel safe and secure. 

I felt arms wrap around my waist before I was picked up from the pillow and made to look up. I tried to wipe my tears, knowing very well that it was Gregorio and I didn’t want to make it seem like his mother was a terrible person. He wordlessly sat me on his lap before he untied my hair that was in a high bun and I let out a relieved sigh because I felt free. He played with my hair and made it frame my face before his black eyes set on my teary and blurry ones, “is it my mother who has made you cry?” he asked me and I shook my head too quickly. 

“No, no, not at all…she was…nice, lovely woman,” I said in a weak and sad voice that tried to convince him otherwise but I knew that I couldn’t lie to him. 

“Never lie to me again, il mio fiore. I know my mother can be difficult and cutthroat, that’s just the sort of person that she is,” he told me in his usual monotone voice and my throat tightened because I still wanted to cry. I couldn’t help the tears that escaped me and the peek of my bottom lip as it quivered from my crying before I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder. 

“Why didn’t you come with me?” I cried, asking him why he couldn’t have been by my side when I met his mother if he already knew the kind of person that she was. He could’ve at least given me a heads up. 

“As difficult as she may be, I trust her enough to leave you alone with her because nothing bad will come of it. Whatever you say to her, she won’t tell anyone else, whatever you reveal to her will always be a secret between the two of you and she’s family, so she will never take advantage of you,” he rubbed my back soothingly as I cried even more, my sobs racking my body. 

“She hates me,” I cried in despair as I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him, “and I couldn’t even defend myself.”

He tilted his head slightly before his warm fingers were on my face and wiping away my tears delicately. His black eyes seemed to get darker and his eyebrows furrowed inwards and I could tell he was upset. I thought he may be getting frustrated with my crying, “if she was not my mother, I would have offered you her head for making you cry, but she is,” my cries immediately quieted down because his words took me by surprise, “she gave me life and in return, I will always spare hers,” my tears had stopped falling and he was done wiping them but his fingers stayed on my face. 

He held me by the sides of my face, his rough hands felt surprisingly comfortable and gentle on my face as though I was something fragile, “oh.” Was all that I could think of saying in response. 

Even though the lighting in the room was a bit darker than usual because the only source of light we had were the two wall lamps beside Gregorio’s floating extra-large bed, I could still see Gregorio’s enhanced and perfect features and I wondered how such a perfect man could be so flawed. Had his parents dropped him on his head? Did this kind of mental sickness run through the whole family? It probably did because it was only the Bianchi’s who found what Gregorio was doing okay. 

I was so tempted to run my fingers through his luscious hair that reached just before his shoulders. He seemed to be careless with it too, in a way that made him so attractive. Even though I was now sleeping in his bedroom, he comes in late and leaves early and I can never just be with him. Not be with him in a sense where I want his comfort, but rather be with him in a way that will help me understand him better. 

I could forever get lost in his eyes that were so hard and hiding so much. I couldn’t help it at times like this, I just wanted to touch him and bring sunshine and happiness into his life because he seemed like a very unhappy man. He seemed so lonely, he stayed in this home all alone and I could tell he liked to be away from people. I wanted to change that and I wanted to change him. I wanted to make him smile and laugh genuinely, I wanted to see his black eyes hold a bit of light in them and I wanted to see him be a better person. 

Who could help him better than Marigold Sunshine? 

I brought my hands up and slowly placed them on the sides of his face, mirroring how he was holding me. My hands held his face as though it were the most fragile thing on this earth and I revelled in the feel of his sculpted and perfect face. I lightly traced my thumb in circles on the place that they had situated themselves before I felt Gregorio pull me closer to him. 

I didn’t know what he was planning on doing but my body seemed to understand because my heart picked up speed and my eyelids drooped slightly until our faces were only a breath away. I knew then what was to come of this but I couldn’t fight it…I didn’t fight it. I let him pull me in and my eyes fluttered closed once his lips pressed against mine. My heart stopped beating and I lost all consciousness because all I could feel was him. 

It was just like the first time that we met, everything else fell away after the world held its breath, praying that we wouldn’t step further in the direction that we were headed but I let loose. I didn’t care that this was all happening with a deranged man who would probably keep me locked up in his castle. I didn’t care for any and all of the red flags because at this point there was no silver lining. I knew that Gregorio had a lot going wrong with him and very little going right but I was put on this Earth to heal…just like the flowers in my flower shop.