Dead Flower

Chapter 41

As much as death scares me, I thought that if I imagined myself having a peaceful death, it would eliminate all the fear that I have of it. So, I’ve always pictured my final moments as ones being of peace and tranquillity, surrounded by my loved ones. I pictured myself dying in my lovers arms, a man whom I had lived my whole life with, given my innocence to and brought our dreams to life together. If my last moments were to my liking, I would be surrounded by all kinds of beautiful flowers as he clutches my hand in desperation and I return it tenfold. I’ll mutter under my breath about how much I love him and how even though my life will end now, there is the unknown that we will explore together in the afterlife. He’ll place his lips on mine in a delicate, wholesome, warm and loving kiss, and as his lips part from mine to take a breath, mine will be my last dying breath and I will be no more. 

This fantasy that I created made it seem so peaceful and beautiful and I was looking forward to that final moment. I was looking forward to travelling through my journey to get to that point. I always used to judge people and tell them that life had a lot of good and blessings to it. I told them that life was only what you saw of it. I saw life and the world as something beautiful and a source of happiness. I appreciated everything about life and the earth, and the way that things work. I can’t help but feel betrayed because all that I thought life would be, was not, and all that people said life was, indeed was that. 

What I was going through now was the perfect example. My final moments didn’t feel as beautiful and peaceful as I thought they would, no. They felt cold, scary and dark. The world was black around me and I couldn’t breathe. I tried to escape the cold, harsh darkness but I couldn’t. It was all that I could sense, it was all that I could be and there was no escape. I tried to scream but it felt like I didn’t have a mouth, I tried to move but I felt as still as a statue, and I tried to cry but it felt like I had empty eye sockets. Is this what death was? Was it torture even to those who wanted to see the good in it? Is this what loving a damaged man like Gregorio was similar to? No matter how much I tried to see the good in him, it was futile because he was just a bad man and there was nothing more to it? There really was no escaping Gregorio unless it was through death. 

He was indeed very powerful because even in death, I thought of him. He followed me wherever I went and that was the most painful torture of it all because all I wanted from him was the love that I thought I deserved. I see now that it was silly of me to think that I could ever heal or change Gregorio, he was a monster who thrived and feasted on the innocence of the untouched. If only I had known that I should’ve ran for the hills the moment his sister entered my quaint flower shop. If only I had known that loving him, was destroying me, and if only I had known that betraying him, would end up killing me. 

As I came to that realisation, I felt a gentle caress across my cheek and just like that, light flooded the darkness and life was breathed back into me. I awoke to the sound of beeping as my eyes immediately shut because of the bright light surrounding me. I shut my eyes for some time before I blinked slow and steady, and I was able to adjust to the brightly lit room. I couldn’t look around like I wanted because I was surrounded by warmth shortly after I woke up. I couldn’t understand what was happening, I just knew that I was warm. 

I finally managed to turn my head and see what was the cause of this warmth and it was Gregorio. He was holding me in a hug, a hug I’ve never felt or experienced before from him. Gregorio wasn’t much for touching unless it was to touch random parts of me and kiss me. It felt good to be hugged, even by him. I was too weak to do anything other than to wait for him to pull away so I could ask questions. 

He finally pulled away and when he did, he gazed down at me and his hair framed his face as he held me by the sides of my face, “I thought that I had let go of you forever,” those were the strangest words I had ever heard from Gregorio. His voice showed emotion for the first time since I have ever met him and I have reason to believe that it was the first time in what must be his entire life. He let out a breath, touching me as though he thought that I was a dream, “oh, il mio fiore, what would my life be without the bright flower that you are in it?” 

I looked into his black eyes that weren’t hard like they usually are, this time they were soft and caring and I saw the man that I wanted Gregorio to be, looking back at me. His words were exactly what I imagined that I would hear from him and hearing him actually say it, was strange because a part of me thought that I was dead and this was only the test to see if I would go into heaven or hell. I didn’t have to ask myself any longer because he brought his lips crashing into mine in a desperate and passionate kiss that hurled me out of my stupor. 

When he pulled away from the kiss and looked at me, I got lost in the essence that was Gregorio. Even after he tried to kill me, I still wanted him close to me. What kind of sickness was I suffering from? I opened my mouth to talk but nothing came out. There was an immense pressure in my throat and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I was having a lot of difficulty breathing and it felt like a cement block was placed on my chest to make it difficult to breathe but that was the only discomfort that I felt. 

I expected to be hit by the train that was pain, but there was nothing. There wasn’t even a headache and I was surprised, but I was glad too because I didn’t want to be in pain. I didn’t feel thirsty or hungry, I felt as normal as I could, I was just feeling weak and like my body weighed a ton. I wanted to ask him what was going on but I couldn’t talk. Gregorio seemed to know what I was thinking like he always does, “you won’t be able to talk for some time because you shot yourself in the throat. They have already done surgery and you will be able to talk after a few more procedures and months. Luckily, the bullet didn’t hit your carotid arteries or cut your windpipe.”

Oh thank God. 

Gregorio was laying beside me on the bed and I didn’t mind it, I was just glad to be out of that cold and dark world that I had been in. “I realised that I loved you when I decided to spare your mother’s life and save yours. I’m from a world where we brutally murder those who betray our trust and set an example of them, but I was confused when I had you in my arms and all I could feel was my heart wrenching and panic washing over me as you started to take longer and slower blinks. I don’t want to lose you, il mio fiore, I never want to lose you but don’t ever betray me again. My purpose is not to hurt you, it’s to protect you. I love you, il mio fiore and with that means that I’ll never let you go, not without a fight.” I heard what he was saying and the words sent a chill down my spine. I didn’t know how to feel, Gregorio’s love was something that I feared having to find out about but I had no choice. I had to stay, I could never leave because Gregorio had chosen me, a flower, in the concrete jungle to be the flower that he holds close to his heart. 

The flower that I was, was no longer bright, beautiful and happy, rather it was dull, hurt and afraid, but because of the love that I hold for him…this flower would do to him what he wants it to.