Dead Flower

Chapter 28

I was sitting in my dressing room feeling washed over with the feeling of dread about what was going to happen today. Giustina and Ladonna were waiting for me downstairs so that we could wedding dress shopping. Wedding preparations were underway and I could barely keep any food down at the realisation that this was all actually happening. I was terrified of what my future held. I had thought that the Bianchi’s would’ve lost all interest in me and moved on. I had believed that at this point, someone would have stepped in to stop all of this. 

I wanted to be able to speak up for myself but I wasn’t a confrontational person and I didn’t know how to address this issue with Gregorio. Whenever I’m left alone with my thoughts, I’m able to build up the courage to say something but the second that my eyes meet those darned black eyes, I just go silent. I’m afraid of what will happen if I say something because I know that Gregorio is a man who wants things to go his way and if he’s challenged, he threatens. I don’t want my family to get hurt because I know that is how he’ll hurt me. 

I couldn’t help but meet my eyes in the mirror. I seemed to be spending a lot of time looking into the mirror nowadays but it’s because I’m surrounded by individuals who can’t and make no effort to understand me. So the only person who truly cares about me and knows what I’m going through, is the woman looking back at me in the mirror. 

I can’t help but beat myself up for ever being foolish enough to try and run from my parents when it only led me to run into a far worse monster. A monster that when I tried to hate, managed to have an effect on me. I wanted to fight him and the effect that he had on me but it was futile because all it took was a gentle caress of his big hands along my cheek and I’m already putty in his hands. Maybe it’s also the way at times when I smile and laugh, Gregorio will look at me for some time, getting lost in what I hope is the happiness on my face and in silence,  he’ll look away. Those moments when I see the effect that I have on him, make me foolishly believe that at some point, I might be able to change him. 

I just wish I could do it sooner. 

I moved my curly hair away from my face so that not a single strand of hair framed it and I looked at the delicate and childish features on my face. I was met with a young girl who didn’t have the strength to face what was happening to her at this point in time. I was supposed to have left this dressing room an hour ago but I couldn’t bring myself to stand up and leave. I could feel it in my bones that today was going to be a challenging day for me. 

You always imagine your wedding planning being a joyous and fun event, one where you have family and friends supporting you. You don’t really think that it would be an occasion that you could ever dread. I just wish I had more of a say in my own life than I do at the moment. I just wish that someone would hear me. 

I looked at my reflection and peered into my own brown eyes that began to get watery and filled with emotion. The tears flowed smoothly down my cheek, leaving a wet path that paved the way for more tears. The flow of tears was slow and steady and I marvelled at the fact that even in my pain, my beauty was still to be admired. I remember the days when I would cry and my mum would smile and look at my face, and tell me that I looked like a painting. She would move my hair away from my face and take her time in wiping away my tears before she would place a kiss on my nose and tell me that I was a blessing that made her life worth living. 

“You still look like a painting when you cry,” her voice broke through the silence and if I hadn’t broken my own eye contact through the mirror I would’ve certainly thought that I dreamt it. I looked up through the mirror and I saw my mother standing behind me, watching me through the mirror. My eyes widened in surprise as I looked at her because I was too afraid to stand and look in case this was just a mirage.